#15 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (13th April 2018)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. And if you listen to this... That's me on my bed. It sounds a lot springier for some reason.

I'm actually recording this at a much different time of the day to what I normally do. I normally record these sessions shortly after I wake up. It might seem like a weird time to be making sleep sessions but I find that I've got a bit more energy.

I don't yawn quite as much when I first wake up. I don't know what time it is, about 11 o'clock or something in the evening. The windows are open.

The light in the room seems to be a lot brighter than normal. I guess I wouldn't have it on normally in the morning because it's not needed. It feels quite peaceful.

I've had to put Andre into his cage because otherwise he'll be scratching at the door. But I told him he'd just be in there for half an hour or so and I'd let him out again. So hopefully he's okay.

Please remember to only listen or watch these sessions when you can safely close your eyes as this let me bore you to sleep may cause boredom. Someone posted a comment on my YouTube channel and if you wanted to visit my YouTube channel it's Jason Newland's Sleep Hypnosis. That's the name of the channel.

Someone posted a comment on one of these sessions saying that he was bored to sleep within 10 minutes or something or five minutes. So I commented, replied back and said sorry it took so long to bore you. I was very pleased with my quick witted comment.

But it's nice to know that I've got people that support me, you know, on YouTube and people on SoundCloud. I don't ever really hear anything from the people on SoundCloud. I don't really get much in the way of comments from the podcasts.

Even though thousands are downloaded and played every week, I just know nobody really leaves a comment unless everybody hates the sessions. But yeah, no one never really had much in the way of comments on that. Had comments on the YouTube channel, comments on Facebook, comments on my website, stuff like that.

But after, you know, with SoundCloud, that channel, that podcast, after 150,000 plus plays, I thought I would have had at least one comment, but nothing. So if you are listening on SoundCloud, or iTunes or Podomatic or Podbean or SpreeCurve or LizardTrack, so many different ones, then maybe you can leave a comment. Say hello, just to let me know you're there.

It's like I know you're there, but at the same time, I don't know you're there. I guess it would be like being on stage, but I'm facing with my back to the audience. I know they can hear me, but they're being very quiet.

And I wonder, are they still there? How many people are there? And I'm assured that it's a full audience. But I'm talking and I've got headphones on, or earplugs, so I can't hear the audience. I guess this is nothing like that, but I'm trying to think of an analogy, some kind of connection.

So for those that, if this is your first, excuse me, if this is your first time listening to me doing these, let me bore you to sleep. But all it is, is just me talking. Sometimes I'll talk about absolutely nothing.

Sometimes I'll talk about absolutely nothing and maybe have a little break and talk about something now and then throughout, like interweave it. I like the odd, a little bit like sweet corn in a big pile of poo, you know, that's a nice analogy. So other times I might talk about my life, other times, and I say other times, other days, because these seem to be turning into a little daily adventure.

Which has surprised me because I didn't have that intention when I started them. I started with the full intention of just doing a few sessions and then I guess moving on to the next thing, which is what I normally do. I think the biggest daily course I ever did was 34 days.

Which is a daily relaxation, hypnosis course for anxiety, stress and stuff. And I did them last year, I think near the beginning of last year. And they were, some of them were quite long.

But 34 days was kind of as many as I could do and I just, I'd had enough. It was, but I did over a month, every day for a month. At the same time as that, I was also doing a weekly pain relief session and a weekly sleep session.

So I was kind of piling it on, quite a lot of work on me. But for some reason, these, maybe it's the unstructured, structured-ness of these recordings that appealed to me. Because I really can just say anything I want to say.

And I can just be my normal. In fact, I can just actually try and be exciting. And at the same time, also be boring.

Because that's my superpower. The ability to bore people. So instead of beating myself up about it, instead of criticizing myself, I've embraced it.

And I'm using that, that boring personality to help others to sleep. Because let's face it, if you was in a room with me right now, and I was just talking at you, which is what I would do. I don't like to talk with people, I like to talk at them.

And the only things I want to discuss are things that interest me. And the only subject matter that I really like talking about is myself. So it makes me the ideal candidate to make recordings like this.

Because I can just talk at you. And if you were in the room with me, I would see your eyes glaze over. Because I've moved on from talking at people with complete and oblivion to it.

You know, I'm actually very aware of my tendency, or what my need to talk at people. And I'm very aware that I'm only interested in myself. Sometimes I'm not even interested in that.

That's the thing, I might have said this before, but I'll help people if I can. You know the old saying, people take weakness, kindness for weakness. Some people, yeah, some people say that, oh, you know, they're taking kindness for weakness.

With me, people take kindness for interest. Because I'm being kind, they think that I'm interested sometimes. And generally I'm not.

And it's not because I don't want to be. I'd love to be. This isn't how I want to be, trust me.

Life would be so much easier if I could, I don't know, have an interest in other people's lives. But I generally don't have that. I don't think about other people when they're not with me.

I don't give them that much attention when they're with me. But I don't worry about people. And it's not because a lack of caring, because I do care, kind of.

I just, you know, don't have that interest for the... Okay, I'll give you an idea. I like cornflakes. And I think of people the same way as I think of a box of cornflakes.

Bear with me while I explain this. Box of cornflakes, I just open the packet up and pour some of them into a bowl, add milk, sugar, whatever I want to add to it, and eat it. That's done.

I have no interest in the production of the cornflakes. I'm not interested in how they're produced, where the corn was grown, where the box was made, how it was processed, what people worked on the product, how it got delivered from the warehouse to the supermarket. Really, I mean, that's the life of the box of cornflakes.

And I'm not, just not that interested. But I do care that they taste nice. I do care that they're crispy and crunchy and have the right texture and sound nice when I crunch them and eat them.

Again, probably not the best analogy comparing human relationships with breakfast cereal. Maybe. So that's what these sessions are about.

And I seem to be developing some kind of a lisp, a little bit of a lisp, and I don't really know why. Because, see? Maybe it's just the way I'm talking. Maybe my way of talking has changed.

Maybe I've got lazier. I'm not pronouncing my words correctly or as well as perhaps I used to. I see.

It's not like I've got any major dental issues or missing teeth that I used to have. If I suddenly had a gap at the front of my teeth, it might affect my speech. Or if I had an injury, some kind of gum issue or lip problem, but maybe it's the beard.

Maybe the beard's so heavy that it's dragging my jaw down and I'm struggling to keep my mouth together. I look like a fly catcher. Or someone that's just constantly surprised.

So I'd like you to focus on how you feel. And remember, one of the things that, it's not just one of the things, it's kind of the thing, the secret ingredient to these sessions is, if you can put up with me waffling on, the more sessions you listen to, the more you'll find yourself really getting tired. And regardless of how tired you feel now, when it comes to your time to go to sleep, to go to bed, to go to sleep, the second your head touches your pillow, something happens.

There's a real natural response. And your body becomes more relaxed, your mind slows down and becomes more relaxed. You have more of a sense of well-being, a calmness.

Regardless of what's going on outside, if there's any sounds of wind or rain or any other kind of weather, because none of that stuff really matters when you're feeling sleepy and calm. And you can enjoy that feeling without any kind of pressure to sleep or to stay awake. No pressure to do anything.

At that point where you just don't care, it doesn't matter. Because you remember that you were born with the ability to sleep deeply and easily. We were all born with that.

Of course, we can't do all the things that we used to do when we were babies, blowing snot bubbles. I've tried to do that, but it's difficult. But babies can do it.

They're really good at that. Poo in your pants, you can't really get away with that until you get much older, maybe. But sleeping, it's an inbuilt thing that takes no effort.

In fact, effort is the opposite. In order for you to try and sleep, if you try and force yourself to sleep, it's the same as someone ringing a bell. You know those really loud bells right in your ear saying, sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep.

It's not going to work. You can't be forced. Personally, I don't think anything should be forced, especially things like farts.

Don't force a fart, ever. I don't even run for buses. Not that there's necessarily a connection between forcing farts and running for buses, but I don't find it that important.

If a fart's ready to surprise and delight you and your friends and family, then great. But if it's not ready yet, if it's not fully formed, there's no fun in a premature fart. I'm thinking that should be maybe the title of my autobiography.

There's no fun in a premature fart. It's falling asleep. It's just allowing your brain and your mind to just do what comes naturally.

Because if you're lying there thinking, oh, I've got to go to sleep, I want to go to sleep, and you're trying to force yourself and you're moaning at yourself and any of that kind of stuff, that would be the same as trying to walk a tight rope and thinking, please don't fall, please don't fall, please don't fall. Or juggling, please don't drop a ball, please don't drop an egg, please don't drop a coconut. That's if you're using lots of different things.

That'd be of no use. I mean, if you was on a bus, you wouldn't want the bus driver to think the bus driver's saying to themselves, oh, please don't crash, please don't crash, please don't crash. That would be, especially if they said it out loud, I'd probably want to get off the bus.

Well, I'd say, I'd wait until the next stop, so I wouldn't want him to crash. But you know, you can't force it. You can try, but it doesn't work.

Sleeping is the most natural thing in the world. We're born to do it. So yeah, I live with a ferret.

Don't worry, this is connected with what I'm talking about. I'm not going off just randomly. I've always talked about premature farts, bus drivers who don't want to crash.

Now he's talking about ferrets. No, it's okay. It's the reason I'm talking about Andre, is because he is never more than five seconds from being fully asleep.

He can fall asleep instantly. And I've actually watched him when he's tired, trying to stay awake. Maybe he's in his cage and he doesn't want to be in the cage.

He wants to be outside, being naughty or whatever. And he's lying in his hammock. He's holding his head up, looking at me.

And I watch him as his eyes start to close and his head starts to fall down. I don't mean like roll away, obviously it's connected to him. But his head just goes floppy, his neck goes floppy.

That just reminds me of the time when I was at Butlin's and I'd had a particularly late night the night before. And the next day we, well me and loads of other people, had to attend this lecture on, I think it might have been health and safety and all kinds of stuff, but it lasted for a few hours. And the more I tried to force my eyes to stay open, the more my eyes were closing.

So it's like trying to force something triggered the opposite to happen. It's an interesting concept, really. I think we've possibly all been in that situation when you're really, really tired and you're trying to keep everything together and you're trying to stay alert and awake.

And the more you do that, the tired you get. Which is why I always say at the beginning of these sessions, only listen or watch when you can safely close your eyes. So if you're in the space station or something at the moment, you're controlling it.

And maybe don't listen to this until some of the other astronauts are awake. I don't live too far away from a railway track. It's not like a walking distance as in, you know, I couldn't just skip there.

I couldn't run there in my slippers and dressing gown without anyone seeing me. Unless it was, I suppose, late at night when all the lights are off. But then why would I do that anyway? But it's a walk, but it's close enough for me to hear the trains.

And during the day, I don't notice it that much. Although there are more trains during the day I imagine than during the night. There's also the railways, they use it for transporting, I guess, cargo and things like that, you know, between the docks from around the country.

And the late night trains, the ones at two, three in the morning, they bid their horn. You know, the doo doo. That was my impression of a train horn.

I might have been able to make it sound a bit better, but a bit more realistic, a bit more in tune. But the thing is, I don't think it fits in with the relaxed kind of vibe of the session. If I start suddenly yelling out an impression of a train honking its horn, honking its horn.

That's a funny term, isn't it? Why'd you get sacked? I was honking my horn, I got caught. So yeah, everything's okay. I've been, the reason I didn't do this this morning is because I was helping someone out.

So I was busy. I mean, I've been really, really working on my website, JasonNewland.com1. jasonnewland.com, not JasonNewland.com1. I say one as in the one that particular website, not one as in the number. And it's kind of coming together quite nice.

It's very, quite complex, what I'm doing. Very intricate. It's a bit like trying to do a life-size... Hear the train, how noisy it is out there.

It's quite loud. More so than normal, unless that's a plane. I'm not sure.

It's some kind of transport made of metal. I forget what I was going to say there. The intricateness of what I'm doing on the website is... It's just very... Not tedious so much, but time-consuming and I have to try and stay focused on it.

And make sure that I don't miss anything out and everything I do needs to be rechecked and rechecked by me. It's just continuous. I'm quite pleased with how it's going.

I just found out that most of my podcasts are now on Spotify. I didn't even realize it until today. I knew that one was, but most of them are.

I also realized that the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast, which is on Podbean, I've not shared that with many other podcasts other than iTunes and Spreaker, I think. Which means I need to share that. And also, so with quite a few other podcast hosts.

See, it's all kind of going quite nicely. There's still a fair bit of work to do. Sometimes it's... I find it difficult to know which bit to focus on the most.

What needs my attention? Is it the website? Is it the podcasts? Is it the YouTube video channels, which I still have work to do on them? And yeah, so there's still a fair bit to do. Yeah. I'm quite pleased with how it is going at the moment.

Took Conrad for a walk today. He had me going all around the place. He loves exploring.

Really, that's his playtime. Run around after balls and games. Playing with toys at home isn't really what he wants to do anymore.

He wants to go outside. That's the thing that he wants more than anything is to go out. So I think as the summer starts to arrive, I'll maybe try and get into some kind of routine where I take him out maybe twice a day instead of once.

He just absolutely loves being outside. It seems to be his favorite thing, other than wiping his ass on my carpet. That seems to be his... Waking me up by biting my toes.

There are a few of his favorite things. I'll turn to Mary Poppins here. Is it Mary Poppins that sung that? Here's a few of my favorite things.

Pooing on the bathroom floor. Biting daddy's feet. Trying to eat daddy's food off his plate.

When all he's done is gone back into the kitchen to get something. Yeah, a few of his favorite things. Stir my slippers and ruining them.

Irreparably ruining my slippers. That's one of his favorite things. But going out, regardless of the weather, he doesn't care because if it's too cold, he knows he can climb inside my jacket.

If he gets too wet, he climbs all over me and dries himself off on me. If he gets tired, I carry him. For a short while and then he goes back down on the floor.

Or if he gets really tired, he climbs into my jacket. So he's got it. He's got it good always.

He's got all angles covered. I'm like a human taxi. Human rickshaw.

I don't know. I have something to eat now, I think. I'll treat myself to maybe a bit of ice cream later on.

And this is another uneventful recording from the podcast called Let Me Bore You to Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. You can Google me if you want to find out all my different stuff that I do.

Or go to my website, jasonnewland.com. Go to Podbean, which is where the main podcast is. Also on iTunes as well. This podcast is.

So, take care and I could so easily go to sleep right now. I did record a session once where I fell asleep. I just started snoring.

Anyway, I'm going to go. You take care. See you tomorrow.

Bye.