#36 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (23rd July 2018)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and Andre the Ferret has decided to run around just as I've began to record my voice. So there you go. This is going to be a let me bore you to sleep session.

I only listen to this or watch the video on YouTube or my website when you can safely close your eyes and I was going to say there may be background sounds but there already is.

Which is a little bit annoying because I've been I've been working trying to get the sound on the recorder a little bit better by you know readjusting the knobs and trying to get the this seems to be like in some of the previous recordings a little bit of a hum humming sound in the background and it's I've kind of put it down to the fridge in the kitchen which it can be a little bit of that but it definitely seemed to be a bit more going on as far as the recording so I'm figuring it's going to record me at a lower volume but I can increase the volume in editing so hopefully hopefully it should work out okay.

If there's still a hum at you know part of the session then there's a hum this I am you know I'm working on it I'm giving it a go as it were.

So today it's technically it's Monday I think now I think it's gone midnight that's it's about one o'clock or something what time is it it's 1 42 in the morning on Monday morning but as far as I'm concerned it's still Sunday because I have not gone to bed. The day ends when I go to sleep as well that's how I kind of I think most people really think that way don't they so tomorrow or later today I will make the hypnotic buffet which I do every Monday and that will be available and you can also download free the android app on google play and it's available it's the links everywhere it's in my description box it's on my website and you know it's quite easy to find.

I quite like to have a nap for all the different things I do but I can't I can't afford to I had to save up for that one and you know I suppose it'd be quite nice to have a nap for the these let me bore you to sleep sessions because I've done quite a few of them now.

I think this is the 36th one I think but often when I say that I quite often seem to come up with a different number so what is real but it is it's over 30 I think it's I think it's 36.

So the whole point really of these let me bore you to sleep sessions is I just talk and talk and talk about a lot about a little or it could be a focused session which is really aimed at sleeping so it could be a mixture you know it could be a mixture of distraction could be a mixture of focus but it's always focused because whenever you listen to my voice you're focusing on my voice and I'm mentioning Andre in the background eating his dry food and you can probably hear him and when he does he

I think he scoffs it down and then he has to kind of sneeze it back up again it's a bit weird I've never never seen anybody eat and sneeze at the same time but he's happy enough he's he's had quite a good day really I took him out earlier this evening and visited a friend and took him into the garden or the friend's garden and he got a bit of attention and he was seemed pretty happy it's a beautiful sneeze and see it's a beautiful summer evening and the temperature was just perfect really as far

as being outside the t-shirt just you know it's lovely evening what surprised me though is when I got around there and it was probably about a half past eight ish time and within about 20 minutes it was dark so it was light outside and then within 20 minutes it was dark outside I just couldn't believe that it was like so quickly now that's just the tip of the iceberg of boredom boredom-dom that I'm going to introduce to you today I suppose the best example really would be you know when you're talking to someone maybe maybe

you've gone to a party or it's a dinner luncheon or a wedding or something like that maybe it's a company do a ball or something like that and you get sat next to somebody that you don't know and for whatever reason you just find yourself being really really bored by the person and it's not necessarily anybody's fault you know we all have our own interests and you know but you might meet someone and their sole interest is maybe butterflies or kitchen tiles that might be their their fascination in life that might be the thing that

they really know loads about and that give them pleasure and they'd like to discuss these hobbies or topics or obsessions with whoever they meet and I'm kind of one of them I've had to learn over the years that other people aren't really interested in what I've you know in what I'm interested in I'm interested in hypnosis I'm interested in you know this kind of thing and I don't have any friends that I've got the slightest bit of interest in it so I learned years ago to stop talking about it to people because I could find

that I'd be talking to them and their eyes would glaze over their eyes would just literally glaze over and you could see that you know sometimes it is as if they were struggling to keep their eyes open because when I've talked to someone I do look at them my friend said that I overlook I kind of um what did my friend say he said that I bless andre and his sneeze they're loud sneezes but they are the cutest little sneezes ever I love his sneezes I love everything about him but I love just love his

little sneezes so yeah I'll be their eyes will glaze over and then it's as if they're really struggling to keep their eyes open and all I was doing was just telling them about hypnosis and the things I'd learned and the experiences I'd had because I've been doing this for 20 over 20 years 20 years and six months it's January to January 1998 when I first got involved and started studying hypnosis so it's been a while and it seems to be that not everybody's as interested and I feel this what does my friend say that I

kind of insist on eye contact I think he said and I never really thought of myself in that way I can't the opposite to you know if um some people struggle can't look into the eyes of another person I I'm the opposite I struggle not to look into their eyes because it gives so much information potentially and because I'm not a liar although I do make stuff up but that's in recordings and that's me just being silly makes silly stories up sometimes and exaggerate but not when I'm being serious but if I do say something

silly in real life I try and make it absurd so the other person knows that I'm just joking you know I don't I don't sort of tell lies to deceive other people or to gain some kind of financial gain you know gain financial gain I was trying to think of a better word than gain because I thought I used it when I said gain you know to make financial gain or to take advantage of somebody's good nature or financial resources so yeah I'm kind of quite a boring person and I suppose in that way and

I learned that but I also noticed when other people were perhaps boring others I'd observe I'd notice it and how much of that is to do with the other person who's being bored actually perhaps has a different other things on their mind that they want to do or maybe they want to talk about their interest so you know a boring conversation from the outside could be a really interesting conversation for the two people talking to each other if they're both talking about the same subject that they both love so if you're into kitchen tiles for

example if you meet another person that's into kitchen tiles you could have a brilliant time discussing all the different designs the history of different you know kitchen tiles and the ceramics the old factories that used to make them maybe the original cutting machines and the various artexes that we use to stick the kitchen tiles onto the kitchen wall all the different patterns and flowers and you know various price ranges I guess because they're going to be some kitchen tiles that are really really expensive and maybe got gold interwoven within the ceramic or maybe it's not

made of ceramic maybe it's made of some kind of china and kind of material I'm not sure what china is you know like china teacups I know what china is it's a it's a place where people live but not everybody lives there but quite a few people but this isn't really about geography this is more about it's not really about kitchen tiles so much but we've all got our interests and when you meet someone that's just talking and talking they don't even have to be talking slowly or you know they could be talking quickly that's

how I whistle then when I say quickly quick quick quick I can't whistle when I try to quickly quickly quickly it's a bit like trying to fart you know you're trying to impress someone on the first date you're trying to fart and it won't come out just like the rest of the time farting's easy natural always available always got a little spare bit of gas inside waiting to pop out but on that first date wanting to impress that woman of my dreams no no farts available so ceramic tiling kitchens even if the person's talking in

a really excitable way it still can be boring for the recipient of that uninteresting information uninteresting to them not out not to the person that's talking to them so I kind of I don't say discovered this as if I'd uh found the lost ark you know it wasn't it's not quite that you know so like I found the the other 12 commandments you know it was actually 24 but I found the other one the other 12 you know I didn't nothing like that it's just it's kind of I think having bored enough people over the

years I started to realize that no one's really interested in anything I've got to say when it comes to the things I'm interested in as far as those people that I know but it's also the other side where when I was younger I didn't I didn't feel that what I had to say was actually worthwhile or valid when of course it was everybody's words are as valid as anybody else's anybody's opinions are just as important as the next person's although that's hard to uh accept I suppose for some people who struggle to let go of

their own limiting beliefs but holding them back even though actually by relaxing those beliefs can start to loosen and kind of fall away now I just talk about whatever it is I talk about and it's not always hypnosis it's just me talking about my life and sometimes the best way for you to gain the best from this experience is to allow yourself to relax so don't think of this as an action movie try to get that out of your mind don't think of it as a you know there's no car chases there's no there's no

spaceships no you know no planets getting blown up there's nothing like that no water skiing no love scenes this in my no no there's no love scenes there's no mining there's you know it's not even not even a table with a bowl of soup on you know there's not even that I mean I know that wouldn't be part of an action scene in a film you know bowl of soup on a table but it's not even that exciting and it's not really supposed to be exciting the whole point is that the more you listen to

my sessions these let me bore you to sleep sessions the more you notice that as you start to listen to my voice you have that familiar feeling of relaxation and tiredness start to spread throughout your body and mind and everything seems to just slow down which is quite groovy really I do like the word groovy it's a bit like gravy but with more of an ooh I don't know what that means groovy would you like groovy on your roast potatoes don't you mean gravy yes I do but I'm trying to be groovy with my gravy

can I please see a manager I don't like your attitude that might go that way depends I haven't been in a restaurant for so long I was watching um Gordon Ramsay the other day the other night one of his uh you know how he rescues restaurants I don't mean you know he's like a helicopter and a restaurant sinking into the sea and he's rescuing it that way and it's like another action movie no no action movie but uh I do quite like it actually I don't know why there's something about the the emotions involved maybe

Gordon Ramsay definitely seems able to gain access to people's emotions quite quickly I nearly whistled again quick quickly quickly quickly quite quickly quite quite quickly wouldn't it be funny if someone said this image that someone presses the stop button on this saying oh that's just boring and getting angry because it's boring it's too boring wouldn't that be funny you imagine someone getting all uptight and angry because this recording called let me bore you to sleep it's too boring all he does is just talk about nothing and it's just really boring and tedious and pointless and

you know I've struggled to keep track of what he's saying because none of it's really that relevant to anything and he's talking about action movies and kitchen tiles all in the same sentence how can this be possible why doesn't he do something more productive with his time well this is probably the most productive thing that I could do with my time apart from all the other things I could do that might be more productive it's not the only thing I do you know I do do other things at the moment I've got I've got a

routine it's not much of a routine but the only real I've got two no three no four I don't know I'll go through the different routines so I start from when I get up I get up in the morning and usually my bladder wakes me up I don't mean no literally you know taps on my belly oh yeah Jason get up out of bed no I don't mean I mean I get I wake up and I know that it's the first thing I'm thinking of is to go to the toilet this has become probably a

bit more prominent over the last I don't know 18 years it's been a while it's not really anything that new I think needing to go to the toilet getting up you know in the morning or whenever you've had a decent amount of sleep it's sort of natural to I can't imagine it having ever gotten up out of bed after being asleep for seven or eight hours and not going to a toilet never woken up before no my bladder's fine I'll go this evening I'll wait till this evening then I'll go no never happened never unless

it has happened and I uh I didn't write it in my diary so couldn't have been that important although it was I want to tell you this but I want to make sure I can come back to my routine and because I think it's the right level of boredom it's in back in 1997 I had this agency work and it's I had no money you know so everything's kind of a bit weird so I didn't have any money for food and so we had this day of work in this agency and the job was it

was I don't know it was like you know a place that used to sell used to rent like bouncy castles and things like that for you know public events so I'd I was there and I think I started at about 7 30 in the morning and I didn't go to the toilet the whole day until I got home probably about 5 5 or 6 in the evening and it was a hot summer's day I didn't go to the toilet once I'll admit I didn't write that in my diary but I've never forgotten it it's one

of my most urine urine free days it's probably one of the longest periods of time I've ever gone whilst awake without needing to do a wee wee anyway so when I get up I get up out of bed sometimes I'll lay there and I'll think uh uh do I want to get up can I be bothered to get up I'm feeling tired feeling sleepy I do sometimes make those noises but then I kind of gauge the situation and I'm too old to be wet in the bed so I go up I get up every day

and of course what happens next depends upon the weather it might sound weird you might think well surely don't I have a a roof on my building I do I've got windows and walls and everything kitchen tiles you know general stuff but if it's the winter it's you know I don't have the heating on at night or when I'm in bed I don't have the heating on so part of my little routine is to put a dressing gown on walk to the door of the bed bedroom door walking out of the bedroom door you know

turn the heating on generally till it clicks so usually I put on about 17 18 18 then I go into the bathroom I do a wee pee pee a sprinkle a splatter a tingle whatever you want to whatever you want to call it really empty the hose pipe drain the tap I don't know what it's uh bang the dust out of me wellington boots I don't know whatever what if you want to use as a an example for urination and so I do that and then what I do I go back and now I go

into the kitchen so I turn right and I walk into the kitchen and sometimes I look around I suppose I've missed a few steps sometimes I mean literally steps as in right left right left left right middle right left right and sometimes I do look into the mirror in the bathroom so I've got two mirrors well technically three mirrors so I've got a big mirror on a door which used to be the airing cupboard but it's no longer there's still air in there but there's no it's not hasn't got a boiler thingy that it used

to have so in there I keep my stocks you know like uh toilet paper and face wipes that I use it's weird to put the two places one end of the body uh yeah so toilet paper also moist wet wipes toilet wipes shampoo so I stock up so I have um plenty there for a few months and what's it well so I've got toothpaste I've got quite a few toothpastes uh quite a few uh soaps I've got probably about 20 plus soaps and deodorants a few cans of deodorant probably about five or six or seven

and mouthwash as well I've got a few of those and so this you know I've got also uh refuge bags black bags for the rubbish so I've got a couple of rolls of those as well in there and that's on one shelf the shelf above it which is collapsing I don't even know why it's collapsing because there's not a great deal of weight on it but that's just a few like blankets and stuff up there and also I put my bags for life up there as well so I've got two bags for life well actually

I've got three well I might have four but only two that I use because I think what happened is yeah that's right I actually got a bag for life which was a Christmas from Iceland I don't mean the country the shop I don't know if you have Iceland where you live we have um these it's a store and they sell frozen stuff so the majority of I say the majority I don't even know if it is yeah it probably is actually the majority of the food items in Iceland are frozen so if you go into

my standard store that the one that's closest to me there's quite a few freezers I'll go through that anyway I'll tell you the describe the outlay of the floor and everything so I think it was probably January February time I went into Iceland and I said to them look I've got these bags for life they cost me 50 pence each and the idea is you keep the bags and when they wear out you can replace them they'll replace them and it won't cost you anything so a bag for life and I said to them look

I've invested a pound of my well I can't use the word hard-earned money because I don't work but I've used you spend a pound of other people's hard-earned money on these two bags for life and I said I'm pleased with them I said this is to the cashier there was a queue but they all seemed fairly okay I looked in each of their eyes and they seemed as if they were okay with me having this discussion there was one person with a bowl of cider waiting to buy and I think maybe yeah she was in

a hurry but I wasn't there for a long time long enough to have to sit down but and I said I really appreciate what you and your colleagues and I think it was Brenda that sold me these bags and it was it was around the beginning of December last year so probably if I remember about I don't think it was the first I don't think it was the second of December 2017 I don't think it was the third of December 2017 I don't think it might have been the fourth or the fifth of December 2017

I'm pretty sure it was a Tuesday or a Wednesday that's kind of in the ballpark area and the lady in the cashier said that she didn't need that much information and there's a lot of people waiting to be served and I said okay so I continued to talk at her and I you know I said I really appreciate all the work you do and I appreciate the idea behind giving me these bags for life my understanding was it was a financial commitment on my part to pay for these bags and you know so I've I've

taken a leap of faith really in you know Iceland you know sorting out their half of the deal really you know so when my bags for life start to wear start to fray start to you know they because I do fill them up quite heavy try and even things out and so for example I do like cans of coke I'm trying to actually I'm not trying to cut down at all but it sounds good if I say that so yeah I'm trying to cut down and so if I get let's say some frozen stuff maybe

a couple of packs of coke as vegetables that's not very very often but yeah let's pretend I get vegetables lots of vegetables and fruit thousand bananas a day and I try to even them out so that each bag has kind of the same weight but it's very important I find to put the soft things at the top for example bread to put that at the top of the bag otherwise by the time I get home and I remember once I put the bread at the bottom and then I put a big box of cat food

which I give Andre on top of the bread and then on top of that a couple you know I think a pack of six cans of coke and I also used the bag as a seat while I was waiting for the bus and I was surprised to see that the bread had really gone flat it was very unspreadable if you know what I mean it's I don't know I don't like to be picky but sandwiches just there's a certain shape the sandwiches should be and I think I don't know I think the sandwich it shouldn't

look like a mushroom shape the sandwich just you know or as a burnt marshmallow you know you know what I mean so I'm not sure where I think I partly learned to do that to put the bread on top because I used to work in the co-op which is a like a grocery store when I was 17 so that's 30 31 years ago nearly well 30 it was 30 years ago let's have a look what are we now July July so I started working in the co-op I think it was April 1988 when I was

still 17 and I worked there April May June probably till the end of July it was around this kind of time that I stopped working there pretty sure yeah so I kind of learned a little bit about how to pack bags and also things like eggs there's a few things that I learned about eggs I learned learn about eggs I mean I don't know much about eggs at all really I don't know why I mentioned it but you you know you need to be careful with eggs and I never used to check them because the

problem with checking eggs for a customer is if the eggs are broken you have to sort of go and get new eggs it's a lot of hassle so generally I wouldn't do that but try and put the eggs on top as much as possible but not so much on top that they fall out of the bag because in some ways the eggs falling on the floor and smashing is worse in some ways than a couple of them being crushed underneath the bag of cement or whatever it is that they've bought that you put into that

bag so and also try and keep the eggs in the container don't don't take them out of the container and juggle with them apparently that's frowned upon so many rules I struggled a little bit and it wasn't in the rule book no juggling of the produce oh great close the door when you use the toilet just those kind of things wash your hands after yeah like anyone washes their hands so I was saying to the cashier if you you know I feel a little bit embarrassed because the bags that I'm using are Christmas bags they've

got Christmas all over them they've got you know the word Christmas and pictures and you know like I think there was pictures of Christmassy stuff and I said I've got no issue with Christmas you know I'm I'm brought up to celebrate Christmas that's that's how I've been raised you know um it's just part of my heritage so she she looked at me and she said I don't mean to be rude but you've been talking for quite a while now it's nearly time for me to go home but we still got all these customers they're waiting

and I think they're getting a bit restless she whispered in my ear she didn't say out loud she whispered it I thought I wonder if she likes me I wasn't sure I never can tell unless someone jumps out of a plane and a parachute says Jason I like you on it I've really you know I need like an obvious statement of intent really I guess I said okay I'll just I'll just cut to the chase because I've always wanted to say that to somebody I'll cut to the chase I've never actually ever heard anybody say

it in real life seen in movies seen on American TV shows never actually heard anybody say it out loud in a conversation in public I wanted to be the first I wanted to be a maverick maverick of that phrase let's cut to the chase what did she say like I forget if she said it or I said it one of us and I said can we just can I have some different bags she said that's 50 pence each I said well can I just swap these bags for the generic green swirly bags that you have

and she said why what's wrong with the bags you got and I said well they've got Christmas on them she said yeah but are they worn because really generally we only replace the bags for life if the bags that you already have you've purchased are worn out and I said please please can you swap the bags for me and she looked at me she said yes I can do that for you and I will always remember that moment because as I went to stand up from the chair and I picked the chair up and I

stuck my toe it wasn't so much I stuck my toe but I carried the chair over to the other side near the window and I put the chair down on my own foot I let out a little bit of a yelp not a huge amount wasn't enough to echo because you know those stores are quite big and echoey and it was just a I suppose a little bit like a ferret sneeze just like oh you know that she's like but put a bit a little bit louder a little bit louder so I got my bags

which is really good so I now keep them in that cupboard the cupboard which is uh in my bathroom so I have those two bags what I do because the bags are quite big and they take up quite a lot of space I found this genius idea here's what I do because I've got two bags you're not even going to believe this when I tell you I should try and market this as some kind you know but anyway I fold up one of the bags and I put it inside the other bag I only use

up half the space I was very pleased with myself so what else oh yeah so I don't generally open that cupboard but I do look in the mirror so it's not always to check for bogeys but you know just to have a look and check myself out make sure that everything's the way it should be you know but that's the main mirror that's quite a big mirror it's not technically um my full height but the mirror starts probably about my shins and goes up to my head so it's quite cool there's also two other mirrors

and that's in the bedroom cabinet not bedroom cabinet kitchen cabinet not kitchen cabinet bathroom cabinet it's a cabinet if it was in the kitchen I suppose we'd call it kitchen cabinet if it was in a bedroom it would be called a bedroom cabinet it was if it was in a loft it'd be called a loft cabinet I kept it on my bicycle it'd be called a bicycle cabinet if I had it on a hat I suppose it'd be a hat cabinet I don't know but it's in the bedroom it's in the bathroom sorry and each

door is a mirror so there's two sliding mirrors no there isn't there's two opening mirrors two doors open but there's a mirror in each door and my dad's put that in when I first moved into my flat and what that mirror is quite good for is to get more of a close-up of my face and I don't know why but for some reason the lighting in the bathroom seems to shine brighter on the cupboard under the bathroom thingy mirrors rather than the big mirror so what I do then is I go into the kitchen and

I take my tablet so I've got a tablet I take in the morning for my stomach so I have my acid reflux stuff so I take one tablet and I take it about an hour before I eat anything I can eat after half an hour but I leave it an hour normally and what I might do is go back to bed sometimes I don't sometimes I do other times well no there's no other times either I do or I don't other times I just walk halfway to the bed and sit on the floor that's not

real it doesn't happen but then if I do go back to bed for an hour or two because when I wake up often it's a little bit early I might have only been in bed for four or five hours I let the tablet go back to sleep for another few hours get up and then I go back to the toilet again because I've already had oh yeah before I go back to sleep always have a nice drink of water so there's always something to empty my bladder with or from and I suppose one of the

first things I do is I go and see Andre see how he's doing he'd normally be fast asleep so I'll go and I'll floss and brush my teeth and use my mouthwash and wipe my face with my face wipes brush my hair and wash my hands and just you know get myself fairly sorted and then I'll go into the living room and I'll give Andre a big cuddle and let him kind of let him out of the cage let him do what he wants him for the rest of the day I'll go and turn the

laptop on and just have a quick look through the stats so I start generally with the what is it SoundCloud stats for my podcast my Spreaker stats and then I go to the blogger where my website is check out the stats there go onto Facebook and Twitter and then I just have a look around see if anything needs to go in a bin or into the recycling thing you know have a little tidy up sometimes I'll have a little scratch you know if I have an itch I do scratch it I'll be honest with you

and then I'll go stick the kettle on but I'll empty the water if there's any water in the kettle and have a little rinse out of the kettle and then I'll put some water in turn the kettle on and I'll get a cup off the draining board and I get a bowl for my breakfast at the moment I'm eating shreddies I do alternate sometimes I'll have muesli so what I'll do is I'll put the coffee I'll get the spoon I'm going to eat my breakfast with and I use that to put the coffee into the

cup I get some sugar I only have one sugar it goes into the cup and then I get the milk out of the fridge I'll put the shreddies into the bowl by this time the kettle is normally boiled I pour the boiling water into the cup and I stir that around until it's nice and sort of mixed together with the water and the coffee and the sugar and then I pour milk in and I stir it again to make sure that it's nice and nice and just a nice color really not that the color really

makes that much difference because I'm drinking it you know I'm not not admiring it it's not a work of art I'm not going to be putting it into the Tate gallery or anything like that but and then I pour the milk onto my breakfast cereal and if it's sugar I'll put a like a tablespoon of sugar onto the shreddies and I'll put the milk away into the fridge and I'll carry carry it into the living room and I'll have my breakfast you know I quite like to do I quite like to have a drink of

coffee and then have a mouthful of breakfast it's like like a nice warm cozy preliminary starter and then the breakfast is a you know the main meal it's quite a nice nice little mixture and then as I'm doing that I'll have the television on and I'll maybe watch the news or have a look see what's on Andre will often jump on onto me wanting to share my breakfast so I'll I'll give him a couple of bits of shreddies he like he takes one and if it's hard he'll grab it and run off and he'll eat

it if it's soft sometimes he'll just eat it on me just let it you know so that he's still here for the next bit then when I've done that I will take the bowl and the cup of coffee that I've finished but I don't always finish it sometimes there's a little bit left and I'll take that into the kitchen and put it into the water I've always got a bowl of water ready for to soak stuff I don't mean underpants or socks and just you know cutlery and dishes and things like that and then it

gives me a start to the day then I'll get on and do whatever I'm gonna gonna do I guess just it really depends if I've any kind of plans you know because sometimes I don't sometimes I do but often I don't but as I was saying earlier the main there's lots of different routines I have I suppose one of the main routines I've been trying to do is every evening when it's you know fairly quiet and trying to make a recording each day and in some ways the although the recordings do last an hour or

so each it's this is kind of the easy part because after I've recorded it then it's editing and it's uploading and to all the different podcasts and sharing it and making a video out of it uploading that to YouTube and sharing it again and putting it onto my website and making pages and yeah so that takes a couple of hours of work it's not really work is it I suppose it's just stuff so I hope you enjoyed my interesting routine of my day-to-day life well that is a lot more that doesn't happen that I have

not pretended to talk about or attempted I didn't get around to telling you the exact layout of the Iceland store maybe maybe next time so I'm going to go now hopefully you've drifted off and I'll speak to you next time bye