#31 Alice needs a poo - Jason’s Bed Time Story Time (4th January 2025)

Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Jason Newland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Then he will, he refuses to be in a different room when I'm making a recording. So this is going to be Jason's bedtime story time. I haven't done one of these for a little while.

But, oh wait a second. I'm trying to get the information for one. Oh, baby.

I sent myself to sleep. However, I'm trying to find a book to read. Well, not to read, but, well, to read, but, you know, not so much someone else's, but, well, I'm going to read it, but I'm going to do it my own kind of version, if that makes sense.

And, oh, someone's asked me to do another boring bedtime story time. It's either Christine or Darby. For some reason, I can't seem to find it.

Because there was a message, you see, and I can't find the message. So I'm going to do a story about Alice, who visited a very strange land. But unfortunately, I can't seem to get the book.

Where's the book, man? So I've got my Kindle open, and my Kindle is just not doing anything. So let's see if it will work on my tablet. Blimey.

So let's have a look. Kindle. So I've got Kindle on the tablet as well.

I realize I don't normally spend this much time talking about getting it all ready and set up. But, well, clearly I do now. This is my new way of doing it.

Oh, if you want to visit my website, Jason Newland.com, all of my recordings are on there. So I've got lots of different podcasts, thousands of recordings, literally thousands, thousands of different recordings, plus a lot of them, there's like three, four, six versions of the recording. So at the moment, I do six versions of each new recording, one without music, five and 10 hours without music, one with music, and then five and 10 hours with music, which gives you lots of choice.

And I've also been breaking up the recordings into sections and into playlists. So you can find old stuff, you can find, you know, it just makes it a little bit easier. It's the website is basically a podcast with my latest recordings on there.

But if you go into the index or the menu, and you open up and go to playlists or podcasts, it opens up is a lot more there than you'd initially think. Right, so let me have a look. Alice.

Alice in Wonderland. How very strange. How very curious.

Okay. So this is Alice, what? Audible sample? No, I don't want the audible sample. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want.

They want me to pay for it. I don't wanna pay for it. Can't I just download it.

It's out of print. Well, it's not out of print but it's out of copyright. Which surely would mean I'd be able to watch it.

Watch it? Read it. Nope, it's not allowing that. So if I filter it.

Let's have a look. Prime reading. See if it allows me to have it in prime medium.

Alice in Wonderland, prime medium. Still. See all details.

Download sample. No, I don't want to download a sample. Okay, let's have a look.

What's the other one? Oh, something's happened on the Kindle. Alice in Wonderland. Let's have a look at this.

Buy for 75 pence. No, I don't even, I can't afford that. Man, Alice Adventures of Wonderland.

Buy for £14.99. Why would someone spend £14.99 when you can get it for 75 pence? It's not going to be a different story, is it? Or it might be. I mean, yeah, I guess it might be. But I want a free one.

Free. Now it's 77 pence. It's gone up.

It was 75 pence a minute ago. Oh, it's 75 pence. It's a different one.

Blimey. Oh, just. Right.

I've got an idea. Let's just check on Kindle Unlimited. Kindle Unlimited.

Download sample. Kindle Unlimited. I don't.

I mean, I don't need to download it anyway, because I know how to read it. I don't. I know the story.

Why? Why is it doing that? There's going to be versions online. I mean, you could argue, well, why don't you just spend 75 pence? There's a reason for that. I don't know what the reason is.

But there might be a reason. Which makes you think now, let's have a look. Kindle, Kindle, Kindle Unlimited.

No, Kindle Unlimited. Unlimited reading. You currently do not have Kindle Unlimited.

Okay, that's why it's not coming up. Zero three months deal. 99 pence for three months renews at 949 Jordan hour promotional price.

Okay. 99 pence a month. Can't really argue with that.

Welcome to Kindle Unlimited. So, if I go here, and I go for Kindle Unlimited, Goodreads dictionary results from Audible store, results from Goodreads, results from Kindle store. So maybe updating my Kindle store experience, Alice in Wonderland.

Buy for 75 pence. I want to be able to read it. Without paying for I've just paid 99 pence.

Right, let's have a look. Kindle Unlimited, Alice. Alice in Wonderland.

In Wonderland. Alice in Wonderland, Kindle edition, zero price. I mean, come on, man.

Absolutely ridiculous. So add to library Kindle edition, add to library. So let me see if it's gonna have updated my, my Kindle, which needs 40%.

You know, I'll tell you what's weird about Kindles. 40% power or battery left. After about six months, or three months or four months, or Yeah, probably six months, which either shows how amazing the battery life is on a Kindle.

Or how rarely I actually use it. Maybe a bit of both. But I will, I will be using it more.

It's just the reason I turned it off. Excuse myself, drink water. It's because basically, I lost the charger.

So I bought another one. I've lost that as well. It's somewhere.

So here we go. So I'm using Kindle Unlimited, Alice in Wonderland. It's queued.

So it's downloading now. 4070 pence cents. Right, let's open it up.

Now, is that original book, or auto generate on good, good reads? Okay. Welcome back. This about this book shows you additional information.

Really need additional information. So it just talks about the book, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, Alison, okay.

So there's introductions to introductions. So it's by Lewis Carroll, but I'm not going to read the exact book. I'm just gonna play around a bit.

Preface to the 79,000 79,000 was that mean? So this is Christmas 1886. As Alice is about to appear on the stage, and as the lines beginning, it is the voice of the lobster were found to be too fragmentary for dramatic purposes. Four lines have been added to the first stanza, and six to the second while the oyster has been developed into a panther.

I've got no idea. Okay. And so got preface.

Okay, right. So here we go. Alice was getting very bored with her sister.

Because she just had nothing to do. The sister was reading to looking into a book looking over, down, not down the top down that looking at the, you know, over her shoulder. They had no pictures.

And Alice liked the pictures. So a bit of a philistine. She, she didn't like to have to didn't like concentrating.

And she thought, without pictures, how can it be a conversation about pictures? And why is it surely should that be pop up books, pop ups that like pop ups, she said to herself. So she was considering in her own mind as well as she could. Whether making a chasey Dane would be worth the trouble of getting up, going and picking the daisies.

And she was thinking, Oh, perhaps I could have some chocolate or doughnut. And she wondered, I wonder if I need a poo. And suddenly, which weird because just to talk about poo.

And she remembered that we should run out of toilet paper. And the toilet was a long way away. So she might have to go in the bushes.

But what she wipe her bum with suddenly a white rabbit. ran past. So she thought, okay, I need a poo.

I have to go into the bushes. I need something to wipe it on. And she saw the rabbit and she heard this rabbit saying, Oh dear, oh dear, I shall be late.

I shall be too late. Me, me, me, me. So she thought, I'm going to go and get that rabbit.

So, you know, we just, she started running after the rabbit and the rabbit run down a hole and she thought, Oh, what was a hole was a tunnel, but she looked like a hole. But she didn't know it was a tunnel. But technically rabbits have tunnels, don't they? But it starts with a hole and leads to a tunnel.

You can't have a tunnel without a hole. You can have a hole without a tunnel though. But it was a tunnel.

Yeah, that's what Alice thought to herself. Not me, it was her. And she thought, well, she's a hole.

I'll kind of just reach in and grab what she what she thought is like, should I do a poo now? Or should I reach in and grab the rabbit first? But then it's going to be hard to kind of balance and you know, it just wasn't sure. And so she thought, I'll just reach in now. Now, it was deceiving.

The hole was a lot bigger. A lot bigger than she thought. And she fell headfirst.

And she kept falling and falling and falling. And even though she was falling for ages and ages, she seemed to be falling slowly. She thought to herself, she did a lot of thinking to herself, did Alice.

And she thought, Oh, what's happening? What's going on? I don't know. Where's the rabbit? I still need a poo. And she kept falling and falling.

And she just realized that she'd landed on a bed, a big bed with sheets. And she thought, big pillow cases, big pillows. And she thought, well, this is weird.

It's a bit strange. Wasn't expecting this. Rabbits really do live in luxury.

What am I going to do now, though, because the rabbit's gone. Then she thought, she looked at the pillows and thought, well, I could use them. I could, wipe myself on the pillows.

And she looked around and there was pictures and bookcases. And there was, there was one shelf, like it had a jars on and she took one of the jars down and said, orange marmalade. But she was very upset because it was actually empty.

And she acted surprised, even though she didn't, couldn't see what the label said until she got it down off the shelf. So she could see it was empty before she saw the label orange marmalade. So why she was making such a big deal about it? I'll never know.

Constantly, honestly, it's like just hard work, very demanding, just making a fuss about nowt. Anyway, so she, she didn't, she was very disappointed. She didn't want to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody underneath, which is a little bit weird considering.

Well, firstly, just because the jar doesn't contain what you want it to contain, there's no need to just let it drop on the floor, is there? That's just rude, especially if it's someone else's house. And secondly, did she think invisible people were underneath her? Because how would she think, like, who's it going to land on? You literally can see the ground. It's not like she was hovering.

Oh, wait a minute, she was hovering. Oh, and she thought, oh, I'm hovering. And she said to herself, I can't believe I've fallen so far.

And it's very strange. Ooh, ooh, she said. Oh, and then she fell again, down, down, down.

And she's like, I'll keep falling. How do I keep falling? And she realized she'd fallen into the jar, the jar of marmalade where there was no marmalade. And she was falling and falling and falling.

And she thought, I wonder if I just stick my finger out, or stick my tongue out, maybe I can taste some of the lemonade. And then she remembered it wasn't lemonade, it was marmalade. And she laughed.

She like, oh, I can't believe I just said lemonade when it's marmalade. Two different things. And besides, if it was a lemonade, I mean, I could be in trouble if there's some at the bottom that I couldn't see.

Because clearly, it's a much, much bigger jar than I'd originally thought. And now I'm a bit thirsty. That will be a soft landing, I suppose.

So she kept thinking, oh, I wonder if I should fall right through the earth. How funny it will be to just like, suddenly pop up in a garden and someone's maybe sunbathing or mud wrestling, or something like that, which it will be. I don't think existed back then.

But maybe Alice, she thought, I've just, I've just invented a new type of sport. Women in bikinis mud wrestling on a kind of bouncy castle. And then she said, tut, tut, tut, here I go again, with my wondrous mind of imagination.

And she's then she started thinking, oh, I'm still falling. I forgot about that. And then she remembered the pillows, like, oh, I should have brought a pillow with me.

Because I needed I need something to wipe myself. But then, then she thought, well, how would the pillow fit in the jar? And then it was like, oh, but I'm in the jar. And I'm bigger than the pillow.

This is very confusing. This is so confusing. So she just continued falling, because she kind of didn't have any choice, to be honest.

And she was wondering, maybe I'll end up in New Zealand or Australia. Although I really shouldn't connect the two because they're very far away. As everyone says, don't connect Australia and New Zealand together.

There's a long way away from each other. Yeah. But when you live in England, Australia, New Zealand are not that they're quite close to each other, because of the other side of the world.

That's why we connect them to, you know, New Zealand. And it's not like we're not being horrible. You know, because she had an Australian friend that used to say, remember, it's a different place, a different country.

We know it's a different country. But, you know, relatively, it's quite close compared to where we are in England. You get me in it.

You know, I'm saying, swear down in it. And so she's wondering, that'd be weird. Imagine if she popped out of a kangaroo's bum bag, or whatever it is in their tummy.

And I'd be like, Oh, the kangaroo might think that I'm his new baby. Mind you, that'd be like being on one of those space hoppers. We bounce around on a space hopper, but one that I can control myself that's living.

And she remembered the space hoppers hadn't been invented either. And she's like, wow, I'm doing really good with my creativity. And I wish I had my little invention book.

The one time I needed it. And she's thinking maybe I do have it. Did I bring it with me? I can't remember.

And just as she was trying to figure out when she last had her little creative invention book that she liked to, you know, write things down in, she suddenly arrived. And she landed in this place like, she didn't know what it was. And she sees this furry thing move towards her.

But it wasn't actually moving towards her, she was more moving towards it. It was like a big furry trampoline with claws. And she thought, well, this is strange.

I hope I don't bounce back. Mind you, I don't know, because she remembered sometimes she'd jump off by quite a height, land on a trampoline, but the trampoline, although it would bounce her back, it wouldn't bounce her back as high as she'd fallen. So bouncing on it would necessarily, this black furry clawed trampoline might not bounce all the way back to where she'd actually fallen from.

Then she wasn't even sure she was falling because it seemed like she was going upwards, which was a bit strange. And suddenly she landed, but it was really softly, like a little, I don't know, like a penguin falling down in slow motion on some snow. It looks gentle and soft.

It might hurt the penguin, but it's still, it looks gentle. And that's how she kind of felt. It's like, oh, that didn't hurt.

And funnily enough, I think it's pushed the poo up further. So I don't think I don't need a poo now. That was handy.

And his voice said, what are you talking about a poo for? What are you talking about? And made her jump. She went, ooh, you made me jump. He said, so why are you telling me that? She said, what are you? Who are you? What do you want? I think I'm the one that should be asking questions.

Did you notice she was stuttered then? You don't have to point out every single thing that happens around you, you know, it's a bit annoying, little boy. I'm not a little boy. I'm a girl.

It makes no difference to me. I'm a different species. That doesn't really make sense.

It does. I'm a cat. No, I mean, I understand you're a cat.

I can see that now. But what's that got to do with me being a little boy or a little girl? I don't know. And I don't care.

Now, can you please get off of my head? Sorry. Oh, okay. If you've got a ladder.

Why would you need a ladder? Because you're about 35 times bigger than me. And in order for me to get off, I'm going to struggle. You know, because I'm not very tall, obviously, here, for some reason.

I've never known a cat so big. I've never known a cat. I can't believe it.

There was a cat where I lived before I moved to where I am now. Not here, but you know, in my home. And when I was about five, we had a cat.

It was ginger, though. It wasn't very big. You know, you don't have to say everything you think.

You know, it's just, you don't have to do that. Alice, how do you know my name? How do I know your name? Yes, how do you know my name? I don't know. Well, someone must know.

I don't, and I'm starting to think that maybe I should put a more deeper voice on, because we're both starting to sound the same. I was thinking that as well. Maybe I should do a higher pitch one, like this.

What do you think? Well, maybe, but it's a bit annoying. Not as annoying as you are. No, I think you'll find this much more annoying than I am.

Well, what should I do then? Well, just keep like that, and I will talk in this way, so that everyone listening knows I'm the big black cat, and you're just the little boy. I've already told you, I'm not a little boy. It makes no difference to me.

And with that, the cat, the big black cat, or you know, the originally, the big hairy clawed trampoline, flipped her off of his tail, and Alice landed in a bowl of soup. And she thought, this is weird. I've just landed in a big bowl of soup.

And the cat said, here we go again, speaking out loud. Can't you just accept that you've fallen into a big bowl of soup, and just drink it or get out? What do you mean, drink it or get out? I can't get out, it's too big. Well, you're going to have to drink it then, aren't you? Come on, mate.

How am I supposed to drink that much? It's as big, it's like, what, five times bigger than me? How? It's not possible. Can you please help me get out? He said, no, I can't. Give me a hand, please.

I don't know if you noticed, but I don't actually have hands. I have claws, because I'm a cat. All right, pussy.

What did you call me? I said you're a pussy. You need to have a word of yourself, young man. I'm not, what do you mean? You are a pussy, you're a pussycat.

Ah, I get you. No, we don't use words like that here. But where is here? What do you mean, where is here? Here is here.

No, but where exactly are we? We are in Alice in Wonderland. Alice in Wonderland? Yes, that's where we are. This is Alice in Wonderland.

But my name's Alice. Yes, indeed it is. But why is it called Alice in Wonderland? Because this is you in Wonderland.

So if I wasn't here, what would it be called? Well, if you weren't here, it wouldn't exist, young man. That doesn't even make sense. I know it doesn't.

Why are there so many pauses between when I talk and when you talk? Well, first of all, we're both, we are both, we're both being spoken by the same person. And secondly, he doesn't know what he's going to say from one second to the next. But doesn't he have a book in front of him to work from? I mean, you know, there's a book in front of him.

Isn't he reading off the Kindle? Yes, I do believe he is reading off the Kindle, even though the Kindle doesn't exist yet. Actually, that doesn't really work anymore, does it? What do you mean, young man? Well, going on about things not existing, according to you, unless I'm here, this place doesn't exist. Yes, that's true, young man.

You're very condescending, aren't you? I try my best, young man. And then suddenly, a three-legged table comes running towards them, made of solid glass for some reason. And there was nothing on it but a tiny golden key.

And Alice spoke to the table saying, excuse me, three-legged table, with a made of solid glass with a tiny golden key. Can you do us a favour and help me get out this bowl of soup? The table says, I don't know if I want to. He said, oh, please.

You know, what's in it for me? Be your best friend. I don't want any more friends. It's bad enough I lost my leg the other day.

Oh, what do you want the key for anyway? I didn't, I've not asked for the key yet. That's later in the story. Oh, sorry.

What did you ask again? I was wondering if you could help me get out of this bowl of soup. I suppose. Okay.

And the table helped Alice get out of the bowl of soup. And Alice grabbed the key, tiny golden key, off of the table and ran. The table was a little bit annoyed like, but I helped you out of the soup and you just ran off.

You didn't say thank you. And the cat, the cat piped up saying, well, I think you'll find, even if my voice is a bit different than it was before, I think you'll find that she's a very naughty boy. That Alice.

Oh, is it Alice? Is it? Hey, what is she doing here? Well, according to this, she's, she's just, you know, just doing her thing, you know, she's just, you seem to be having problems of talking here, cat. Well, a little bit, my dear, a little bit. Why is that? The Kindle's just turned off.

Well, then you turn it back on again. I have now and it's working again. Hence me talking.

Oh, okay. So, they just continue in chatting and Alice walks up to a tiny door. And she thinks, really? I'm already tiny.

Why would there be a tiny door? Not much larger than a, than a little, well, a little door hole, a hole, a door, a little door. It looked like a door, but it's little. I don't know how other, how else to really explain it, to be honest with you.

So she thought, oh, no wonder the key is so small. I did wonder. Thinking about it, I'm surprised I even saw the key, bearing in mind how small the keyhole is.

Then she realized that the key was bigger than the door. And she thought, however, shall I fit this huge key into such a small space? And the door said, well, actually, actually, you may be quite surprised. I may look quite small, but inside I'm quite large.

It's a, it's a, it's a much, it's a tight fit, but once you're inside, there's lots of room. Oh, okay. But it's a bit weird, a talking door.

Oh, that's the weird thing you're getting from today, is it? That's what you find weird about this place, is a door that talks. That's the thing that you're really noticing, is it? Okay. All right.

Fair enough. Blimey. Everyone's a bit rude in this place.

Oh, rude? You think, you think I'm being rude, do you? You think I'm being rude? Well, you should wait until you get through this door. You wait. Oh, you got rude coming.

I'll tell you, you got a lot coming, a lot more than just rudeness coming. Okay. And she leant forward to do the, put the key into the keyhole, figuring like, well, it ain't going to go through because it's too big.

And she was right. So you pushed it and the key knocked the door over, the little door. And the door was like, ow, ow, what'd you do that for? What'd you do that for? That hurt.

Oh. And Alice laughed because she just had a weird sense of humor. She liked hurting things.

A bit strange, really, especially inanimate objects. She had a thing about wood. She liked, she liked just cutting wood in half.

She never a big fan, never a big fan of trees. Never really liked trees. Always thought they were a bit annoying, a bit in the way.

She often said to herself, that tree's in the way. Yeah, that's a memory. So she thought, well, I might as well just stick my hand through and have a little look, see what's in there.

Before she knows it, it's the other side of the door. How is that even possible? She thought to herself. And she's in this dark, empty hallway.

And she's wondering like, oh, I'm very, very confused. Very, very confused. And she didn't see him any point, just like, just, she thought, I'll just walk around, wander around.

And then she saw this other door, an even smaller door. But there's no key this time. But there is a table, a glass table with five legs on it.

And it's got a little bottle, just the right size for her to pick up. And, and there's a sign on it said, do not drink me. And she thought, that's weird.

I better have a taste of that. So she picks the bottle up, and she hears his voice going, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing, eh? What are you doing? And she said, oh, made a jump. Who are you? They call me five legs.

I used to be called four legs, but now I'm five legs. The five leg thief, that's me. What are you doing? What are you doing in the bottle? It's my bottle, not yours.

It's mine. She said, well, it says don't drink me. So the standard thing to do is to actually have a drink of it.

He said, this isn't, this isn't the Garden of Eve. You know, it's not the Garden of Eve. Oh, you could eat off any tree but that one.

Oh, I must have that one then. No, you ruined everything. I'm not Eve, am I? I'm not Eve.

I'm Alice. But you just sounded like me then. Work out which voices you're doing before you do them, will you? Okay.

It's hard. I forget whose voice I'm doing. What do you mean whose voice you're doing? You're Alice and I'm the five-legged table.

What do you mean which voice is you're doing? You're not doing your own voice. Your voice is your voice. This is my voice.

I'm the one with the soft, gentle voice and you're the one with a really scrapey on a cardboard, stinging nettle voice. My voice doesn't sound like stinging nettles. Yes, it does.

To me, it does. To me, it does. To me, it does.

He liked to say things three times for some reason. So she drinks out of the bowl because she doesn't listen to the table, who ironically was struggling to get about. That fifth leg didn't help him as much as he thought it would do before he stole it off three-legged one.

She drinks out of the bowl and she gets a feeling. It's like, oh, what a curious feeling. That's weird.

And suddenly, she becomes big. She absolutely grows huge and everything around her, it turns out, is just made of paper. And she just crashes through the paper and she's huge.

And by the time she's finished growing, she looks down and there's all on the floor is just little pieces of white paper, a couple of little black. There's a black paper where the cat was. It was really tiny and some collapsed tables, a little bit of glass.

And she's going, this is weird. She starts crying. And then she says to herself, oh, come on, there's no use in crying like that.

It's just a bloomy nose. And she's a handkerchief on the floor. So he picks it up.

She goes to blow a nose and a handkerchief, like suddenly she hears a voice. No, no, stop. And she looks and the handkerchief's talking to her.

She's saying, what's wrong? Oh, no, I don't want you to blow your snot into me. I'm I'm I'm please. No, no, anything but that.

Anything but that. Wish I could be worse. I needed a poo earlier.

OK, but you put the snot in there. Just use it for the snot. She did.

And he screamed and ran away. And then basically, she's just looking around and she sees this glass box. And it was under another table, but this table was just a normal table.

It didn't talk, which is good, because I'm running out of voices. And underneath it was saying, don't eat me. She thought, why would I eat a box? And she thought, oh, OK, this is weird.

So she opened the box because sometimes she realised quite a few years earlier because you have problems with boxes in the past. It took a few few times, a few occasions, a few events, a few birthdays and Christmases to realise that. You need to open a box to get to the contents.

It took her a little bit of learning that, but once she did, it did improve her Christmases and present times were a bit more enjoyable. And there was this cake in there, and she thought, oh, the message isn't for me not to eat the box, it's to not eat the cake. So she thought, obviously, I've got to eat that, as you do.

And then this little doggy in the background started running around goofily. So she's just like, oh, what shall I do next? So she scurried off and something happened to her. It's almost like she went back down to normal size, but she was somewhere else now.

She was in a forest and she thought, oh, I hope the trees don't talk. And they didn't. So that was good.

And this little Jack Russell in the background, this little red Jack Russell, decided to make as much noise as he could in order to distract the narration, the very professional narration of a very famous book. So he's walking, she's walking through the forest, and she comes across this, she comes across this table in the middle of this forest. And it's covered in food, cakes and like party stuff, you know, streamers, crackers, drinks, all kinds of things.

And there's a rabbit just sitting at the end of the table, eating a cake. And she laughed. I mean, she's never seen a carrot eat a cake before.

A carrot. There was a carrot there also eating a cake, but she's never seen a rabbit eat a cake. She's seen a rabbit eat a carrot, but she's never seen a carrot or a rabbit eat a cake.

She's very confused, curiouser and curiouser, she might have thought to herself. And she went and said, hello, you alright? And the rabbit said, I haven't got time to talk to you right now. I'm a little bit busy eating my cake.

And she said, Oh, what's the cake made of? Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, you wouldn't like it, my dear. What do you mean, I wouldn't like it? Oh, no, you wouldn't like it.

It's a very particular taste. Well, what kind of particular taste is it? Oh, it's a secret you wouldn't want to know. Well, I didn't before, I do now.

Why? Well, it's just standard, isn't it? If you tell someone that something you can't tell them something, they want to know what it is. It's just that, you know, the secret becomes interesting once it's a secret. Before it was a secret.

No interest. I could have walked away. But now you're telling me it's got my peaked my interest.

He said, No, no, no, it's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

She said, Okay, I'm not saying I don't want to take it off you. I'm just just like, you know, you couldn't if you tried couldn't if you tried. It's mine.

Mine. I'm not saying I don't want it. I'm just interested.

What's in it? It's cake. Cake, of course. What's cake made of? Cake.

Okay. Fair enough. So she said hello to the carrot.

He said, You're right. He looked very nervous. The carrot did.

Very nervous. Shaken. And she said, Why are you shaking Mr. Carrot? Firstly, I am a carrot.

Admittedly. But I'm not called Mr. Carrot. I think that's a bit rude.

I don't call you Mrs. Boy, do I? Mrs. Little Boy? I don't call your puppy Vinny. Hello, little Jack Russelly Vinny boy doggie, do I? What's your name then? My name is Mrs. Cake. Oh, sorry.

I didn't realise she was a girl. Does it matter? Does it matter what I am? How does that concern you? How does that affect your life? Okay, I was only asking. Wow.

Okay, only asking. Well, keep your big knee. What was that? I don't know.

I just lost words. I was so angry. Okay, so you're Mrs. Cake.

And you're a rabbit. You're Mr. Rabbit, I guess, are you? But the rabbit wouldn't speak anymore. And just like nodded, but not even know.

And Alice asked Mrs. Cake, the carrot, why is the rabbit not talking anymore? It's simple. It's simple. He's forgotten what voice he was using.

He doesn't want to do the wrong voice. What do you mean he's forgotten what voice? There's been too many voices. And for the first time, since you've making these recordings, you've tried to stick to the correct voices throughout.

But you've forgotten, he's forgotten the voices for the rabbit. For the rabbit? Oi, you can stop that right now. Don't be making fun of my speech.

Okay, said Alice. Anyway, you know, Alice gave up. And it's like, I don't know what to do now.

And suddenly, this man with a hat on, all made up makeup, it was pale, dressed very strangely, came hopping in. And she couldn't believe it. It looked like Johnny Depp looked like Johnny Depp.

And like, wow. She didn't say anything because she wondered if he'd be a bit you know, self conscious about looking like Johnny. And she said, Hello, he said.

And this is not Johnny Depp, but the man. He said, And Alice said, Are you just making those noises so you don't have to think of a voice? Mrs. Cake the carrot says, No, that's the Mad Hatter. Well, your voice has now changed.

You've got an accent now. No, my voice has always been like this. No, it was different earlier.

It was. What was it like? I don't remember. Maybe we should start widening this story up.

Maybe. Can we not give a voice to the Mad Hatter? We can try. Mr. Mad Hatter.

How's your day been? No, I don't think it's going to work. OK, so how do I get home? That's really the main thing. Oh, it's easy.

You just have to eat some cake if you can get it off the rabbit. OK, but what's in the cake? The Mad Hatter just shouts out, Carrot! Carrot! Carrot! Carrot! Carrot! Carrot! Carrot! Carrot! And she said, Mrs. Cake is talking to you. No, he's not.

He's talking about the cake. It's got carrot in it. What do you think I'm shaking? And she said, so Alice said, all I've got to do is have some cake and then I can go back to where I came from.

Yeah, but don't put it like that. It sounds a bit racist. OK, I don't mean that I can go return to my home.

I said, yeah, just have a bit of cake. But he's not giving me any. Yeah, but if you notice, if you go under the table, it's very messy.

It's all on the floor. So she does, she crawls, crawls under the table and manages to get a bit of cake. And suddenly she finds herself falling again.

And she appears back in the garden, exactly where she was before, where the rabbit hole was. And then she does a poo. Luckily, another rabbit came past.

And that's the end of the story. And downstairs has started to play really loud music. So it's a good time to end.

So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Now go to sleep.

What? What do you want, Timmy? What do you want, darling? Why are you being weird?