Read along
Complete transcript
Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Yeah, brilliant, I'm just looking through my emails.
Amazon has a surprise for you. Healthcare providers, what on earth is that? Unsubscribe here. Healthcareproviders.com. What? Go away.
Ding. Bye-bye. Oh, my electric and gas meter is ready.
Oh, brilliant. Great. Okay.
Let's have a look. Let's find out what my electric and gas bill is. Oh, I've never been so excited.
Ooh. Wait a minute, I did sign. Yeah, I signed up for it.
Pretty sure I signed up for the app. Yeah, there it is. So, come on.
Face ID. So, just log me straight in. Healthcare.
So, what, it does that? Hello. Hello. Hello.
Right. You, my last bill. Oh, that's weird.
See your latest balance and pay your bill. My latest balance. Oh.
Please confirm the current balance. £82.60. Uh-huh. £82.63 credit.
I'm confused. Dashboard. Dashboard.
Let's have a look. Check your tariff. We estimated a reading meter 11500.
13th of October. 13th of October, we sent you a bill. View the bill.
Okay. I'm going to view the bill. Come on.
Come on. I'm confused. It says £82.63 credit.
Your bill breakdown. Total electricity charges £28.28. Total gas charges £26.36. Total excluding VAT £54.64. VAT plus 5% on £54.64. £2.73. Leading total £57.37. Balance brought forward on account date in 10th of September 2020. £57.04. Total payments and other transactions £197.04 credit.
I'm very confused. Very, very confused. Why does it say credit? £82.63 credit.
That doesn't make sense to me. Your next bill will be sent. £82.
I don't... No. No messages. Dashboard.
Next meter reading is due in 17 days. Um... I'm very, very confused. Why would that... Why does it put credit? Surely that should be debit, shouldn't it? The reason I'm saying this is because in the past, I have paid money into an electric and gas account.
Sometimes I'd pay £10, £20 here and there. £30, £40. So sometimes I'd be ahead.
So I might have paid, let's say, £100 through the month. The bill comes to maybe £72. So I... OK, let's say £70.
That makes it easier. And it says I've got a credit of £30, which means I don't have to pay anything. But here... I don't get it.
Very, very unusual. It says download a copy of my paper bill, so that's what I'm going to do. I'll get more of an idea of... Mind you, I haven't had a paper bill for a couple of months now.
I don't understand why. Generally, I don't. Because I always used to get a paper bill.
It was a bit more... Well, I found it easy to read. It says that I've downloaded it. Where is it then? Where's it downloaded to? Because it's not on my computer.
Well, it's not on my... phone. Oh. Come on.
Nope. So if it has downloaded, I'll log in again. I'll give it another try.
Let's see if it works this time. View bill. View bill.
Oh. This is a balance of your last bill dated 13th of October, 2020. 13th of October.
But it's gone past that. 8263 credit. Hmm.
Oh really. I might have to phone them up. How strange.
Eon. Logon. Proton.
That's... Oh, it has. It's downloaded it now. Right.
Electricity and gas bill estimated. Let's turn the phone up sideways. No, it's not doing it.
Credit. Some £82.63 credit. Ah.
Which means... There's nothing to pay. So hopefully... Um... So it says here... Wow, that's really weird. OK.
It says here... Because normally when I get a bill it says please pay whatever. It says you don't have to do, you don't need to do anything. We'll write to you if you'll do a refund.
If we've not refunded your credit balance, we'll carry this over to your next bill. We have a number of ways to pay. Please see the next page for more details.
If you're struggling to pay, contact us. No, to pay. Contact us and we can talk about the ways we can help you.
Ah. Um... I'm very confused. I'll have to phone them.
But... It says credit so they can chase me out and say well you haven't paid anything. But it says credit. In fact... It says I'm £197.04 in credit.
£197.04. This was on the 25th of September. Ah. OK.
Right. Wow. Here's why.
Now I know why. On the 6th of October... I got warm home discount payout. Payment.
Of £133.33. Wow. Brilliant. Which means... The... Um... Um... I don't know.
Which basically means... The amount I paid... I... £82.80. And er... £190. Yeah so let's say my bill was... £80 or whatever. This month.
So it's taken that off which leaves me £82.63 credit. So next month... My bill... What's it? November. Will be probably about another... It's usually about £100 a month in the winter.
Which means I'll pay about £20. Next month. And then December... I have the full £100 payout.
Or £120. It varies. It does vary.
But I'm not one to sit in the cold. Let me tell you why. Apart from er... Being a human being.
Wow. You know what? I was a little bit concerned there. Seeing that it's credit.
Because... Seeing it in a format of an actual paper bill. Because that's what it's got on my screen now. It's like a... Almost like a photocopy of a paper bill.
Seeing it in this format I understand it. Because I've always read my bills. Seeing it just in... The way it was before.
I got a little bit confused. OK. So... £57.37 OK.
Anyway. So I've got £82.63 credit. Which is good.
Brilliant. Brilliant. What I tried to do last... Year.
Not last year. Last month I think it was. I tried to... Change my tariff.
Wouldn't it let me? I'll do it now. While I'm on here doing this. What I want to say.
I want to say hello to Ben. Big, big hello and thank you to Ben. Yay! Hi.
So it says here. Your cheapest tariff is... £61.28 a month. Price includes VAT at 5%.
So £735.33 a year. So... OK. The reason for this is because then I'll get a... It'll be a direct debit.
And they'll take the money out. Because at the moment I pay it. When I've got the money to pay it.
So if the bill comes in. Let's say for example. I got paid today.
If the bill came in today. Then sometimes. You know.
On some occasions I could just pay it. And I like to pay the bills off as soon as I can. But on today's occasion.
I've just spent £104 or something on food. Or groceries delivery. Which means I can't afford to pay.
The £57 bill. Of course I don't need to. Because I've got the credit now.
£82 credit. So that's an example. So I wouldn't pay it until.
Next week. Or possibly the week after. But probably next week.
At the first opportunity I would pay it off. Or I might pay £20 off. And pay the other £37 next week.
But being on this fixed tariff. Although it's cheaper. It's £64.50 a month during the winter.
Wow! Although it is. You know. Very cheap in the summer.
Sometimes like £37 or £40. So you know. It goes around.
It would be a fixed direct debit. So that money has to be in the account. And it has to go out.
Regardless of what my financial requirements are. At that time. So the fixed one year.
V4 £7.74 per year. £64.50 a month. Fixed two year.
V10 £798.04 a year. That's a little bit more. £66.50 per month.
That's extra £2 a month. Two years. £66 a month.
Kind of can't argue with that. So let me see. If it allows it.
It's just saying we're switching your tariff. So doing all this on the app. If it switches my talent.
My talent. My tariff. It means.
That the winter. Thanks for choosing. Choosing us.
Jason treat your friend to a £40 e-gift card. You refer your friends to us. And we'll treat you both to a £40 e-gift card to use.
At the likes of Amazon, Argos, Tesco and many more. Anyone want to join Eon? I'll get a 40. I wonder if I can get thousands of people.
Okay, I'm just going to click off that. So. So I'm not bothered about that.
So let me see. My account. To see if it's been updated.
Account summary. Make sure you're on the right tariff. See.
My account. Check your current plan. Okay, here we go.
See if it's updated. Come on. Maybe it's going to send me something in the post to sign.
Oh no. Wow. I'm on it.
Look. 24 month tariff. Ends 13th of the 10th 2020.
So that's both the electric and the gas. It says here. Oh, they might change the price.
That's not good. We usually change our standard energy prices a few times a year. This will only affect you if you're on one of our variable tariffs.
Or pay your energy in certain ways. Every six months the maximum price the energy suppliers can change. Can charge.
If you pay by prepayment or SmartPay as you go. Other ways to pay. If you're on one of our standard variable tariffs.
Huh. What? I mean, isn't that the whole point is. Is.
I've just signed up for. I've signed it up live. You were here with me when this happened.
I've got proof. A standard variable price tariff available if you pay a debit or when you get the bill. OK.
So. Accountant help. Manage your direct debit.
So let's see if I've got a direct debit set up. It might. It might already been there.
Now I do have my information. So let's see. Fixed direct debit.
Discounts stand in charge. Easier budgeting. Variable.
Pay your bill in full by direct debit. Fixed direct debit. Next.
Direct debit amount £61. I hope this doesn't mean that they're going to take money out. If I've got credit, then they won't take anything, will they? Bank account.
Are you on? Are you the account? Right. Let me go and get my bank details. I'll read them all out to you so we can help do this together.
Right. Let's have a look. Oh.
Right. Let's set the direct debit up. But you know.
Whatever you do, don't tell anyone the number that I'm putting in. So account holder's name. The thing is I can tell you this because you know it already, don't you? Peter Piper.
OK. That's it. Now sort code.
03 Oh. 03 29 71 OK. That's good.
I always like to double check. It's quite weird. I actually know my account number off by heart now.
You could say, yeah, but you've had the account since 2006. Yeah. What's your problem? Why can't you just be nice? You know, why have you got to just always be snidey? So account number 72127313.
It's not a hard one to remember, is it? So there you go. Are you sure? Are you the accountant? Yes. Am I the account holder? Is your bank account address the same as the energy supply address? Of course it is.
You think I'm going to pay for my, some random stranger's electricity bill? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, let's phone up some random number. Hi.
You don't know me, but I suppose you mind if I pay your bill, your electricity and gas bill, do you? No, that's all right. I just need to recount your details for your address. I don't know why I'm paying it, but it says it's a bank account address the same as the energy supply address.
And supply, because obviously the energy is going to you, not me. Even though I'm paying. Yeah.
What do you mean, who am I? What do you mean, stop calling here? I've never called before. Oh, you recognise my voice, OK. Bye.
It's not the first time that's happened. Day of the month. Day of the month.
I prefer it to be the first. Generally would. So I'm looking for the first of the month.
The reason for that is because... I don't know. All my stuff goes out on the first of the month. Not all of it, but a lot of stuff goes out.
Just makes it a little bit easier. Confirm bank details. Account holder's name.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Debit guarantee.
Continue. So this should be it. My phone's getting really warm.
Thank you. We've set up your direct debit payment. We'll start to collect your payment just as you have requested.
We'll also confirm this change to your direct debit payment in writing. If you've let us know it's okay, we'll send you an email to confirm. Otherwise, we'll send you a letter in the post.
Well, they do send me emails anyway, so that's fine. Back to your account. So... Yeah.
So if I go back to my... If I go back to my account... I'm going to go back to my bill. Credit balance £82.63. View your previous bills. Oh, okay.
Let's have a look at the last bill. My last bill was £57.04. 10th of the 9th. The one before that, 2nd of the 8th.
Blimey, a bit random times. So August, the August bill was... Just waiting for it to come up. Oh, it's only showing... So yeah, £39.49. So in the summer it's a lot less, but it's going to be more now.
It's going to be, what, £66 a month. But... Wait a minute, have I saved myself any money? I'm not sure. Erm... Oh.
Dear. I'm just thinking though, now that I've got that credit... Will it count if I've got that? Yeah, it's got to, isn't it? I'll phone them up. If there's a problem next month, I'll phone them up.
It says, next meter reading is due in 17 days. Give us your meter reading. Electricity.
Nah, let them come and get it. Oh, I've got to give them my... What if I've got to do the job for them? No. No.
They're like, no. I'll go into the post office and collect in my mail. No.
Stick it through the letterbox. It's due. A few months ago.
Don't know who it was, if it was the regular post person. Deliverer. But they were just putting my letters on the floor.
On the floor. Now, I've got a letterbox. The letterbox isn't low down.
I can understand that's annoying. And it's not good for people's backs to be bending down continuously all day. So the letterbox is kind of waist height.
It's not high up either, so you don't need a ladder. If it's a short post person. And there's no... Okay, it's a little bit stiff.
You know, it's quite a new letterbox. Because there's a new front door. I had it... I think a year old in November.
And... So it's not like the other letterbox I had, which was basically just open it up. There's a big massive hole in the door. You could... You could fit a baby rhinoceros through it, seriously.
But it was an old fashioned door. Which was good, in a sense of... Parcels, more parcels could be pushed through. And there wasn't much in the way of chaos.
And noise when it was being... When the activity was being processed. But... Now the letterbox, it's... It's got an inward flap. An outward flap.
And bristles and stuff inside. So... It kind of got to push their hand through a bit. But I don't have a dog.
Andre... Cannot reach the letterbox. Because if he could, he'd be out of there. In fact, he did try and get through the letterbox.
The old one. Constantly trying to get through there. Trying to get to it, rather.
But, you know, because I used to have a drape. What it was actually was a throw. But, you know, and it was... Kind of, I was using it more like a curtain.
In front of the door. Because my old door had a window. Which means people could just look through.
And if they knocked on the door. I couldn't walk up... I couldn't walk up to the front door. See them and then just decide not to answer.
Because they could see me. Now, I've got a peephole. And I can look through.
And if I don't want to answer the door. I don't answer the door. Which is cool.
But now, I kind of... Hopefully no one's going to knock, really. But if it's important. I don't know, like a delivery or something.
Then, you know, I'll have a look through first. Unless I know for definite. I mean, you know.
If it's a... I had a delivery this morning. And it was early, 8 o'clock. And it's supermarket grocery delivery.
And I can't believe I spent over £100. I don't have anything. Substantial there.
I mean, admittedly, I don't have to leave... My home for a week. There's not one thing I need to get from the shops. Everything's there.
So, from that angle, yeah, it's good. But I spent... Over £20 just on Cokes. Coca-Cola.
But there's more than... There's 2 boxes of 24. So, it's 48 cans. I drink about 4 cans a day.
Although I'm... Well, I'm nothing yet. I drink 4 cans a day. Sometimes a little bit more at weekends.
I want a pizza now. Did I buy a pizza? I'm sure I bought... Like a pizza slice. Like a little... A box of little pizzas.
That would be quite nice. But I can't remember. So, I don't have much.
And I've got... Stuff for sandwiches. I've got... Tea cakes. And I've got milk.
In fact, I bought 4 or 5 bottles of milk. That will last me the week. They're Cravendale.
They're brilliant. I make no money from telling you this, by the way. I have no shares in the company.
No options. I... I use it because the milk tastes better than normal milk. It tastes fresher.
And it lasts longer. Provided you don't open the thing. You know, it's sealed.
It says Cravendale. It's really nice. So, I don't drink milk as in drinking it in a glass.
The only milk I have is what's on the breakfast cereal. Or in my coffee. And I generally have one cup of coffee... In the morning.
And I have my breakfast cereal. But sometimes I have more than one... Bowl of breakfast cereal a day. Just to treat myself.
You know. So... I do. It's true.
But that's okay. And then... I did treat myself to quite a few bits of chocolate. Now, I haven't had much chocolate for a while.
So, I bought a few packs. You know, like... Six packs of... Crunchy. Or four packs of crunchy.
Or other ones. Flakes and stuff. So... They're all in the fridge.
And there's enough there to last me for the week. And that's the difference. Because it can look like... Oh, look at this.
Unhealthy stuff. I mean, first of all... What are you doing in my kitchen? Secondly, stop looking around. And thirdly... It's got nothing to do with you.
What's it got to do with you? Fourthly, I don't eat it constantly. I'm not just sitting there eating chocolate all day. Usually.
It's spreading out. I'm not a binge. I don't binge.
I eat... You know, I get stuff... That lasts me for the whole week. I'm not sitting here drinking... Glass after glass of milk. Because I've got five bottles.
I'm not drinking it all. No. That will last me the week.
Just as will the cokes. I'm not drinking... 10, 15 cokes a day. Because I've got... 48 cans.
No. I'm not drinking exactly the same amount as I would normally. The same as with the food.
Or the tea cakes. I have... Two tea cakes. There's four in a pack.
I have two. I've never had more than two. So... And that's not really... Well, it might be a discipline thing, but... That's enough.
That's all I need. I don't need more than two tea cakes. I mean, sometimes I can't.
I don't even eat all two of them. The annoying thing is when I... Make the tea cakes. And toasted them.
Bring them into the living room to... Eat them while I'm watching something on telly. And suddenly I need to do a poo. That is annoying.
It's just annoying. It's like... On two levels. First of all, I don't like eating food just after I've been to the toilet.
Because while I'm eating the food, I'm thinking... Oh... I wish I'd washed my hands. You know, that kind of stuff. But, like... By the time I've finished... And I'm not... I'm not... I'm not a particularly slow toileter.
You know? I don't sit there for hours. I used to when I was younger. I mean, I went through a period when I used to... Read.
On the toilet. Maybe a newspaper. Magazine.
Book. The Bible. You know, all kinds of things.
And I would... My legs would sort of go numb and stuff. Yeah. So I kind of stopped doing that.
And one time someone said, Oh, if you do that, you get piles if you sit on a toilet for too long. I'm like, really? But... Since, really... I've not had access to my own toilet. For most of my adult life.
It's been sharing toilets. Meant that I can't really... I've not had the ability to be able to indulge... In just sitting around on the toilet. Reading.
And eating. You know, normal stuff that people do. Sitting there eating a birthday cake.
Making a phone call. Talk to someone. Zooming or whatever.
Skyping. So I... I used to do it when I was a kid. But I think that was partly because I lived in a house... Full of people.
And sometimes going to the toilet was a nice break. It was a nice... Nice rest. And we had three toilets in our house.
One was in the bathroom. One was next to the bathroom upstairs. And one was downstairs.
And at one time we had a toilet... Outside. And there was also one at the bottom of the garden. In my dad's workshop.
But the one outside got turned... The kitchen got extended into it. Which is... I don't know, it's really, really nice. But at the same time really gross.
Just for the angle of... That space was where... My dad created seating in the kitchen. So we could sit in the kitchen and eat. And I tried to sit in a place where the toilet wasn't... I knew where the toilet used to be.
So I used to try and sit the other side. So that way... I wasn't sitting where the... Where people used to sit. For... The previous 150 years or whatever.
Of the house's existence. And... Plus I didn't like it. Because it was all... All a bit too close.
A little bit too kind of... Yeah, I preferred it with a table. You could spread out a little bit more. Although there was a lot of us.
I mean, four kids and two adults. And at one point a dog. And quite often my step-mum's mother was there as well.
And... Sometimes my nan and grandad were there. Or my nan or my... So there's always... Quite often people there. During the years.
And... Which I liked actually, I liked it. I preferred it when there was people there. I preferred it when grandparents were there.
Or uncles, aunts, whatever. Because... It was just nicer. It was better.
It was... Yeah. It was just better. There was no attention on me.
There was no attention on my schoolwork. Or, you know, lack of. And... I'd say there's probably less arguments between us kids.
Because... Or at least it wasn't noticed. Because, you know, when adults get together... You know, like my dad and his brothers and sisters. Or his wife and her brothers and sisters and brothers or whatever.
They're kind of talking amongst themselves. Hello Andre. Andre's appeared.
He's been asleep for hours and hours and hours. He's been in the same little spot in the bedroom. Just near the shed.
He's got this little place he likes to sleep. And... And he's been there for... I would say... Probably... I would say probably about... I'd say at least the last nine hours. Seriously.
Because it's now twenty five past nine in the evening. And he's been there. He does get up and do what he needs to do.
But as far as I'm aware he's been there since at least twelve o'clock. So he's spent the last nine hours pretty much asleep. And now he's awake.
He's going to cause havoc. I know he is because he's wide awake now. He is.
Hello Andre. Want to come and say hello? To all your fans. All your fannies.
Your fan fans. Do you want to say hello? Do you? Hello. Come on then.
Come and say hello. To all your fannies. Yes.
See having that £62. Was it £62 or was it £66? I hope it wasn't £66. Was it £66? Or £64? A month.
Whatever it is. Having that during the winter is really going to be useful. And having that in the summer is going to make very little difference.
Because still it's only like £20 odd more than I would pay in the summer. But in the winter I get bills like well over £100. Usually.
Yeah. I think £149 I think is probably the highest bill I've had. And that's probably I guess probably January.
The January bill. Let me have a look see if I'm making it up. Log in again.
Let's have a look how far back the bills are. That I can actually have a look. Come on.
So. Bill. Your billed quarterly.
Oh. Okay. Didn't realise that.
Oh. Don't like that. Not a big fan of that.
If I'm honest. Don't like quarterly billing. Because it means I've got to start working out how much I need to have in my account.
I do things monthly. Damn. Didn't tell me that when they were doing it.
I'm used to paying monthly. They say it's going to cost you monthly. Well charge me monthly then.
Oh. Damn. It says here.
Your next direct debit payment. 2nd of November. £55.
Well I'm in credit by 80 something. So I should be. Let me have a look.
View last bill. See if I can get some previous bills. Down.
Download a copy. Break bill. Break.
Dashboard. I want to see if I can see. Your next bill.
Your current tariff will end. 13th October 2020. Your next bill will be sent.
Oh. That's weird. So it says direct debit.
It's £55. Because. I'm only £10 in.
I'm only 15 days in. So instead of 65. Or 66.
It's going to be 55. Ah. View your last bill.
OK. Maybe that will be the one. View your last bill.
Download copy of your paper bill. So let's see if it allows me to do. Previous one.
Done. Oh. I'm quite bothered.
It seems to have locked. Not locked me out. But that option I had before.
Seems to have disappeared. For some reason. I don't know why.
For some reason. I'm not sure. Oh.
So yeah. That will make the winter. Slightly easier.
But then it's saying I'm getting paid. Quarterly. So does that mean I pay it now.
December. And then. December.
January. February. March.
April. May. June.
July. August. Which will be 60.
120. Let's say £200. Well not that is it.
But still a fair amount of money. I'm going to have to have in my account. Never been so angry.
I don't know what to do. Should have left it as it was. But then I was paying more than I needed to.
So it makes sense to sort of. Not just be on the highest tariff. Although I'm not sure if I was on the highest tariff.
But I was on the. Basic pay as you go tariff. So get a billed monthly.
And I'll pay as I want. Without paying direct debit. Now I'm paying direct debit.
But getting a better deal. For the next two years. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh well. That'll be alright.
Yeah it will be. What do you mean? That'll be okay. That'll be.
£60, £60 or £65 or £6 or whatever. For a bill in the winter. That's good.
But I'm just wondering about that £82 credit. Unless they're charging me ahead of time. They're charging me.
For November then. December, January, February. Will be my next bill.
But for the three months ahead. I'm not pleased with that. No.
I want to pay three months ahead. That defeats the object. Oh.
Or. Ah. No I don't think they could do that.
Charge three months ahead. The whole idea is a bill. It's three months after you've used it.
Then the bill comes. But I really thought it was going to be monthly. I might call them and see if they can do it monthly.
But to be charging quarterly causes problems. A little bit of problems. Because I can make sure that there's £66 in there on a first of a month.
But then every three months I've got to make sure there's £100. Well nearly £200. That's a different number.
Isn't it? That's a different number altogether. I mean come on. Why? So yeah.
I'll just. I'll just have to. I'll just have to play the game.
And hopefully. In the process. Gain.
Something. From it. Yeah.
Yeah I hope so. I don't know. I don't know man.
I don't know. A dinny? No. Not really sure.
Hello Andre. Do you want to have cuddles? I think he does you know. Let me just see if I can pick him up.
He did let me pick him up. Hello baby. You alright? Yeah.
I cleaned the floor. I cleaned the carpet. I think it was.
Was it Monday? Yeah I think it was Monday. Might have been Sunday but I think it was Monday. Hello.
And. He hasn't gone to the toilet on the paper. Once.
Which makes you wonder why I'm not chucking him out of the window. Eh? It's ridiculous. So basically I've cleaned the carpet.
I put paper over the carpet. In that area. And he doesn't want to go anywhere near that part of the carpet.
Even though there's paper on it. Ha ha. Which is causing me even more.
Hassle. I looked after my friend's dog today. Just for a couple of hours.
And I noticed. He's a white dog and I noticed that. He had something like black on him crawling around.
So I looked. And it was. To me it looked like a flea.
And. So I thought. Oh great.
I really want that brought into my house. After. Last year with Andre I really had a problem with fleas.
It's only happened once in the whole five years of having him. But. Once he got it.
He really got it. God bless you. They don't mess around with him.
They really you know. He was completely plastered. That's why I know he hasn't got them.
Because I check him every single week. Not just every week. Every day I check him in.
Bless you. I check him every day. Erm.
Not really for that. Just because I'm sort of cuddling and stroking him. But I brush him through.
With the flea comb. Every week. Just to make sure there's not one single thing in there.
There's never going to be one. If there's one there's going to be loads. Because.
I don't know exactly where they are or where they live. On him. And I had to fumigate this whole flat.
Because. They were everywhere. Well.
My friend's dog. Had one. I didn't know if they were lice, fleas whatever they are.
Anyway. Erm. I was trying to search.
Through his. Because although he's white. Fur or white erm.
Coating. Underneath it's black. Or really kind of grey.
So I was searching. And he just kept laying down. Wouldn't let me search him.
So annoying. I tell you. And he's a big dog so I was trying to pick him up.
So I could just search his coat. To see if there's any others. And he just laid down.
He won't have a none of it. He's probably the most. Erm.
Uncooperative dog you could ever meet. So. I took him into the bathroom.
And I got the. The. Flea comb.
And I went through his. His fur. Did it gently.
In the end he stood up. While I did that in the bathroom. And.
I found. About 15. Of these little creatures.
Erm. I flushed them down the. In the sink.
And. And I saved two of them. They're.
They'd already been in the sink for a while. But I saved two. And put them on a piece of toilet paper.
And just. Just as evidence you know. And I told my friend.
And I don't think he believed me. He said they're not fleas. Because he'd fleed.
De-fleed them or something. The other day. So it's impossible that they could be fleas.
So I don't know if lice. I don't know much about that stuff. But.
Bless you Andre. Really? Why are you sneezing so much? You've never sneezed this much in your whole life. Have you? No you haven't.
So I'm going to have to keep an eye on Andre. To make sure that the. The fleas or whatever they were.
Haven't spread to him. Because otherwise. I'm going to have to.
Do the same process as I did last time. Which is put in these. Hey.
Aren't you beautiful? Aren't you so beautiful? Yes you are. I remember when he had fleas before. Couldn't believe it.
Because he'd never had them before. This is last year. And I was like wow.
You are joking me. There was loads of them. I put him in the bath.
And there was just honestly. So many. It was probably a good 20, 30 just in the bath.
Synchronised swimming fleas. It was lovely. And.
So I'm going to have to keep an eye on him. So I can't have that. I mean I thought.
Did the dog get it from up here? Did the dog catch him? But there's no way. So you know within half an hour. 45 minutes.
A dog could suddenly have. Loads of those things crawling all over him. You know what I mean? How is that even possible? And if they are living in the carpet.
Well. Why hasn't Andre got them on him? Because he's running around this carpet all the time. Why have I not seen any? Why am I not being bitten? Because they do.
Fleas do have a tendency of making themselves known. Don't they? Bless them. What's that on your nose? Oh.
Is it just me? Or have you got the cutest nose on the planet? You've got the cutest little nose. You really have. You're so cute.
You're so pretty. You're a little girl. I'm going to call you Andrea.
Shall I call you Andrea? Andrea. Andrea. Hi.
Andrea. Andrea. Andrea.
Andrea. I think he might be waiting for some food. That's why he's putting up with me.
He's patiently just laying in my arms. Looking at me. Because I think he's after something.
He's waiting and expecting for a result of his patience. You being a good boy. Shall we have dinner? Yeah? Shall we have dinner? Oh, he's got a thing he does now.
When he wants me to change his water. He'll just stand at his water and just stare at me. So he's got this big bowl of water.
This blue thing. And he just stands at it and stares at me. Until I change it.
Okay, you're going to get off. Give Daddy kisses. Now you get down.
So that's it from me. That's it. Thank you for listening.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love.
Bye.
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.