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Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is the sounds of carry bags being, I'm not sure what's being done to them, by a ferret called Andre and he's right behind me. Actually as we speak he was, he was playing with a sock and now he's biting the pedal of my exercise bike.
And now he's scratching underneath the exercise bike. Now he's trying to actually get onto the exercise bike. It looks like he's trying to ride it.
He's trying to get onto the pedal. Now he's trying to climb on it again. Scratching my vehicle.
Andre that is too expensive for you to be scratching. No that's not stopped him. Now he's doing the other side.
He thinks it's because I can't see him. I want to know he's doing it even though listen how noisy it is. Andre please stop.
This is not the correct etiquette this time of night. Oh and now he's going to play with the abdominal exercise board. He's trying to get up there now.
What's next you're going to go and have a go on a punch bag? Yes ladies and gentlemen I have myself a gym in my home. I'm not doing too bad really considering. So I've got the punch bag.
I don't know what I got, which ones I got first. I think I got the punch bag first. Then the abdominal, no I got the weights first.
Then the punch bag. Then the abdominal board. And now the exercise bike.
And I still look like a balloon. An out of shape, an out of shape balloon. I've got a pun for you.
I don't normally do puns. Did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I don't normally do puns but here you go. Back in April when or March April when the coronavirus I was living in the UK.
This might only be a pun for people in you know the UK because it might not make sense to anyone else. Anyway when I first when it first all kicked off and it was you know started to get well that's the news there was. I remember saying to my friend because the Prime Minister was going on saying do this do this don't do that you can do this.
Constantly contradicting himself every other sentence. I remember saying to my friend the way this is going this is all gonna this is all gonna end up in tears. Tears.
Anyway that that might not make sense to me might not even be funny but it's just I don't do puns so I'm very pleased with myself. People that love puns will enjoy that I think. That's what I think.
And I like to I like to be very varied enough to appeal to a wide audience. Although apparently oh wow is she sorry I'm just looking at Facebook. Jessica all right.
I don't know why she's on my Facebook page but she's live and she's and I don't know what she's doing. A lot more people these days are going live on Facebook. I've noticed that.
Yeah she posts a lot of pictures certain sort of types of pictures. Again I don't know if I added her or she added me. And sometimes she listens to my stuff.
Hi Jessica if you do. Jessica Louise Zalonsky. Jessica Louise Zalonsky she's a lovely lady.
I don't but I don't know because I've got people on my podcast on my Facebook rather that doesn't they don't actually listen to me. And I do sometimes wonder how they I don't know. I got a message from Lesley.
Hi Lesley saying Jason will you be doing. I could only see part of what you said because you commented on a video that was from August. And the video has hundreds of comments.
So I can't actually scan down to see what's going on. I can't see what your comment was but it's giving me something that like says something like Jason will you be doing some live broadcast or something. A video like on Facebook.
I don't know. I don't like doing videos anymore. What's that noise? Sounded like someone was in the bathroom.
What's he doing? He's bugging me now. I know what he's doing. He's in the kitchen.
He's got this little tennis ball. It's a little tennis ball. It's not like a human size.
But it's just the right size for him. And he loves playing with it. It's actually one of his favourite toys.
And he plays with it and he can bite it. And it's basically totally frayed in a way. I don't know if that's the right word.
But completely destroyed. So it's just got bits of material sticking out. So he grabs it with his mouth.
And like wiggles around and stuff. And then he takes it with his hand. And then he moves this from a hand to his feet.
And yesterday, or recently, he likes to then kick it towards me with his feet. And then I kick it back at him and he grabs it. And then he kicks it towards me again.
I think he's way more intelligent than I think. Because I spend so much time with him. I've noticed how he manipulates me.
So he's got a new thing now. Where he runs towards his water bowl. It's a big, big bowl of water.
And he just stares at me and then looks back at the water, looks at me, then looks back at the water. And I think, is it because he wants me to change the water? He'll change it every day. And you know, you might think, well, you should change it every three, four times a day, surely.
He drinks out of a drain. You see the things that he will lick. Honestly, he'd happily drink out of a puddle.
He doesn't like puddles, but he'll drink out of them. But he sniffs, he'll drink out of it. He eats, he licks lemposts, the bottoms of lemposts, where the, well, it's accumulation of various dogs, markings, you know, wee-wees.
So as far as that goes, I'm not going to get too worried about whether or not his water is fresh enough. You know, I change it every day. And as I give him his food and stuff, but he does, he stares at me.
And then I go into the bathroom and I change the water and then he's gone. There's nowhere to be seen. And I think, well, I'm just, I'm just kind of imagining, I'm not imagining him being there, but imagining that he was doing it for that reason.
So I put the water down and I walk away and suddenly out of nowhere, from underneath the chair, he runs. And I look and he's drinking the water. I was like, wow.
Another thing he does is, if he's hungry, he will push the bowl, the empty bowl, I mean, in the past, he's even just pushed the whole thing over because he wants his dinner. Now, that's very cheeky. He's very cheeky.
He's, I don't know what's going on with him, but I've realised that even if I covered this entire floor with paper, other than one tiny spot, almost like, you know, an Achilles heel, just a tiny little spot that hasn't been covered, he would go to the toilet on the carpet still. That one spot. He can't help himself.
He's almost, I don't know, I need to get rid of this carpet. There's a few things I'd like to do. I'd like to get a chair, ideally before the end of the year, a proper chair that, you know, a recliner that I can sit in and watch television because this chair that I've got here, because I got rid of the other recliner, this chair is just not comfortable to watch television with.
I can't relax. It's not a conversational chair. It's perfect for this.
Perfect for making recordings. Absolutely the ideal chair. Because if I do this in a recliner chair, I'm just going to fall asleep.
But doing it in this chair. What is he doing out there? So I'd like to do that. Get a carpet.
That's not going to happen this year. Maybe next year. Look into it.
The main thing is just to get the living room carpet changed. The bedroom carpet is not too bad. He doesn't spend a huge time in there.
If he goes into the bedroom, he usually goes in there to sleep. So we sleep on my bed or in a shed or somewhere, but he doesn't. All of his toys are in here.
Now, it's been about three days or two, two or three days since I've tidied this room up and made a whole area, which is behind me, which he's got all his toys in. But the toys are starting to spread out. It's starting to sort of move around, especially the balls.
I see him is asleep so much of the time. Sometimes it seems like he doesn't do anything. And then I go to bed and I'll get up and there's things moved around.
So he's clearly playing when I'm not in the room. It'll be like Toy Story, you know? Well, apart from, that's nothing like Toy Story, is it? No. So today, today, today, guess what I did? I didn't do much, but a couple of things I did.
First of all, I made a recording that didn't come out right. It was annoying. I did that in my shed and it was just, it didn't work.
And then I turned the oven on to heat the oven on to cook some food. I don't know why I'm adding the cook some food bit. I turned the oven on so that I could look at pictures of goldfish.
Of course it's to cook food, isn't it? And I smelled this burning after about 10 minutes. I go in there and I hadn't turned the oven on. I turned the hob on and the hob on top of the, you know, the cooker had a saucepan, an empty saucepan, and it was black inside, completely burnt.
I put some water in it and it went like that. I think he enjoyed it. And that's a very pleasurable sound, isn't it? It's like here, here, here.
That's a pleasurable sound, I think. And some more. More.
So that's the spots. That is a ruined saucepan. Ruined.
I tell you. So that's a little bit annoying. So those two things I did, the recording, that was all in the same period of time.
And then that's it really, I haven't done much, I was up all night, so yeah, I guess really I can't complain, so I didn't do anything today when actually the day has still got another maybe 5 or 6 hours left, for me, for me, oh I know what it is, I thought boxing was on tomorrow night and it's not, it's on next weekend, I was looking forward to it, it's Cesaro against Usyk, and it's, you know when you, you know, well I know not everybody is going to be a boxing fan, but from a sports
perspective, I know some people say I don't like any sports, but you probably do kind of like one, there's got to be one that you find quite interesting, or maybe not sport, something competitive, so darts maybe, is darts a sport, it's definitely the perfect sport for me, because it's the most non-physical sport there is, apart from needing to stand up, that's about it isn't it, and I don't know, what other sports, driving, those people, F1, Formula 1 or whatever, can't even call it Formula 1, F1, how lazy, and mind you I suppose to be a
sport spectator, you don't need to be physically active to do such a thing, but I imagine a lot of people love certain sports, because either they do it, you know, it's for fun, or maybe they used to do it, or when they were childs, or perhaps they wish they would have liked to have done it, I think for me boxing is the last one, I did go to one boxing class, but wait a minute, that's not right, I'm talking about when I was a kid, I went to one boxing class, and then when I was
38 I think I was, 39, I went to boxing for a year, so lovely village that was, boxing, the village of boxing, and I went to, twice a week to boxing for about a year, I can't believe, he's sneezing, can you hear him, I think he's managed to get into the fridge and get an egg out, I don't know what he's up to, and yeah, it's really weird I forgot though, but I never boxed, you know, I never, I never fought in the ring as an amateur, so, you know, I don't, I haven't had that
experience, and I wish I had, any, you know, unless I'd give anything to be able to, to do that, I wouldn't give anything, you know, I can't do it, I'm too old, I'm not allowed to, I think, really, so that has gone from the carrier bag to the exercise machine, the exercise bike, and he's staring at me, I think I bashed the microphone there, sorry, I just had to pick him up, I don't know, say hello to all your fans out there, say hello, that's the noises he's making, say hello, what's that heavy breathing, say
hello, oh bloody hell, that was way too loud, that was way too loud, did you do that on purpose, how come you're sneezing so much, don't you know, I'll have to start wearing a mask when I'm around you, have you been tested, have you been tested, test and trace, test and trace, oh no, little baby boy, look, I know you are the cutest, yeah, you are the cutest, but you're also the annoyingest, what's that weird noise you made, what's that, are you okay, so I know when I look at him, sometimes he does just start
to get sleepy, don't you, when I look at you, you start to get sleepy, you're going to fall asleep, you're going to fall asleep, with daddy, you're going to fall asleep, that's it, fall asleep, that's it, calm down, calm down, calm down, sleepy boys, Andre the beautiful ferret, his arms are twitching as he's fallen asleep, falling asleep, deep, deep sleep, ever so relaxed, feeling so wonderful, ever so relaxed, feeling so calm, you are the most beautiful boy in the world, yes you are, yes you are, and you put your chin up so I can stroke
your chin underneath because you like me to do that, don't you, you little manipulative hairy beast, you are so wonderful, so beautiful, even if you poo everywhere, you're so great, you're so lovely, even if you wee wee on the stairs, you are lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, yes you are, yes you are, yes you are, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses,
kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses, kisses i want to get off you there you go go make some noise that's a good boy winds me up only when i'm making recordings though i'm not bothered the rest
of the time but just and the thing is i don't like putting him in another room but then i set up a microphone listen to him what are you doing now shush there's people downstairs probably trying to sleep or whatever people do in beds i can't be bothered i can't i can't take responsibility for a ferret's behavior can i that's not fair it's not is it it's not me crawling around in carrier bags and scratching things and to be fair what i'll say to him is that if the neighbor complains i'll bring him in here
and say look the noise you're hearing is activity on the exercise bike and he'll say what i say look look prove it there's the exercise bike now look at my tummy look at my body do you think it was me on the exercise bike or do you think it was a ferret you have no choice but to say fair enough your ferret's naughty but i understand i know it wasn't you and we'll all go away happy until i start thinking about what i just said and realizing that i just called myself fat i used to
be really help well okay don't use the word healthy because we were all healthy we all maybe we all are healthy as well so i want to use the word fit rather than healthy because i don't know what my health level is i can only gauge it by how i feel you know um as far as fit fitness goes i know that my fitness isn't what it was because well i can't chase buses anymore i didn't use that i never used to chase buses or sometimes but if i got when i was younger if i
was across the road and a bus came and i just needed to cross the road to get to the bus but the bus pulled out before i got there i could run to the next bus stop before the bus got there or sometimes i'll be running side by side of it eventually if i missed the next bus stop i'd keep running to the the next one and sometimes i'd actually get to my destination without needing a bus i couldn't do that now i remember i had this girlfriend in my land okay it's not that's not
a euphemism i had my girlfriend in the my land no i took her by the mind no she lived in my land which is a place in london and i really liked her really liked her she's in some ways my favorite girlfriend i'm not going to tell you i'm not going to tell you why but there's lots of reasons she was just among my favorites there was yeah there is that invisible attraction by that what i mean is you never got to see me you know it was how's this supposed to be relaxing i don't
even know what he's doing right now i can't even see where he is now the chair's squeaky now moved it to the squeaky i realized the other chair wasn't squeaky it's just the the spot it's the place on the carpet and it turns whatever's on top of it squeaky serious i reckon if i got the washing machine and put it onto this spot and sat on that it starts squeaking now i wouldn't do it i wouldn't do that although it wouldn't be the first time i'd sat on top of the washing machine so anyway the
oh what was i thinking about that stupid ferret what was i talking about i can't remember i can't remember no oh yeah there was that invisible um connection you know i'd hide and watch her from afar i felt invisible and you were dated and there was that the invisible you know the chemistry i suppose the stuff you can't see and that was what i had with her i don't know if she had that with me or not but i definitely felt it for her it was a bit real chemistry and i haven't felt it for
that many people over the years and i felt it for less i felt it for very few of people have actually dated uh yeah i can't even remember anyone i've dated it's been so long so i owned up she wanted a video from the video shop from i guess blockbusters which was in whitechapel now my land leads to whitechapel it's one road and that's where a few famous places are you've got i think it's one of the oldest hospitals in this country at least whitechapel hospital and it's also uh jack the ripper used to hang
out there as well in that area and i i never met him so i didn't have time i was busy getting to the video shop i wanted to get home you know or did i want to get home and although you know i remember we used to have a i think we had an argument once and i said and i said okay i'll tell you what to make up for the argument you know i'll uh i'll buy us a nice takeaway from the chinese takeaway and you can order any video you want and i'll watch
it of course you could order any videos you wanted anyway because she was her own person but i wasn't going to sit and watch something i didn't want not back then not now never and no i have done i do i have i watched dirty dancing because my girlfriend wanted to watch it so there i have watched a film that i didn't want to watch i watched dirty dancing and this was back in the time when wow what a big film that was wasn't it and it was oh okay what he's doing is i see
it looks like he's he's inside a carrier bag trying to turn it into some kind of a nest so he could sleep in it now i can moan all the time i can moan for hours about this but i'm not going to do it i'm not going to do it i'm not going to but who puts one two three four carrier bags on that bit of uh bubble wrap bubble wrap yeah i'll keep quiet so there's four carrier bags and he loves sleeping in carrier bags and all four of these carrier bags have been bags
he's slept in in the past so they've been stored in this big box i had i'm gonna sit down now now that is a sound i had to learn that sound i had to learn how to how to make those uh oldie man sounds when i sit down i want to get up i want to hear the getting up out of the chair sound actually just did might have heard it when i did it's like that sounds quite familiar i can't believe that i used to make that sound quite often when i was younger i
wasn't getting out of a chair oh okay here we go nice this is me sitting down again i suppose the only difference about when i used to make that sound when i was younger is there was a sound missing the end sound which was has anyone else ever pretended to be asleep after sex i'm just i'm asking that question maybe there's gotta be someone out there it can't just be me yeah so so this is a this is a noisy a noisy episode and andre's now shut up which is good but no good to me
when he spends 20 minutes ravaging this place so i'm wondering i'm wondering anyway yeah oh yeah i went to my land i went to the shop the video shop and i ran from where she lived all the way up i think it's whitechapel road i think that's what it's called to the video shop and i ran all the way back that's the fitness levels i had when i was 25 i was 25 years old my fitness was great and i wasn't particularly fit really i didn't didn't much exercise at that time and hadn't been to
the gym for a while i went back to the gym in 2006 and just to sort of get a bit fitter a bit more muscly and that that did the trick i used to because i was working in insurance not insurance in security and i used to take protein shakes with me to work here's is a funny one it's not funny at the time this one of the students at this student's home that i was working in insurance in the security accused me not to my face but accused me to the my bosses of drinking
alcohol whilst on shift and i said why why what evidence do you have of this because i was taken into a tribunal like i was suspended for about three days and then i think it was like a thursday so or wednesday so suspended for the thursday friday and saturday and i went in on a monday for my tribunal whatever you want to call it and i said where's the evidence i was drinking and he said well there was 16 cans of lager empty underneath the desk where he was seeing i said yeah but it doesn't
where's the proof that i was drinking them and he showed me the camera footage from the cctv i said oh that could have been anyone and he said no it's you and i said that could have been anybody and he said something he shouldn't have said but he said there's only three white people working in the hospital in security out of all the people working there was a lot of other people from different nations and stuff they shouldn't have said that because that's that was back shut up you stupid fairy little boss and i said
that's just prejudiced he said what do you mean i said how dare you call me white i don't identify as white he said what i said that's it i'm taking you to a tribunal and he said no not me don't take me take him him he deserves it i love you i defended you he's the one he's been out for your blood for weeks now he's been going on about wanting to get you sacked for such a long time i said why are you talking like that and who are you pointing at it's only me
and you here he said i don't know anymore i couldn't take my tablets today because i ran out at the weekend and things are starting to go strange please massage my feet massage my feet no i don't want to oh okay then so i massaged his feet and it turns out okay there was no cans underneath the desk no cctv footage i said to the the manager my boss i said to him tell me something he said okay uh well first of all did you know that the prime minister only really came into office in
about 1721 and it wasn't even a a law wasn't passed by law it just seemed to happen gradually because the monarchy had to step back from making decisions so what they did is they almost used the prime minister as a proxy and so that the prime minister would take the blame for the monarchy's decisions and then eventually the the prime minister sort of just took over the role himself or herself of course it was only men at that time but we'll say herself just to be fair because we have had two wonderful female prime ministers
which has just shown all those all those misogynistic men over the years that women are really good at being prime minister they've done a world of good for well anyway um i said no no it's not what i want i don't i want you to tell me a specific thing is it about rhubarb no it's not it's not about rhubarb oh i thought you'd like to know the recipe of my rhubarb crumble you said you liked it i do i did like it it's lovely well okay so you don't want the recipe oh no i'll
have the recipe it's yeah i'd love the recipe herbert i really would but that's not the question that i was wanting to ask you you didn't say you wanted to ask me a question you asked me to tell you something yeah figure of speech um okay do you remember i'll ask you a question okay do you remember in my interview you asked me if i drunk if i drank alcohol yes and you said no and none of us believed you not with that big red nose of yours excuse me well i'm just saying i'll have
you know that i don't drink i used i don't i don't drink i have drunk i do drink i don't drink i do i have in the past but i don't drink now i don't generally drink i have periods really we have periods blimey no um i have times when um i drink you know a few you know sort of 2004 uh the whole summer i was drunk but 2005 and 2006 when i was you know i said no i told you i don't drink and i don't drink yes i can't remember why i'm even
telling you this i don't know is it to do with rhubarb crumble no it's not to do with rhubarb crumble um really nothing nothing is to do with rhubarb crumble what's that you know i was trying to say rhubarb crumble but mumbled you crumbled when you tried to say mumble rumble crumble and you're mumbled yes i mumbled when i was trying to say crumble oh and yeah i said i didn't drink alcohol which i didn't and i generally don't and he said yes i said well so why would if i don't drink alcohol when i'm
not at work why would i drink alcohol when i am at work and he said yes but he said you had a flask you had a flask i said in my flask was a protein shake i'm going to the gym i'm you know trying to put a bit of muscle on and i take i bring a big protein shake with me every night as well as the food that i eat i'm here you know from eight o'clock until eight o'clock in the morning eight in the evening until eight in the morning he said yeah i
know your shifts why are you i said i'm just it's for the listeners so they know you know what kind of what was going on what what listeners don't worry i'm doing a podcast yeah let me bore you to sleep podcast i can't believe i have to keep going through this with the made up people that i'm pretending to speak like no really a podcast what's that i said it doesn't actually exist yet because we're in 1996 and podcasts have never been that the word doesn't exist oh that's nice i said yeah it's lovely and
i said yeah i had a protein shake in that flask but and he said oh i said and i can prove it actually because the the patrol the security patrol i used to come around once a night to make sure i wasn't asleep asked me what was in the flask and didn't believe me so i showed them you know i said let's it's a because they were concerned i might be drinking because some people do drink on site i worked with someone that did and it was lovely and he had all he had all the
reasons in the world to be drinking so good for him and so it was way braver than me doing that job we had this we shared a night shift looking after this huge bit of ground in north london and it was a former let's use the word psychiatric hospital that is not the correct term that it was at the time that's the term they would use now um at the time yeah it was called something else and it was the biggest or the longest hospital in europe or the longest psychiatric hospital in europe and all
the ground that surrounded it all the houses that were built there for residents that maybe didn't live inside the hospital itself probably housing for people that maybe the staff as well i don't know huge bit of ground it's probably been built on i mean it was big enough to have an airport there seriously it's that big they could have built an airport uh gives you an idea of the of the size of the area it would take to walk around it took about an hour not quickly but you know if you walked around it and
i did i used to work there during the day and then i got asked if i'd do a night shift probably one of those where like can you just stay on for another 12 hours that's all just 12 hours yeah sure and i was working with someone that was there as well because i had two people at nights because people did used to go in there uh at night so my friend and i knew him from the because he was one of the guards at the hospital as well but he he wasn't there anymore but
he was on this shift and this place he did other things but i've met him before it was a lovely bloke a former army um and so he told me he was telling me stories about when he was in the army and some of the things that i can't obviously talk about here but he was really nice but he was drinking a lot i mean he must well to me that was a lot he must have got through about eight cans during that time he wasn't driving you know we were just walking around and well
we spent most of the time in the hut just chatting but you know we walked around it was fairly decent weather i think i don't know if it was the summer 97 probably and he was just brave completely completely brave didn't weren't scared mind you he was drunk maybe that's why but that isn't why because i knew i knew his reputation is he was well known for he was on he's well known for backing other people up so i only did there's the the hardest job in well one of the hardest jobs in in in
the security world is hospitals on the ana the accident emergency or the er room if you're in america or whatever term you have wherever you are to be security there on a friday saturday night in a major city and is a problematic place to be it's full of drunk people and you know i remember i went in there i only did one shift okay i think or maybe two and my shift was solely because the previous yeah i'm not sure if it's the supervisor came in to me and said yeah we need you to go
somewhere else tonight for the rest of the night that's what happened yeah and the supervisor came and just sat on my desk and sat there for the rest of the night and i had to go into the accident emergency for the rest of that saturday night and i said well where's where's the person that's normally here he said he's he's he's in the he's still here i said where and he said well he's he's having his arm fixed so he said he's had it on basically had his arm broken and by one of the patients
like brilliant yeah that feels good and i immediately needed to urinate it's like oh brilliant great so just remind me how much are we getting paid an hour here uh what three pound fifty four pound is it okay i'll tell you what let's see how much does that work out four maybe five pound an hour back then i don't know five ten fifteen twenty so i'll tell you what i'll do there's five it's ten hours left i'll give you 50 pound if i can go home how about that i'll pay you 50 pound for me
not to work here he laughed so yeah that was a weird one and i don't think there was really much much occurred it was uh i got to know most of the guards that worked in the hospital because they'd all end up passing through my bit and they'd stop and have a chat and so i knew i knew all of them there was a couple that were twins really andre i'm just going to title this this podcast episode andre is being naughty during this recording yeah that's going to be the title and i can't remember
i wish i had some chocolate i got no chocolate i had my delivery on thursday i ordered no goodies at all just food proper normal nutritious it's probably the most healthiest shop i've done for ages and i really want a chocolate bar but there is no chocolate and also i can't believe i did this i ordered i normally i have these one liter bowls of cravendale milk and semi-skimmed is what i normally get the green ones i didn't have them online i ordered it they didn't have it on there you know it's not available so
i thought well i'll get skimmed then and they had that so i got four or five bottles of that to last me the week it tastes horrible so my cup of coffee and my breakfast in the morning does not taste the same and it's really weird because for years i was drinking skimmed milk and the garage just never seemed to have it so i i ended up getting semi-skimmed and over i guess over time i've got used to it and now i'm thinking of going to the garage and getting some semi-skimmed milk and i don't
know just i i guess what do i do with the the four bottles or whatever of you know skimmed milk i've got i suppose i could just stand there and stare at it stare at the bottles angrily but what good will that do oh right well i got to the end of the recording i didn't even get a chance to tell you about the exercise bike i'll talk about it tomorrow so it came in and it got delivered a couple of days ago my friend helped me to put it together when i say helped me
he sort of did it and i watched but i did the you know i looked at the map or the instructions and together we did it you know i did help a little bit and sometimes i kind of when he was uh doing a screwing i kind of just held it because you know some of the bits on the bike are quite quite big and heavy so it's it's a good bike actually it's a good one doesn't can't get you anywhere but you know it's it's a good exercise bike and i think well what i
noticed is i was riding for about five minutes yesterday and afterwards my back felt a bit better my lower back you know where i have the problems although the problems seem to be rising further up my back just on the left side and it really felt muscular doesn't feel spinal it feels muscular but i know you know referred pain you could have you know pain in your knee but actually it's you know could be your left nipple that's got the problem so it's you know it's a weird feeling the body so but it's a Reebok
not not my left nipple the the bike it's a Reebok and it's not noisy either i was a little bit concerned it was going to be like you know that kind of thing i don't know why i chose that my that noise in my mind but it's not nothing there's hardly any sound at all from it apart from the seat going oh get off me it's apart from the saddle moaning all the way through it it's a little bit off-putting i'll be honest um a little bit rude as well didn't expect that to come with
a saddle with an attitude but there you go i mean i guess it's not the best job in the world is it being a a nice exercise bike saddle mind you being a toothbrush i can't imagine it's a very nice job either toilet paper let's forget about it no no don't forget about you know keep using it i don't mean that but just saying you know wow oh yeah so i'm gonna go and i i remember when all this stuff is going on around at the moment this year the weirdness that's happened this year i
remember when this was uh all kicking off at the beginning of the year i remember thinking to myself this is all going to end up in tears tears anyway remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy do something nice for yourself what's love bye
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.