#18 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (20th April 2018)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Not Let Me Bore You To Sleep, but Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Not that there's any difference between the two titles, it's just one sounds a bit more livelier maybe than the other and I've no idea what I'm talking about.

But as with the rest of this session and pretty much everything else I do, I just make it up as I go along. So the whole point of this thing, this recording, is that I just talk for however long the session lasts. Because I don't know how long it's going to last.

It could be 10 minutes, it could be 20 minutes, it could be 40, it could be an hour, it could be two hours, who knows. I hope it's not two hours long because well I think I'll be asleep at the end of it. So only listen to this or watch the video if you watch it on YouTube if you can safely close your eyes or when you can safely close your eyes because this sleep session may cause drowsiness.

And that's it. So I suppose the warning should be me talking about my life may cause incredibly, incredible boredness. Boredness? Boredness? Borednesses? Whatever the real, you know, proper word is.

Boredom. Boredom, that's what I was looking for. Boredom.

You can't have to say boredom in a kind of a flat way. If you say boredom like that it doesn't quite sound as boring. I suppose we, it's natural isn't it? He said, oh I really enjoyed the party last night, it was really exciting.

That kind of doesn't really fit, does it, when you say the word exciting? I guess it perhaps needs to have a little bit more life to it but I can't be bothered to say the word any other way right now. So an exciting thing's happened. I'm still, I'm using the recorder but I've got batteries in it instead of having it connected to the main, oh, I just realised just as I started talking I got bored before I even finished a sentence.

So I'll try and continue. Before I used to connect it to the main plug but now I've bought some batteries and for some reason it's given me a sense of renewal. It's like a like a new slate.

It's like I'm starting all over again, turning a new leaf, new slate. I've got a new renewed energy about me because I've got new batteries in my recording studio thing. I know, it's, the good thing about this is I can talk about pointless stuff and that's kind of the point.

I had somebody recently who sent me a message on Facebook telling me that this was useful, listening to these sessions was useful and she said that I think her husband, she put the volume up for her husband to listen to and he found it funny. So it's, I suppose it's, I've had that, you know, in the past when I've had a friend who, I used to have a friend, honest, I did, and this friend, and so I was posting my hypnosis videos onto Facebook for people to share and watch and listen and, you know, hopefully maybe gain some kind of benefit from those videos.

And my friend watched one of those videos or I imagine she didn't watch a lot of it, maybe some of it, and she posted a comment saying how funny it was and I think it was because she'd never seen me on a video before and she'd seen my face before because I used to date her and plus, you know, I knew her so I guess she would have seen my face.

There seems to be something different from seeing someone's face in person talking compared to seeing somebody on a video screen talking and it seems to, I don't know, because for me, I've been doing it for so long, you know, I was, I was a young man when I started making the hypnosis videos online. I was 35 and coming up to 48 soon, so I was just a, just a lad, just a tiny small child of 35 and seeing myself on a video screen, on a computer screen, it's just natural. Not that I spend a lot of time watching myself because, I'll be honest, the novelty of seeing myself on the internet wore off.

A few months ago, in fact, so it lasted for 12 years, but the novelty, very exciting, but a few months ago. No, but I'm not that bothered about seeing myself, though it is kind of interesting to look back at, in a way, how much younger I looked, but then I was younger. There's not really any surprise, is there? I don't know if there's any reason for people to be surprised when they look at pictures of themselves.

You see that, don't you, when someone looks at a photograph album and they see a picture of themselves 40 years ago, and they're surprised at how young they look, kind of should look young. If you're 70 and you're looking at a picture, photographs of yourself when you were 19, and you still look the same as you do now, there's probably something wrong with you. There's probably something physical.

You know, if you look 70 when you were 19, not there's anything wrong with looking 70. It's a lovely, lovely, lovely look. But I did look younger, but when I first did the videos, I was doing them in black and white.

It wasn't because, you know, there were no colour video cameras, you know. This wasn't, you know, in the 40s, 1940s or 50s, you know, the colour did have the availability of a colour camcorder or webcam. But I found the picture was better in black and white than it was in colour, because the webcams back then weren't that great.

They're not particularly brilliant now even. But I feel anything that connects to a computer via a USB lead never really seems to have the quality that you may get with something that's on its own, you know, that you can film. Separately, and then maybe connect to transfer the file.

By the way, that's that's the, that's the chair creak in there. It's not me testing out new noises. I do like making noises sometimes.

That's one of my noises I like to make. It's not really a noise, but the sound. Seems to be this emotional connection to the word noise.

But sound, sound is just more of a factual thing, isn't it? I'll just let you know that there may be background sounds. One of which I just realised is my laptop is growling for some reason in the background. You've got the standard sounds.

You've got the fridge in the kitchen buzzing away. There's maybe sounds of the neighbours in their kitchens doing whatever people do in kitchens. There's the occasional car will pull up.

You may hear that. You may hear Andre jumping up suddenly and running over to do a poo or a wee or just to scratch himself. You may not actually hear the poo.

Although sometimes he does make a little bit of noise. It seems like he saves up his farts for when he poos. I let them go, you know, throughout the day.

I don't, I don't build the gas up. I think he builds the gas up. He just lets it all go at one time.

It's quite funny seeing him crouching down, his tail sticking up and just staring at me as if to say, stop looking. Daddy, stop looking. This isn't for your eyes.

How come you get to close the door when you go to the toilet, but I have to do it in front of you. And my answer to that is you don't have to do it in front of me. Go and do it in a different place.

He's got more than one place to go. We have these conversations. By the way, Andre is not my son.

He is my son, but he's a ferret. Just in case you think I've got a human child who I'll make go to the toilet. In the corner of the room, it's not that situation at all.

He's a ferret. He's a little furry ferret. And he is my son, but you know, not biologically.

Not with those claws and those teeth. That would have been a painful birth, especially without a vagina. So yeah, I suppose, yeah, because I can't, I'm a man, I can't give birth, but just forget I said that.

So the point of these, in a womb of course, the point of these sessions is, these recordings, is just for me to waffle on. Waffley, waffley, waffley, waffley on. And in the process, you can just relax.

Let go. And you can focus on my voice. You don't necessarily need to focus on the actual content of some of the things that I may say during the course of this recording.

But you can maybe focus just on my voice, the texture, the volume, the resonance. And as I said, the word resonance, I was trying to think of other words that could be connected with the sound of my voice. The timber, timber, temperature.

No, that'd be wrong. But yeah, basically just the base. If there's a base and maybe the flatness.

Although I don't think my voice is particularly flat, or maybe it is. But the real point is that the more that you focus on my voice, the less you focus on other things that are not relevant to this moment. And when you focus on less stuff, and you focus more and more on my voice, your mind naturally feels more relaxed.

Just naturally, regardless of what I'm talking about. I could count the hairs on my leg to you. I'm not going to, but I'm just saying I could do that.

So there's another hair. There's one more. That's another one there.

Oh, there's another one nearby as well. Oh, that one's sticking in a different direction. That one's a ginger hair.

And there's another gray hair. You know, I could go through that process, but the point is, as you focus more just on my voice, your mind naturally feels more relaxed. And you don't need me to tell you to feel relaxed.

That's the power of your own mind. That's the magic of focusing, because that's what hypnosis is, really. It's just focusing.

Then it can be what you do with that focus. But because this is focused on just me boring you to sleep, which means we don't need to focus on any particular thing. I don't need to talk about you getting in touch with that sense of gratitude that you have inside you towards various things, maybe people, maybe situations, maybe for what you have could be as simple as being grateful that you got this weird man in England who makes recordings that can help you feel really bored and allow your mind to just relax, declutter, and just kind of drift away, really.

I don't need to say any of that stuff. I don't need to point out that your body is also relaxing. The muscles in your body are feeling calmer because those things just happen naturally.

It really is just a case of me talking and talking and talking. You know, some people don't seem to know what they sound like, but I've been making these recordings for so long. I actually hear my voice the way that you hear my voice.

So when I speak, every word sounds like a Frank Sinatra song. You know, it's very beautiful. I think Andre's going to tell me what he thinks about that when I go into the toilet.

I just hope he's not going to be jumping up at the radiator or trying to scratch at the front door to go out. I wonder why my chair is so creaky. It didn't used to be.

Maybe I should get some kind of oil. Apparently, if you use furniture polish on door hinges, it can stop the door hinges from creaking. And it saves using oil, which can just make a mess.

Of course, I hold no responsibility. If you do try that out and it doesn't work and the door just falls off or shrinks down to the size of a pea or a really, really small letterbox. So I'm not going to take responsibility for that, but I have tested it myself and it did work.

It was my dad that told me. He said, do you know what, son? He calls me son. I don't think he actually knows what my name is.

He's been calling me son forever. Never actually heard him say my name. I just wonder what would he do if I was a girl? Because he couldn't keep calling me daughter, not unless he wanted to go back in time about a hundred years.

Then it'd be more acceptable. But he said, son, your bathroom door is very creaky. And if you've got some furniture polish, all you need to do is just spray the furniture polish onto the door hinge.

The door, by the way, the door hinge is the bit that holds the door onto the door frame. It's that metal connection. And that's what allows the door to open and close without falling off.

It attaches it to the door, otherwise it wouldn't be attached. But if it didn't have a hinge, and it was attached, then it'd just be attached. You wouldn't be able to open it.

So you'd need to have another door built into the door you already have. And you kind of need a hinge on there. If you didn't have a hinge at all, maybe you need to get yourself a cat flap, but a really large cat flap.

There again, I suppose, cat flaps have hinges as well, but they're all built in when you buy them. So you don't have to kind of add that to it. And I said to my dad, okay, so do you want some pizza? Which was the original question I asked him.

But you know, he started talking about doors and hinges and the bathroom. And sometimes it goes off topic. I actually saw him yesterday and he said, he's 72 now.

And he said to me that he's got a 30 year plan. And I said, what's that? To stay alive. And I realized that maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I did.

And I was certainly pleased with myself because I thought, oh, it's quite a, it's a mildly humorous thing to say. I didn't say that out loud because that doesn't really fit. When you say to someone something and then, and it was, you know, asked him, did you find that humorous at all? I did.

I asked him to gauge it, you know, zero out to 10, you know, so you can maybe use it again in a future conversation with somebody else. You know, I like to do, I like to talk to people and tell them something in a future conversation. So maybe it's something that they've already told me.

For example, I said to a friend, did you know, there used to be a railway track through that field, you know, 20 years ago. And he said, he looked at me and said, I told you that. And I said, oh, I knew, I just, something about it that not intrigues me, because that would really not be the right word, tickles me a little bit about doing that, telling people something that they've told me.

It's even more fun to do with liars. If you know someone that lies a lot, you can just tell them stuff that they've told you, or even more fun, if you know somebody that is, for whatever reason, feels the need to say the opposite to whatever you say. There are some people out there, then find something that they like, and then you can play with them.

So there's this person that I used to work with, and anything I said, she'd always say the opposite. I'd say, oh, looking forward to Easter. And she'd say, oh, you know, don't like Easter, don't like that.

I'd say, oh, I'm looking forward to breathing tomorrow. Oh, I don't like oxygen. You know, that kind of person always didn't like whatever I liked.

So I waited, I waited my, I took my time, and I knew that she was a... What a lovely sound in the background, all the way climbing into his cage to get some food. I knew that she really enjoyed watching The X Factor on television. So I took my time, waited for months and months, until The X Factor was coming back.

And I said, my boss said to me, what are you doing the weekend, son? And I said, don't call me son, call me Jason. And he said, oh, sorry, I thought I was your dad in the story. I said, no, you're my boss.

He said, oh, okay, I'll get muddled up because your stories are so boring. I said, it's okay, it's kind of the point. And he said, sorry, I'm yawning, but I can't be bothered to not yawn.

It's really hard to stop. I said, I can't really understand you when you're talking and yawning. It's very, I could see what you had for dinner last week.

Your mouth was so wide. And he said, that doesn't make sense. I said, I know.

And he said, so what are you doing for the weekend? And to me, and I said, I'm not sure if he said Jason, because he was looking at me. If you're actually looking at a person, you don't need to say their name, I don't think. If you're talking to one person, why would you ever need to say their name? In case they don't know it's them that you're talking to.

Anyway, so my boss said, what you, sorry about the background sounds, but that's Andre, making love to the carrier bags in the kitchen. I'm not even joking. And so my boss said, what are you doing the weekend? I said, well, Saturday night, I'm going to watch the first edition of the new series of, or new season of X Factor on television.

And this woman that I was talking about before, she said, I hate X Factor. And she just, it's like she froze because she realized that actually she loves X Factor and she had nowhere to go. She not, I don't mean physically.

I mean, she did have a home and she was married and she had a car and there was routes out of the building, you know, the doors and stuff. So she had plenty of places to go. But I think verbally she, mentally, she was kind of stuck because she just committed herself to something that she didn't believe in.

And she just froze there. When I said froze there, I don't mean she's still there now with her mouth open. Yeah.

Just stuck. I mean, it wasn't that kind of a situation, but she really seemed confused and it was worth it. I quite enjoyed that moment.

It sounds like I'd planned that, you know, I've been waiting months to do that. It wasn't that I was at home every night, you know, putting together some sophisticated construction in order to catch her out. I wasn't, you know, that important to me.

I didn't, you know, I didn't miss, miss dinners so I could think about it and work on the plan. It was just something that came about naturally and I just waited for my moment. So there was that contrary, is that the right term? Contrary person.

Contrary, contrary, contrary. Maybe that's not the right word. And sometimes people that seem contrary, they just don't agree with you.

You know, it's just got different ideas, which is fine. It's annoying at times, of course. It'd be lovely if everyone agreed with us all the time.

Although I wouldn't like that because I talk so much rubbish sometimes that I don't really want people agreeing with me. I think it'd be quite worrying if I had someone nodding the whole time saying, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Ooh, yeah. A knife for a sausage, you know, roll. Yeah, let's eat that.

Yeah. So I don't know what Andre's doing now. He's in the bedroom now, just, just doing his thing really.

I don't judge him for it. He's a teenage boy now and he's got to do what he's got to do. Today he was biting me because I think he mistook me for a, for his slipper.

Because he, he's basically got a slipper. It was an old slipper of mine and he used, it's his girlfriend and he uses, without going into graphics, he uses the slipper as the head or the neck and he grabs hold of that and shakes it around and he doesn't let go. He doesn't let go at all for the whole time that he's doing what he's doing.

And then he pulls together clothes on the floor, plastic bags, anything that he can use to, as the body basically. Well, this morning he actually ripped my finger, my hand open. I didn't even realise he'd done it until this evening.

So it, uh, he was biting me a little bit too hard today. He doesn't do that very often, but when he does do it, I'll tell you about it in detail and I'll make it part of the therapeutic process that this recording is part of. Something bigger, something less obvious than may seem at first, because even though talking about Andre the ferret hasn't really got a huge amount to do with sleeping or falling asleep, he could have something to teach all of us when it comes to sleeping, because he's never more than about five seconds away from being fast asleep.

He can fall asleep in seconds and sometimes he's asleep and he can be, he can wake up instantly. Other times he's asleep and pretty much nothing wakes him up. I don't know if you've seen the film.

What about Bob with Bill Murray? And there's a scene in the film where he's asleep and I think it's Richard Dreyfuss is trying to wake him up using all kinds of really loud instruments and things to try and wake him up and nothing could wake him up. I think he's using tambourines and trumpets and stuff like that and nothing woke him up. And then Bob was still laying there or Bill Murray, that is Bob, and his alarm clock went off and that woke him up.

And he just did a big yawn. It's not really relative to what we're talking about, but I suppose a bit like that Andre is, if he's deep asleep, he's deep asleep. I think he's quite happy when he's like that.

I think he goes into some kind of hibernation mode. And in a sense we all do to a degree. When we go to sleep, there's less activity in our body.

We're not reusing much in the way of energy. Everything kind of slows down. Mind slows down.

It's still activity, but it's a different type of activity. It's not the kind of activity that needs the conscious mind to be involved at all. In fact, sleeping requires the conscious mind just to go away really.

It's a separate thing. That's something that maybe is important for us to remember that we are not invited to go to sleep. The conscious mind is not invited to go to sleep.

The conscious mind is not invited. Sleeping is separate from the conscious mind. You can't be conscious and asleep at the same time.

You can sometimes have an awareness when you're asleep, but then I think when we dream, there is an awareness of the dream, but it's a different type of awareness that we think of the conscious mind. You just leave that behind when you go to sleep and you drift off. In the same way, you leave your job behind when you go on holiday.

If you're about to go on holiday for a week or two weeks, you don't get a removal van and start putting all the different machinery or the computers or whatever it is you work with into the van desks and start removing the office and putting it all into a big van to the lorries and trucks to take with you on holiday because then it wouldn't be a holiday. It would be moving and that's far from a holiday. In the same way, your conscious mind is not invited to join you on your daily holiday, which is going to sleep.

That conscious part, which is the need to control things, that need to control how you feel and what you think and all that stuff is not invited, not necessary. It's still part of the sleeping process. In the same way as you wouldn't put a CD of some heavy metal music on really loudly and also on repeat, so it's playing all night.

If you lay down, I then wondered why you weren't falling asleep. That's the same way, same thing as having your conscious mind there, yabbering on, thinking about stuff, working out stuff, worrying and nagging you and complaining and fantasizing, planning and all the different things your conscious mind may do. None of it is useful when you're sleeping.

A lot of it probably isn't useful when you're awake either. That's not for me to decide, for you to make those changes that come about naturally anyway, which improves your life and allows you to have more joy and happiness and getting more in touch with how amazing you are. The conscious mind can just go away, leaving you to just drift into a sleep naturally.

So you can leave the conscious mind outside the bedroom door. When you get into bed, you can feel that sense of calmness within you. That really is a creaky chair.

I don't know if I told you, but there's a way you can actually get rid of creaks, like creaky doors, by using furniture polish. So I might try to do that with the chair. I think it was my dad that told me that.

Don't worry, I won't tell you the story again. I'll wait for another day. Another day I'll surprise you and excite you with another story of amazement.

Creaky doors and stories of other things that I've forgotten what I've talked about, because none of it really is particularly important. It's all about just focusing and allowing your mind to do what your mind does naturally. Because we were born, which is lucky because we wouldn't be here doing this if we weren't.

Perhaps I should finish a sentence. We were born to sleep naturally. Every baby can just sleep easily.

And sleeping is where we heal, where we repair our bodies and our minds. We kind of recover from the day before and allows those neurological, those new neurological connections to grow, so that you can actually notice that the more that you listen to my voice during these, let me bore you to sleep recordings, the more bored you get, quicker, how you notice that your brain starts to switch off naturally. And it's quite a nice position to be in, I guess, because you start to get used to being able to sleep easier, more natural.

And that's a gift that keeps growing every day. And that is the end of this recording. So for me, Andre the Ferret, and my squeaky black chair, or should I say creaky, creaky black chair, stay well, sleep well, and I will speak to you again very soon.

Bye.