#380 Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis FOCUS ON POSITIVE THOUGHTS FOR THE NEXT WEEK (Jason Newland) (12th June 2021)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Just trying to figure out what Andre's doing. Just hopping around. Oh, now I see what he's doing.

He's looking for somewhere to go to the toilet. And he's decided, instead of doing it on the paper, which is completely empty, he's done it underneath my sit-up bench. Andre, how? You think that's acceptable, do you? You think that's acceptable behavior? Huh? Do you? Do you? I sometimes wonder if he actually cares.

No, he's gone to sleep now. He's gone back to bed. Anyway, and... Oh, dear, oh dear.

I got a real lack of energy today. I say today, I mean it's 21 minutes into the day, but I'm talking about yesterday, but I'm still awake. Yeah, I had very little energy to really do anything.

In fact, I haven't done anything. At all. I couldn't leave me bothered to watch TV or watch movies or anything.

Just I went on my website to do some website building and nothing. Just couldn't be bothered. It's weird, isn't it? I had days like that.

But I decided not to go to bed. Although I did sleep most of the day. And right.

So I wanted to say a quick thank you to Susan for helping me out. So thank you very much. And we'll just have a quick look at this.

I've got a face ID on my on my phone. I've mentioned it a few times, I think, but I just love it. I don't know why.

It's just, it's just really cool. This is so much easier than I'm to keep typing in, because it just is. It saves me, what, two seconds, but it's just, I don't know, it makes me happy for some reason.

So what was I going to say? Yeah, yeah, hello. I'm logging in to my PayPal account. So my next payment is due, I think, on the 20th.

So the next couple of days. So I've got enough in there to pay for the podcast. So thank you for everyone that's helped out.

Really, really appreciate it. So that's that amount of money is covered. So I've basically set up the podcast, the websites to be paid by the PayPal account, rather than my bank account.

So if there's no money in the PayPal account, then it just doesn't get paid. Because so it's just really handy. It's really helpful to have have the help.

So thank you really, really appreciate it. Very much so. And also, the other people that I've already mentioned as well, previously, such as I'll mention them again, as I'm here.

Boston Chickie, Ariana, and Deborah. So thank you very much. And also, Teresa.

So yes, I just feel I don't like to use the word blessed because it's it's a weird kind of word. I don't know why. All right, I got a message today, or yesterday.

Where is it? New customer message. This is from Millie. Love you.

Love the podcasts. Make me laugh. From Cardiff now living in NZ.

Wake every night. So it's great to listen to you chatting until I'm to sleep again. Thanks.

Well, thank you, Millie. And I like the name Millie. I don't know why.

Was there someone famous called Millie? Millie Vanille? Millie Vanille, wasn't it? Isn't that that group? That's a very huge. Vili Minini? Don't say it's true. Don't say it's true.

I say it's true. You say it's true. They had braided hair, or like dreadlocks, but like really, they kind of looked like Terrence Trent Darby.

From, yeah, it was that kind of look. Because Terrence Trent Darby, I don't know if you remember him back when he kind of first came out. Beautiful man.

He could have been a girl. I don't mean that disrespectfully to him. Because he's one of my biggest musical heroes.

It's like, but I'm okay. I've got no issues with being able to say that. I'm very comfortable in my non-sexuality.

I don't have a sexuality anymore. I'm just, I'll be bracing 50, being 50 soon. I think that kind of is no longer an issue, really.

Oh, Terrence Trent Darby. Oh, he was gorgeous. I didn't fancy him.

I just could see that he was, you know, so who would you want to look like? So when I was 17, he said, who would I like to have looked like? I probably would have said George Michael, Terrence Trent Darby, probably Nick Caiman, because he was the big thing at the time. But no one that I knew, there was no one that I knew that I wanted to look like. I didn't see anyone and think, I wish I looked like you.

Not facially, maybe bodily. You know, some people are bigger, muscly, strong. I'd like to be, I'd like to be inside his body.

That sounds wrong, doesn't it? But you know what I mean. I'd like to go right in, not get right in there, but to have, you know, I'd have loved that when I was 17, 15, 16, 17, to walk around all muscular. It would have just been, that would have been my dream.

Honestly, it would have never got a chance. I still don't have the chance to do it, but I would have loved to have done it. In fact, if I could have been the size I am now, when I was 15, 16, my whole life would have been a lot different because it would just, I'd just be muscle.

It'd all be muscle. And I think people would possibly book me for modeling gigs, you know, I've been a model. Yeah.

Maybe not. Maybe, maybe, maybe not. I had a little bit of sad news today.

I get emails from the Buddhist Center, which is, I don't go there. I haven't really gone regularly since I moved here due to it being so far away. But after this lockdown thing, I'm starting to, and other things that happened in my life, I've started to miss the kindness of being, the positive energy that can come from being around people, nice people, people that are genuinely, even if they're struggling with being nice, like me, I'm not always, I don't always find it easy to, with humans and stuff, but, but you know, they're trying, they're doing their best, they're working through it.

They're not just giving in to their basic, basic instincts of just being whatever they might naturally want to be. So I kind of, yeah, I'm missing that a little bit. In fact, I actually went there just before all this stuff happened.

I think it was in January. I went there on a Friday and they were closed. The reason they were closed is because I was there a day early.

I basically turned up the wrong day, because it was Christmas period, and I was lost track of what days were what. But when this silliness is over and done with, I am planning to get back there and get back into a more like regular meditation. Yeah, I think it would be useful for me.

And also, you know, a lot of my friends and stuff were pretty much connected to the Buddhist center. You know, I don't, I don't have, I have only very, very, a handful of friends that aren't Buddhists, and the ones that are Buddhists, I have no contact with, due to me not really putting any effort in, and probably them forgetting about me. So yeah, I'm gonna possibly go back, but I get emails from them.

They've closed up anyway at the moment because of not being allowed to open. And they've been having some online streaming, meditations and things like that. And there's a couple of things that are happening.

I've got a friend who's been ordained into the Triratna Buddhist organization called Chris, and I've known him for a long time, since 2007, I guess, 2008. So quite a long time, being in groups with him, I was on the ordination process with him. Although I've not left the ordination process, but I haven't proceeded with it.

But he was, in some ways, the most unlikely person to get ordained, because he just didn't sort of fit in with, he didn't go along with how they did things. And I don't know, I guess he must be doing that now. And so good luck to him.

So I quite like, I'd like to be at the celebration he has, but it can't, you know, I don't know how they're going to do it. You know, he was supposed to be ordained, should have been probably going away this month. Either he was going to be going to Spain for three months.

I'm not sure if he's able to do that, but he might be retirement age now. Because last time I saw him, I'm sure he was in his early 60s. So he may well have retired.

But being retired doesn't mean he's allowed to go. I mean, his wife might not want him to go for three months. It could be a bit of a strain on a relationship, I guess.

I don't know. I mean, I reckon there's only the only thing worse than spending three months apart from someone who's been in three months with them. So anyway, either that or he was going to go to a local retreat place in Norwich, which does ordinations as well.

And that probably lasts maybe two weeks. And then he'd get ordained. And then it'd be the public ordination.

So private ceremony, and the public ceremony. And the public ceremony would be held at the retreat center and all family, friends and other Buddhists, you know, could all come along and sort of watch that and have a big celebration. Some people do it at the Buddhist center when they get back, you know, it depends on the person.

But now because no one's allowed to get together in groups, I don't know what's going to happen. And you know, I feel in some ways, I feel more sadder for him than I would for a lot of other people waiting to be ordained because he's been waiting for so long. And I know it's been his dream for, you know, 10, 15 years or something.

It's a long, long time. He was on the ordination process when I met him. I don't know how long he'd been on it, but he's watched loads of people get ordained during that time.

So just, you know, when something means everything to you, that's kind of what it is for him. This is everything. This is his life, his ambition.

And all his life's work is led to this, you know, all of his studying and meditation and retreats and growth as a person, all that stuff. And I don't know, maybe he's going to have to wait till next year before he goes and does it, or perhaps they'll just hold it off until the autumn. I don't know.

I'd like to be there and see him because I like him. And it'd be good to see, I don't know, it'd just be really cool to see that because I haven't, a lot of people that I know that have been ordained have gone away to Spain and been ordained there, most of my friends. And I know a lot of people that have been ordained over the years.

And I literally lost everyone's telephone numbers over the years. I've got no one's numbers. So I can't even phone him to see how he is.

Damn. I wonder if I've still got his email. No, I might have his email address.

I'll have a look. Anyway, I had another email today, which was a sad one. A friend of mine called Eric passed away two days ago.

And Eric was, he was really lovely. I mean, he was, he must have been getting on to 90. Because he was 80.

I'm sure he was 80 years old, about 10 years ago. I'm pretty sure, you know, and I haven't seen him for a long time. But he's just, he's one of, you know, the people you know, and even though you don't see them for a long time, you just want to give him a big hug when you do see them because it's, it's exciting.

That's how I've kind of, that's how he feels when he meets me. Not that bold about him. But when he, when he meets me, he gets very, I'm joking.

Yeah. So that's, that's what it is. If I see him, I run over and give him a big hug.

Well, I did. And yeah, he's gone. And can't, can't go to the funeral.

Can't, you know, none of that stuff. It's, and I would, he's someone that I would actually, because I do, I really like him. As someone, I would actually go to his funeral because I knew him for a long time.

He used to do, I used to see him on a Wednesday night, sometimes Thursdays, but Wednesdays predominantly. And he used to do the dana bowl, which is basically a begging bowl, really. It's where people put their donations in and, and it's, this is him talking, as you say.

And at the beginning of the night, before we all went to the shrine room to meditate, he'd say, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Eric. And this here is the dana bowl. Dana means generosity.

So if you can put in a bit of money to help run the center, because everything is done by volunteers. And, and if you don't have any money, that's fine as well. Have a lovely evening, everyone.

Hello, everyone. My name is Eric. This is the dana bowl.

And there was someone else that used to go there. I've not seen him for ages, but he used to do an impression of him. There was a perfect mimic of him.

And I see him every now and then in town. And he's, this is funny. It's just, it makes, just makes you like, even thinking about it, it makes me laugh because it was a proper, good evening, everybody.

My name is Eric. My impression is as good as you want it to be, because you won't know who he is, so it's fine. But he was lovely.

And used to be a sailor, I think in the merchant navy, but I think that he was cool, a cool dude. He's very fit for his age. You know, I mean, with old age, he had a fall and had a stroke and got ill and stuff later on in life.

But when I first met him, he was pretty fit. You know, he's slim, which is always a good thing for elderly. You don't see many, don't see many old fat people.

You know, I'm saying that from my own perspective, I'm thinking, you know, you don't see many 90 year olds that got big bellies. Doesn't, that's like a factual thing. So I'm thinking, oh, perhaps I need to do something about my belly.

I'm going to hide it. I'm going to hide it from, hide it from Mr. Death. I'm going to hide it away and just get a little girdle or something and just pretend that I've got a slim stomach.

The older I get, I'm just going to keep like wearing more and more belts just to sort of keep in, keep in the fat. Eventually it'll just start rolling up in out of my chest and I'll be walking on my back will just be wobbling and everything from how all the, I don't know. My back's not too bad, I don't think.

There's no way of knowing is there? How could we know what our backs are like? My opinion was always, I see him like having haircuts. Don't worry about the mirror at the back. I don't care.

I can't see it. I've been a bit like that with clothes over the years. I can't see what I'm wearing.

Well, if I look down, I can, but when I'm looking ahead, there's other people that can see what I'm wearing. It's your problem, not mine. Yeah, I'm not sure that's been helpful to me.

Like my bum, I don't know. I might have the biggest bottom in England. I might.

I don't know, but I might. Honestly, I mean, I've noticed that I'm still sitting in the same chair, but over the last few weeks, my head seems to get closer and closer to the ceiling. So I don't know, is that because my bum's getting bigger? No, it's the ceiling.

Lowering. I don't know. It's just one of those things, isn't it? So the radio is coming on, so it's a bit clicky.

Click, click, click. Can't believe how little I've done today. I've been trying to get the, I think I mentioned this yesterday.

I've been trying to get the dictation app working. And it's, let me show you what is it? What is it called? It's called Dragon Anywhere by Nuance. And it's just not working.

It's not working at all. It works, but it's not how I want it to work. So what I want to do is play a recording, an audio recording, and then have this recorded.

Stick them in the bedroom, in a different room to where I am anyway, and just let it play for an hour or however long the recording is. And then I can just download the audio script, the transcription, and then do a little bit of editing, but minimal, hopefully. But it just keeps cutting off.

I don't know if it struggles with listening for an hour. Maybe it falls asleep. Maybe that's what's happening.

I'll figure it out. I will figure it out because I'm going to be, I'm determined to write some books. I'm determined.

I say determined. If I say it, I feel more determined. Determined to get my stuff organized, all in the cloud, all into different files, all into like Word and all.

I want everything to be organized and usable. And also so I can see what I've done before and maybe not repeat it, perhaps. Or maybe I'll just repeat it.

But I do want to do that. I want to get everything organized. And now with, my laptop's kind of seems to be on its way out a bit.

It just keeps shutting down. I think that's partly because of overuse. And I should know from previous experience, if you use something too much, it does get worn down a bit.

So I think it needs its tires changed, you know, if it was a bicycle or something. But unfortunately with laptops, you can't do it. It doesn't work that way.

So I've got some other things I've got in mind and I'm going to start using, trying to connect the technology that I have in order to all kind of be aiming in the same direction. That's my plan. And if I can, if I can, I want to write.

And part of the reason for this is Molly kind of gave me this idea. I don't know, but she sort of asked me about maybe saying something more about my childhood and about my life and I suppose I limit what I talk about in from that angle because not all of it's very funny. And I know that not all recordings are funny and they're not supposed to be like hilarious all the time.

I have my moments, but at the same time, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to get too, too serious either, if at all possible. That's why when I mentioned my friend is dead, I'm telling you about his quirks. I'm telling you about how lovely he was.

I'm not focusing on, you know, the, the sad part of it. Although it's sad to me, there's no reason for it to be sad for anyone else other than people that knew him and loved him. And, but for everyone else, he's just someone you've never heard of before.

So it's mildly interesting in a sense. I mean, if you hadn't met him, you'd have liked him. He's one of these people that you'd like.

It's very, I think he would have been a handful when he was younger. You could see he was a strong man. So you can just imagine what he was like when he was sort of in his twenties.

And, and he said himself, he was a bit of a handful when he was in the merchant Navy or the Navy, but he was, you know, he was a bit of a possibly a little bit of a tear away. I think he said, but you know, I met him when he was nearly 80. So I think he was about 77 when I met him, late seventies.

And I couldn't believe it when he told me he was 80. I was like, what? I thought you were 95. He laughed.

No one else did. And I couldn't believe it was 80 cause he didn't look it. He just didn't eat.

There's something about it. It wasn't so much his face didn't look old because very few people at 80 look really young in their face, but it's more think of why should they? I mean, I think it's, I don't think there's anything wrong with looking. If you're old, 80s old, what's wrong with being 80? For me, I don't see any problem with it.

I think if you're lucky, if you get to be 80, that's a privilege, isn't it? Providing you're being looked after and you're healthy. Of course, I suppose you can go different directions with that, can't you? But his body is such a, his body, I'm just about to say something that I realized it's inappropriate. He just didn't look.

He physically, if you took his head off, well, he had to die, wouldn't he? But if you took his head, if you put a bag over his head, I should mention, he didn't like that. But if you did, if you were able to get over his head when he was like doing a washing up or whatever and quickly ran off, you could take a picture and run off. And you could say to someone, how old do you think this person is? And they'd probably say, I don't know, 30s, 40s.

That's the kind of body he has, a really fit body. And then they'd probably say, why has he got a brown bag over his head? Why is he holding that knife and running at you? Don't worry about it. Just look at, focus on the body.

And so he was lovely. I really, really liked him. So yeah, my love goes out to the family and friends of his, a lot of friends of his who are friends of mine as well.

Which, although they might have, I don't know how many of them have forgotten me. I think I said this years ago and someone didn't agree with me, but I think I'm one of those people that you, that would, let's say go to the Buddhist center and go there and people would didn't notice I was there, but forget about me as soon as I'd left. If I wasn't seen, I wasn't thought of.

And that's, that's how I think my relationship was with the, with the Buddhist center. If I wasn't there, they didn't think of me. Not, not everyone, but I've got one friend I can't get rid of.

He's, I lived with him in Ipswich in a Buddhist community and lovely man. I didn't live with him. We weren't lovers.

We lived, he had his own room and Friday night was date night. You know, apart from that, nothing else happened. And he, he was an order member.

So he was, was kind of in charge of the, of the community. He'd been there right from the start. I think his money paid for the mortgage.

His, his, he sold his flat, his accommodation to put down a deposit on that house. So it was basically his house really, but it, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't under his name. And I had a really, really good relationship with him, close connection with him.

He can talk, I tell you, you might think, yeah, so can you. Yeah, but he really can talk. I can do it.

There's no one else around, but he can do it in front of people. He's a right chatterbox, but he's lovely. He's one of those that will just, I don't know why, but it goes out of his way to help people.

And I say, I don't know why, because he's, again, I'm talking about the past because I haven't really had regular contact with him for a long time. Although I do still have contact with him, you know, virtually or by phone or text or whatever. He came home one night and he worked across the road in a nursing home, because he was a nurse, he was a mental health nurse.

And he had this part-time job in this care home. And for some reason he drove there. It was across the road.

It was a five minute walk, but he drove there. And so, you know, for whatever reason, he came back. I think I was in the living room.

We were all just having a big cuddle together, you know, like Buddhists do. Kissing each other's feet. We didn't do that.

I don't know why I say this stuff. It didn't happen. And I do kiss Andre's feet though.

He's such, I don't, smelly feet. I like to clean his feet. He's got very weird feet.

Very strange. Very, very, very ferret-y. And yes, he came home one night and this was after work.

So he'd driven out of the driveway of this, it's a big old building, probably a listed building, I would say, that held these, there was people with, I think, brain injuries and stuff. So he was a nurse there. And he parks outside.

I said, are you all right? He said, yeah. I said, what are you parked out the front for? Why haven't you parked your car downstairs? Because there's a driveway down to the back of the house. He said, oh, this man just asked me if I could give him a lift to, I can't remember what it was, Harwich or something like that.

Okay. And he said, he described, he basically said he was dressed up in, he was dressed a certain way, a little bit alarm bells for me regarding the safety of my friend. And this bloke was huge as well, which I didn't realise until I got into the car.

I said to my friend, I said, you ain't driving in the middle of nowhere with some stranger who doesn't even know where he's going. He's clearly disturbed, which he was really disturbed. I don't know how, but he was in a quite an anxious way, which is, you know, he just might have had a really bad day, but I don't know how he got there dressed the way he was.

Without having been picked up by the police. So I'm not going to go into details, but he, he was, you know, I feared, I looked out the window and looked, oh, so I thought, now I'm coming with you. So he gets into the car, I get into the back behind this bloke.

Then he starts acting really strange, like, what are you doing here? What, who are you? I said, never mind who I am. I'm coming along for the ride. And he was quite twitchy.

Then I suppose I might have been as well with someone and some stranger got him beside me, but, or behind me, but, you know, I had to make sure my friend was safe. Because he just put himself out for anybody without thinking about his own safety. And you might think, oh, you're exaggerating.

Okay, here's an example. We went, we were on a retreat, I was on a retreat with him. And we went with him in the car for a day out, while we was on that retreat, or, you know, the afternoon, and we went to have some tea and some scones in this lovely little place.

And there was, the cliffs were there. And his idea was he wanted to go for a swim. Okay, so I'm with this lady there, who actually ended up dating for a little, very short while.

And so we were kind of starting to connect with each other. And she, you know, she was telling me all about her life. And I was pretending to listen, that kind of stuff.

And, and so we're just having a laugh walking ahead. And there's this big sign. I mean, I'm talking big sign saying, do not go near the cliff edge, as the cliffs are crumbling and extremely dangerous.

And there was, it was all cordoned off. Okay.Me and this lady, we're walking towards the, this little shop, tea shop.

And we look back. And we were looking for, where has he gone? And she said, look. And he was climbing down the cliff, running towards the sea.

I don't know where his clothes were. He was basically just in his underpants. Well, he might have had swimming trunks on, I don't know.

But let's say underpants, let's say knickers for the glimmery knickers were very fluorescent with bubbles. I don't know, just for the sake of it. Wearing a cowboy hat.

It doesn't matter, does it? And he's running. And he's like, what? No sense of safety. Even when there's a massive sign.

And this is not someone that is unable to read. It's not someone that's unable to comprehend logic. Or he's not, there's no intellectual issues with him.

He's got a doctorate. He's a very, very, very intelligent man. In some ways, complete idiot.

But when it comes to safety, he's just running down. I couldn't believe it. I was shouting at him.

It's absolutely amazing. Another time, we were in a car park. So we used to travel around quite a lot together.

I guess one of my best friends, really. And we were parking, he was parking the car. And he stopped.

And he, you know, there's plenty of, he wasn't just, he was, you know, practically stationary. Another car went into the back of him. And the bloke got out and started shouting.

So he gets out and says, oh, sorry. No, it's okay. We'll swap.

We'll swap the information. I'll make sure my insurance pays for it. So I get out of the car.

And I said, no, you just drove into the back of us. You drove, he was stationary. You drove into the back of him.

There's no damage to either car. And the bloke was like, oh, I think he just thought he had like one person to sort of shout at. And given all the big and then, no, mate, it don't work like that.

So I wouldn't have minded if he was dealing with an arsehole, you know, someone that was just basically a not very nice person. But he was dealing with one of the nicest people I've ever known in my life. A really genuinely kind, loving person who just would never, ever do anything to anyone.

Unless it was out of kindness. I know it might sound like an exaggeration, but genuinely, he is that lovely. I've not met many people like that in my life.

Not even amongst the Buddhists. He's on a different level of generosity. It's, yeah, very hard to explain.

Sound like I like him, don't I? He's all right, I suppose. He still sends me birthday cards and Christmas cards every single year. And every time he goes away on holiday, goes travel somewhere, he sends me postcards.

Still. And I haven't lived with him since November 2007. Isn't it weird? He must love me or like me a little bit.

Amazing, amazing man, really. I feel like I need to contact him now. It means talking to him.

You don't have to go on. I wish I wasn't such a nasty person. But he's so real, honestly.

Another time in the Buddhist center, someone walked in to the center, sort of Wednesday night, might have been a Thursday night, I can't remember exactly. But this man walked in, wearing a dressing gown and some slippers. That was it.

Walked in and sat down. Nothing else on, but a dressing gown and slippers. Nobody knew what to do.

I didn't have the first idea either, if I'm honest. But it wasn't down to me to do anything anyway, because it was down to the order members to, they were the ones in charge of the center. And I could support them, but I couldn't do anything.

I didn't make any decisions. But they did. But none of them knew what to do, apart from him.

Took him into the shrine room, away from everybody else, had a chat with him. And got him home. I think he might have even drove him home.

Contacted his family, because maybe he had some kind of condition, which led him to do that. Maybe he didn't know what he was doing, or didn't know what was going on. But there was a real kind of, he didn't come back in laughing.

I was laughing. But he didn't. He just like, it was like another day.

Like it was nothing. You know, it's just, I think meeting someone that's way nicer than I am, or way nicer than I'm ever going to be, is almost like a privilege, you know. To meet someone that's, or to get to know someone that really is that nice.

He had his moments when he was a bit of a knob. But we all do. But it's really rare, really, really rare.

And in all fairness, living with me is not easy. I'm not, or it wasn't, I don't know about now, but back then, you know, I'd spent most of my adult life living on my own in rooms. Suddenly, although I was living in a room, we were sharing stuff, like eating together sometimes, and sitting in the living room together, meditating together sometimes, doing activities together.

And I wasn't used to that. It was a very new thing to me. And I've not done that since either.

And I'll never do it again, I guess. But yeah, it was amazing. Amazing, man.

This has been quite positive. Has it been a positive recording? I don't know. I'd like to think it's been quite positive.

So let me have a look. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Let's go look at my Facebook, see.

Posted this live because I, just because I can. Have I got any messages from anyone? Nope. Message from Rachel.

Hello, Uncle JJ. I said, yay, how you doing? Rachel, I'm fine, thanks. In fact, I'm going to do that.

Hi, Rachel, I'm fine. Thank you very much. Let's see what it sounds like.

Hi, Rachel, I'm fine. Thank you very much. It almost sounds sarcastic, isn't it? Let me do another one.

Let me record another one for her. Hi, Rachel, I'm recording this at the same time as recording my Let Me Bore You To Sleep recording on Sunday, the 19th of April, 2020. So just let you know that.

So you're part of the recording. You, me dear, are part of the recording forever and ever and ever. Bye for now.

Hi, Rachel, I'm fine. Thank you very much. Let me do another one for her.

Hi, Rachel, I'm fine. Thank you very much. Let me do another one for her.

Bye for now. Hi, Rachel, I'm fine. Thank you very much.

Let me do another one for her. Bye for now. Bye for now.

It's very tinny, isn't it? It's got quite a tinny, tinny sound to it. And let's see if I've got anything on. Oh, that's Rachel.

I've got anything on Skype. Give me a call when you're back. That's from my mate.

No, don't have to. Can't make me. And I got a picture from Lola.

And it's, it's a picture of a ferret. Oh, picture of a ferret. So thanks for that picture.

And the weird thing about ferrets is they're all cute. You know, I like to think that he's having a little date just near my foot, by the way, just in case you're wondering. You can hear him.

He gets very self-conscious if I, if I stop talking. He knows I'm listening to him. He knows because he's going to look up at me in a minute.

Yeah, I know. I'm watching you. How did you learn to do that? So he's basically, he's got the slipper in his mouth and he's wrapped himself around some bubble wrap.

And yeah, he's... I don't know if you can hear him. He seems to be enjoying himself anyway. Which is good.

Wow. Oh, here's a boring thing I thought I'd do. I thought I'd play a game of solitaire.

So I've already started it. So I'm two minutes, 22, three minutes, 23 seconds in so far. Two minutes, 23 seconds.

So I'm just going to, I've got four to five, five to six. I have to turn it over. Jack, 10, Jack, nope.

I mean, it's kind of a game of chance, isn't it? You can't, it's not something you can really... You can be skilled at remembering where things go and not missing a, you know. Sounds like a hyena, doesn't he? Let me have a look. No, can't do anything with that.

Three, nope. Ten. No, I can't do it.

This is ridiculous. Two. Ah, I can do a two.

Ten, nope. Queen. Yeah, red queen under the black king.

So I've got ten of diamonds. So that was a queen of diamonds. Ten of diamonds underneath.

Nope, that's not good. Seventh of diamonds. No, that's not good.

Oh yeah, seven of diamonds underneath the eight of clubs. So the ten of... Which one's a club and which one's a jack? Jack. I don't know which one's the club and which one's a jack.

Is the club the bobbly one with three bits? It is, isn't it? Isn't that the club and the jack is the one that looks like a, the head of a, well, I've got a lot of mushroom or an upside down heart. It's really annoying now because I've got this app, right, and an advert's trying to play, but because it's an iPhone, it's blocking the advert. The shield is blocking it, the internet shield.

So it must be sort of something dodgy. But it's flashing. It's like flashing on and off the whole time.

So I can't, I can't look at it. So that's going to have to be deleted. Delete app.

Bye-bye. I can't have stuff like that. So I've got another one called Word Search.

I'm at level four. Why is it telling me this? How many words can you find? What I want to do is Word Search. Word Search.

So I've got this thing. It's just keeps giving me adverts. So, okay, so I've got calm, C, A, C, Andre, shush, calm, got that, friend, F, F. I used to do Word Search years ago when I was a kid, and it used to be very relaxing.

So I used to do it quite a lot. Calm, friend, got that, mouse, M, mouse, got that, degree. I definitely do have a degree.

I don't know how and I don't know why, but I do. Degree, where is it? Come on, come on, come on. We're okay.

We're okay. I used to be a person that I used to work with at the, one of the insurance companies, and he used to do whisper shouting. And he would shout, but he'd be really quiet, like, will you stop doing that? Will you stop? I'm getting angry now.

Like, that's not real shouting. Degree, where's degree? De, de, de, de. There's only one D. No, I've got a degree.

Await, await, Andre, shush, evoke, evoke, got that, lunch, lunch, got that, easy, widow, widow, got that. So I'm now at level five. Just every one I get to, there's an advert.

I don't know why. So it's like 10 seconds of advert. So I'll just let it play.

And I'll go to the next one. And it keeps showing adverts. Level five, clock, clock, got that, nest.

Well, that was a bit, some of the words are similar. Similar, nest. Ah, I feel a little bit less cocky with this one.

Nest, net, nin, net, there you are, new, nin, nest, got it, beam, beam, got that, math. It's actually maths, not math, but there you go. Index, index, got that, goat, g-o-a-t.

No one's ever called me the goat. Apparently it's quite a nice compliment. He's the goat, man.

He's the goat. I want to be a goat. Higher, h-i-r-e, oh, no.

Oh, I nearly fell for that. It's a little bit harder because they've all got different colours when you actually link them, which sort of uh, hides the words a little bit, or the letters rather. Higher, got that, camera, camera, got that as well.

So that's done. Level five, and now 30 seconds of adverts. It's ironic, isn't it? I'm getting annoyed by adverts.

Oh, level six, leave, leave, leave, leave, got that, love, love, got that, poem. Let's have a look. Staff.

Dear Jason, normally we like your, uh, Let Me Bored to Sleep podcast, got a staff, a void, but this latest one, you were doing some word search puzzle on your phone. It's a bit boring, if I'm honest. Oh, so, uh, what's the title, what's the title of the podcast that you were listening to? The Let Me Bore You to Sleep.

Oh, okay, score, got that as well. So, carry on, so you're saying that the boring, the podcast that says Let Me Bore You was boring. Yeah, and you're complaining about that.

Um, yeah, okay. Do you see anything silly in your complaint? No. Would you like to maybe examine what might be silly about it? No, no.

Eleven, seven, level seven, mound. Oh, that reminds me of a picture I saw recently. It was this, um, mound.

It was, uh, I don't know, it's, um, pretty more like a molehill, actually. It's just, it was like a mound of dirt. It was just up in the fields.

M-O, mound, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove, glove. Glove, where's glove? Glove, glove, glove, glove, glove. Done that.

Arrive, arrive. Oh, I've arrived. License, done that, that's easy.

Warmth, warmth, got that, easy. Machine, ma-ma-machine, done that. Silver, silver, easy.

Shadow, shadow, easy. Got that. Concept, concept, concept, easy done.

So that's level seven done. Wonder how many levels there are? I wonder. There might be hundreds, mightn't there? But if I do seven, there's no, unless, unless, there's they start putting a timer on how long you have to actually do it, which they haven't done so far, on these ones.

So another 30 seconds of adverts, level eight. Donor. Okay.

Donor, got that. Planner. Planner, planner, planner, planner.

It should be quite easy to do. Planner, where's P? Planner, got it. Jeans, jeans.

Stretch, got that. Divorce, got that. Tie, do.

What a lovely background sound that we have. Tie, it's hiding from me. That's weird.

I can only see one T. Till, tile. Oh, it's tile. I found tile, but I thought the word was tie.

It was tile all along. Family, got that. It's much easier to know what word I'm looking for.

Candle, got that. And drown, got that. Lovely.

So that's all done. So nowhere else, probably nowhere else in the world can you get a podcast where you've got someone doing a word search game on a phone with the sounds of a ferret and making sweet love. Probably nowhere else in the world you can get this, which is possibly a good thing.

Empire. So this is level nine. Empire.

Oh, this is a little bit more. Wow. Empire, okay, got that.

Let's try one to find that one. Got it. Admit.

I do admit that I was struggling to find that, but I found it very easy. Admit. Roof, not roof, because roof is wrong.

Roof, that's how it's pronounced. Just trying to help. Don't blame the messenger.

Roof. Roof. Got to change tiles on the roof.

No, roof. Roof. I need to concentrate.

Where is it? I think they messed up because it's not on here. It's not. They've messed up.

How, oh no, it's there. Beat. B-B-B-B-B-Beat.

Do the beat. The mega reggae beat. Beat.

Got that. Admit. Course.

Course. I found another word there, but council, and it's a word ahead. That's lucky.

Course. I'm so good at this. I'm finding words that I don't even need yet.

I found course. There you go. Deploy.

Deploy. Deploy. De-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-deploy.

Done it. Arrow. Arrow.

Done that. And now I've got medal. Medal.

Medal. Done. He's now a football player, isn't it? Medal.

I'm going to have to change his water in a minute. Not the water inside his body. I don't just drain him out, wring him out, you know, and then just fill him with water again.

I'm talking about the water that he drinks. The water that he drinks. Okay, right.

I'm just waiting for the adverts to finish on this. And now I'll click next level, number 10. So we've got, see, when I used to get the books, they used to have subjects.

For example, space travel or Star Trek or, I don't know, it was quite educational, I guess, because I'd be learning words that were connected to a specific topic. So it could be castles. I'd be learning new words to do with castles.

So I guess although it might seem like a complete waste of time, there may be some benefit. So victim, corner, I've got that. Cross.

I'm gonna, my peripheral will find two S's together. Yes, it will. Yes, it will.

Well, would that be easy to find? I'm not losing it. I'm just looking. Every now and a while.

This is annoying. Oh, it's there all the time. Cross.

Easy. Logic. Logic.

Very logical. It was very logic. Logic.

This will be easy to find. I'll find this in one, two, three. Yeah, got it.

Logic. In case you're wondering, I didn't know where it was for start counting. Retain on the countdown to four for this one.

One, two, three. Oh, got it. See, I've got it before I even got to four.

Build, build, build, build. Got that. Grace.

It's much, much easier when I'm not counting or talking. Grace. Grace.

Got that. Would, as in W-O-U-L-D. You got that.

Easy enough. Possess. Possess.

Done. So that's level 10 completed. So I've just got to wait 30 seconds for the advert or 25 seconds.

Something like that. It's my dad's birthday and my friend's birthday. I've got another friend's birthday.

So I've got three birthdays just in the next few days. Well, that's even more boring than me doing this. I'm just going to continue doing this.

Talking about people's birthdays. If it's not my birthday, why do I want to talk about it? Okay. Level 11.

Discuss. Got it. Coach.

Coach. Got that. Route.

Not route. Route. It's pronounced root, not route.

I wonder where people got the word route to pronounce it that way. Root. Base.

Base. Got that. Bulb.

Bulb. Uh, bulb. Got that.

And reveal. Reveal. Yeah.

Reveal yourself. Got that. Reveal.

Come on. That's it. Money.

Money. Money. Money.

Where are you? I've been asking that question for many years. Protect. Protect.

Got that. And guest. G-U-E-S-T.

Guest. Done it. Level 11.

Done. Now, it's not very challenging at this point. So I'm hoping that it gets more challenging.

But I'm thinking, because it's on a phone, it can only be so big, can't it? So I'm kind of thinking maybe if it was on a screen like a tablet, the words, it could have a lot longer words. Perhaps, but maybe, because one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight is the longest word it could be. One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four, says eight. Eight across. It's the longest word.

Mind you, eight is quite a long word, isn't it? So this is level 12. Image. Image.

Image. I got it. Image.

Habitat. Habitat. Habitat.

There used to be a shop, didn't it? Habitat. Habitat. Yes, I found it.

Didn't they used to sell like children's clothes and stuff or women's clothes, something like that. Expand. That's the one thing you could say, you can't call someone sexist when they say women's clothes shops, because there are women's clothes shops.

There are lots of them that cater for women. So you can't get in trouble for being sexy for that one. Respect.

Respect. Respect your elders. Respect.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Look what you've done to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

That's it. Got it. Doctor.

Remember when we used to have doctors? We used to be able to phone them up, book appointments and stuff. Remember them? Good old days. Doctor.

Where are we? Doctor. Doctor. Doctor.

Doctor. Can't you see I'm burning, burning? Doctor. Doctor.

Can't you see I'm moving? Doctor. Got that. Line.

Line. I found passion, so that must be there somewhere. Yeah, got that.

Line. Line. Got that.

Radio. Got that. Menu.

Menu. Got that. That was too easy.

Another one done. Another one bad to dust. Talking about menus.

I was walking Andre yesterday. No, not yesterday. Probably Thursday.

Maybe Friday. Maybe Thursday. Maybe Friday.

But it might be. Might mean Thursday. I was walking him and he was.

No, it's definitely Thursday. And for some reason he was taking me in a different direction to where I wanted to go. But I just went with him.

And we ended up on the main road. Not actually on the road, but you know, there's a little bit of green that you can walk on. And we ended up outside to Indian Takeaway.

It's also a restaurant as well. So he's sort of just doing his thing and sniffing everything. And we go past and suddenly one of the, the lights are on and there's people in there, but not customers, staff, having something to eat.

And one of them came to the door and opened the door and went over and said, you all right? He said, yeah. I said, what do you want? He said, I don't want nothing. I said, well, why are you, what did you come out for? He said, I can do what I want.

I said, all right. Why do you have to be so rude? He said, everyone's rude in your stories. I said, that's true.

Paper. I'm in search of paper now while I'm telling this story. Paper, got that.

And I said, you all right? How are you doing? He said, yeah. You know, I said, are you actually open for takeaways? Because you're not allowed to, got a lawn, that's good. You're not allowed to open a restaurant, are you? And he said, no.

Sitting, got that. Sitting. Yeah, sitting.

I said, go ahead. Raw. And I said, are you open during the weekend? He said, yeah.

I said, oh, I might get a takeaway. Didn't. But I felt a little bit awkward.

I wasn't sure what to say to him. I had no intention of getting a takeaway. I was just walking Andre.

Or he was walking me. Raw. Let's have a look for raw.

Raw. Raw. Raw.

Raw. Raw. The thing is with these, sometimes they just, they really are hidden until they're not.

It's supposed to be like being pregnant. You're not pregnant until you are. But just, it's like, what? Where is it? See, I found words that aren't even there.

Words that I don't need here. Like museum, that's on there. Found that.

Maker, I found that. And I didn't even know it was on there. Now I do.

Serve, found that. And that's one of the ones on there. It's ridiculous.

But the one I'm actually looking for, I can't find. Raw is what I'm looking for. But I can find trade.

And that's on there. But I'm not looking for that one. I'm looking for raw.

I can find life. That's on there. So I've done all the others that are on there.

But I'm looking for raw. And I'm finding these ones accidentally. Raw, where are you? Ah, ah.

Ra, ra. Oh, there, it's got it. It was hiding.

So that's okay. But yeah, I was like, to these people, or to this man. Yeah, get a takeaway.

Like, yeah, okay. I'm gonna spend 12 pound. So I'm sitting here eating, trying to make my food last.

And I had, what did I have for my dinner? I had one egg on toast. It wasn't boiled, it was poached, but it was in water. And I boiled in water, put the egg in, and I cracked the egg, put the egg in.

I didn't leave the shell in there. And then had that on a piece of toast. I'm trying to make everything last, because if I go out, I went into the shop the other day, I'll go to the next one.

It's just this, I've never found supermarkets to be the most enjoyable experience of my life. And part of that is the being around crowds and stuff. It's not really my thing.

I don't mind being around crowds if I'm working. It's a strange concept. But I can be around thousands of people if I have a function.

So if I'm on the door, or if I'm checking tickets, or even, I guess, even if I was sweeping up, emptying the bins, selling hot dogs, whatever it was, the crowds wouldn't affect me at all. It's strange. It's not affect me at all, but it wouldn't, I'd have a focus, there'd be a purpose.

And that's why I, so I'm gonna do the next one. This is level 14, begin. I had, I'm not saying beginners, I'm not, I'm not commanding myself, begin.

I'm not a robot, don't have to, you know, that's the actual word. So I'm saying fish. Again, I'm not talking about, I'm not saying I now want to talk about fish.

That's the word, fish. I found it instantly. Symbol.

What I noticed is, I think it's the internet that's done this to me. But I can scan for stuff really quickly. For words, maybe it was going to university, the studying, all that stuff, maybe.

Maybe it's because I'm quite a focused person anyway, apart from when I'm talking. I just hear people laughing when I say that I'm a focused weapon. What was I talking about? Yeah, I was outside the Indian restaurant, and they came out and said, oh, you're gonna, I said, yeah, you got, you're open at the weekend.

And they said, yeah, prompt. That's the next one, got that. And mean, that's the next one.

Not mean as in your me. Oh no, it is. Mean as in, what do you mean, I mean, same word, different word, same spelling.

What do you mean that I mean? What do you mean that I mean? It's the same word, but a different meaning. The English language, and I can only say the English language because I don't speak no other language. And it's not, it's a mixture between I can't and I don't want to.

So it's both those things. I can't speak other languages. I also have no interest in speaking other languages.

I also refuse to learn new things. I've learned enough. I don't want to learn anything new.

Don't see the, you cannot make me do it. So I won't. Mean, mean.

Okay, where is that? I'm enjoying this. This has distracted me. Mean.

I feel like I'm, I feel I'm closer to you. So I'm sharing an activity with you. In fact, we could all organize.

I don't know if there's a way of playing a game where if I told you when I was going to be making a recording, I wouldn't record live. I could, I suppose. But the good fit, the only downside of recording live is if the internet cuts off or there's a problem, then, or there's a knock at the door, you know, those kinds of things.

Or if I have a coughing fit, which sometimes happens. And not that often, but it's not so good on a live recording. On a recording, when I'm just doing this, I can just pause it or edit it out, you know, if I have to.

But I could play an online game, but I want it to be something mean. Not, I don't want it to be a mean game. No, I mean, but something that would be mildly interesting to me.

I don't know what though. Chess is probably a little bit over my head when it comes to playing another person. Checkers, I could play checkers.

So I've got a friend in Scotland who used to play checkers. And it's really annoying because she was, I met her on, I met her, pretty sure I met her on MySpace. And then we transferred over to Facebook.

So I met her right at the beginning of Facebook. And she was just beautiful, really. I didn't buy a picture, you know, but I started speaking to her on the phone, started kind of, not dating her, but getting to know her, you know, but she was a long way away, lives in Glasgow, or Glasgow, lives in Glasgow.

And she invited me up to meet her, to go up to see her. I really wanted to, but I was so scared. So, and this was 2007.

It's a long time ago now. This is before I even went to university. And, or was it 2006? I think it was, might have even been 2006.

But I think it was 2007. And I said, yeah, I can't afford to. I couldn't.

Because at that, yeah, it would have been 2007, because I was on benefits, because I wasn't working anymore. But there was like a time lap between probably June and September when I started university. So I was on unemployment benefit.

So I didn't, I had like basic money, just, you know, for food and stuff, rent, food. But I wanted to meet her because she's, I don't know, she just was lovely. I really liked talking to her.

Anyway, we used to play checkers online. And thinking back, I think it might be on Yahoo, or one of the, what they used to be called, you know, those chat, those chat things that you used to be able to talk to people on before Facebook did the chat thing before, you know, before the ones that are now, but used to be able to go into forums and talk to people and groups and stuff like that. And it was live.

Was it a Microsoft one? I don't know. Anyway, we used to play checkers live, you know, so I'd play checkers and she'd do it on her side. It was great.

And we did talk. I think, I don't know if we talk on the phone at the same time or not. I'm not sure if that facility was available.

Unless you, we might have been on the phone, but doing the checkers, yeah, it would have been on a computer because the phones didn't do it back then. Couldn't do very much on the phone, 2007 really. But we did it on, I did it on my laptop.

And she did it on hers. And then we might have been talking at the same time. I can't remember.

She might've been trying to distract me, but I really, really liked her. I still do like her. And she occasionally contacts me, but I couldn't afford to get down to see her.

And I was also scared as well. But I think the best situation, if you're going to meet, well, me, if I'm going to meet someone that's single and available and likes me, and I think going to meet someone and staying in their home is just unfair on them. It's so much pressure, isn't it? On both people, actually, because you might not like the person in person, you know, that they might be different.

Especially as I constantly lie about what I look like. You know, I tell everyone I'm blonde, six foot six, you know, brown eyes, huge bank account. You know, I can't very, I like to lie as much as possible.

But you can't hide that when they're actually with you. You can't, you know, you can't sort of knock on the door and just say, wait a second and pass a blindfold through the letterbox. Can you just wear that for the next two days, please? You know, it just doesn't work.

Well, unless of course, that does work. But I just, oh, she was lovely. And there was someone else who was going to come and see me.

And, and she really liked me. She was living in Amsterdam, I think, or Germany, Amsterdam, somewhere like that. And she wanted to come down and see me.

And I didn't tell her at the time, because I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. I really liked her.

We chatted on the phone, Skype or whatever. This is back in 2012, I think. Maybe two, yeah, about 2012, 13.

And she said, I'm going to be in England. I'll come and see you. I said, okay.

And then I cancelled. I said, no, I can't. I'm not able to do it.

So I kind of, she didn't like me after that. Which is fair enough, I guess. But what I couldn't be honest with her about is that I was living in this grotty, smelly, damp room, which was mouldy.

And I was just embarrassed. I couldn't invite someone into there. It was just, you know, I'm not a very house-proud person, generally.

I don't, you know, I'm not that bothered. Take me as I am. This is kind of my, take, I don't care how you take me, just take me.

No, I don't really, I'm not bothered. But that was beyond, that was on a different level of nastiness, kind of, it's really grotty. And I didn't want her to think that that was me that smelled like that.

So I cancelled and I didn't tell her that part. So she didn't like me after that. But I liked her, I wanted to sort of meet up with her, but it was just, it's hard when you haven't got your own place.

I do now, but I didn't then. So I think if I'd have gone up to Scotland, I think the best thing would have been, it was kind of an impossibility financially to do that. I mean, just getting there, I couldn't afford the travel.

Because Scotland, from the south of England, is a lot of money on a train. I think it was about 70, 80 pounds, something like that. And I really needed to get into a hotel, a cheap bed and breakfast or something like that.

And then met up with her, gone for a meal, gone for a drink, and got to know each other, see whether we liked being in the same country, basically. And that seems to, in most situations, I imagine that would be the best way to do it. Because if they say, if I went to Canada or Mexico or Norway, various Australia, New Zealand, different places to meet up with someone that I've become friends with online.

And if there was sort of a romantic thing, possibility there, the pressure, imagine turning up and like, just walking in with your bag, me walking in with me rucksack full of all my clothes. Yeah, I've moved in now. Here I am.

Which, where's the bedroom? Which side of the bedroom am I going to be sleeping? Right, okay. Now, I need a poo. Where's, where's the toilet? Okay.

Right, good. So, I hope you don't mind, I leave the door open when I'm doing a poo because well, I grew up like that. And I was never, I locked myself in the bathroom once when I was a kid.

My dad had to unscrew the whole door and take it off. And ever since then, you weren't allowed to lock the bed, the bathroom door. And I've just carried it on into adulthood.

It's okay. Ask my dad if you want, phone him up. I'll put him on Skype.

I normally talk to him when I'm on the toilet anyway. So if you want to have a, come and have a chat. It might be a bit too much.

A bit of a pressure, I'm looking for mean. Mean, m-e-a-n-a-m-a-m-a-m-a. I'll start singing there.

Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga. mean.

There's another word. I can't find it. I will find it though, because I never give up, apart from when I do give up.

The rest of the time I don't. I think it's, you know, you might have lost a battle, but you haven't lost a war. I'm kind of a bit like that with giving up on stuff.

I do give up on stuff, but I don't ultimately give up. I just maybe take a break for a few years. Okay, I'll put mean to later.

I'll do the rest. So let's go for swing. Swing.

Who likes to swing? I used to like it. I found that quick enough. I remember when I was a kid, I was on a swing and we, we went all the way around, you know, all the way around the big bar.

I think my brother was pushing me and yeah, I ended up getting stuck. I'm still there. I'm still there waiting to get freed.

Square. Where's square? Got that straight enough. Square and costume.

Costume. Costume. Consume.

It's not costume. It's consume. See, I'm looking for costume.

And then I found a word which says consume and I look back. I personally think they did say costume and they're messing with me. So now see, and they're being mean, being mean to me because I can't find the word mean.

Mean. Where is it? Come on. Wow.

It's really weird. How can I not find that word? Mean. Come on, mate.

Come on. Come on, baby. Give me some sugar.

Mean. Mean you are. Mean.

I found it. Yeah. So that's good.

I'm glad we can share in these moments. These moments of ultimate pleasure. Pleasure and wonderfulness.

Don't you know? Something special isn't there about being able to just be together and not have any prior conceptions or judgments about the person. You just think, well, yeah, just see how they are. And this is like having a date with me because this is what I would be doing.

I'd be looking at my phone doing a word search. Ranch. Ranch.

This is number, this is level 15. Level 15. So ranch.

There seems to be more words. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. There's not though. Ranch.

Ranch. Ranch. Ranch.

Got that straight away. Well, not straight away, but as soon as I found it, sight. Got that.

Hockey. Hockey. Hockey.

I'm sure they put some words down that look similar to hockey, but it isn't. They've got football and cricket. No, they haven't.

Hockey. Where are you? Hockey. Got it.

Got it. Did I ever tell you about hockey? It's a little drink there. I got banned from playing hockey because someone hit me with a hockey stick in the shin during a tackle or something.

And I started chasing them around the field, trying to hit them with a stick, which after 40 years, not four years, 35 years, 37 years maybe, and many years of counselling, I realised was the correct thing to do. Very much so. Justice.

It was justice. Instant justice. He hit me with a stick.

I hit him back. Except I wasn't aiming for his shin. Justice, which is why it's called justice.

Chord. Chord. That's a different word altogether.

Colour. Colour. Yeah, got that.

That's different. That's further up. Care.

Care is on there as well. I find the words I don't need again. Doll.

Again, I didn't need that, but it was on there. Tide. That was on there.

So Chord is the one I need. So look, where is it? Chord. Got it.

So I've completed level 15. Thank you for joining me. It's been a wonderful experience.

Never quite felt the closeness that we do now. It's almost existential. It definitely has a bit of a stench to it.

Right, I'm waiting for this advert to end and then I can... Word... Okay, so many adverts. Level 16. Right, so this is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Nine words to find.

The first one is clue. Here's something you might not know about me. I used to be a detective.

Clue. Select. I used to be a private investigator.

Lifetime. Found that. Wasn't even looking for it, but that's further down, but got that.

Select is the next one. I used to be... I got that quite quickly. When I was at school, tongue.

It's just that literally just jumped out at me. It's almost like I sat on it. I was just like, there it was.

Tongue. Asset. But I don't want that.

I want rock. Rock's the next one. Solar.

Scholar. Don't need that, but it's on there. I do need it, but wasn't the one I was looking for.

Oh man, it's just too easy. Planet comes up. So that's on there.

Gift. So I need rock. Yeah, I was... When I was at school, I think I was probably in the first year of high school, so 11.

And me and some friends who were way more intelligent than me, shall I add, for some reason, they allowed me to be in their group and to be a private investigator like them. And I loved it because rock. There was something... I'll tell you what it is.

There was something about being around intelligent people. Asset. And these were... I'll tell you how it worked, basically.

In the first year, I was in the middle group. So the word, it's a word of a bird. I can't remember what it was, but I was in the middle, right in the middle.

So I wasn't at the top, I wasn't at the bottom, when I very first started in the first year. And I've forgotten the word. I used to know it.

I could find it if I went through a bird book. Not parrot. Osprey.

That's it. Osprey. C-O-S-P-R-E-Y.

I think O is the top. S-P-O-S-P-R-E-Y. So O is R. So O-S-P-R-E-Y.

So I was kind of... To me, that's the middle. I suppose lower middle maybe, but it's, you know, it's four down and six, or it's three up out of six, which is halfway, isn't it? I think that was it, unless it was... E was the top, but I don't think I'm actually pretty sure. O-S-P-R-E-Y.

Osprey. Y was the bottom class. Quite a cruel way to do it, actually, but I don't know if they do that anymore, but it was definitely the way they did it then in my school.

And I think it's because they couldn't figure out what I was. I mean, I'd been to the, you know, I'd been examined by the alien autopsy people. They couldn't figure out what I was.

So they just put me into human school, hoped for the best. And gift. Where's gift? I was a gift.

My mum was always saying I was special. Didn't know what it meant till I was older. Gift found it.

Good. E. I've completed level 16. And gradually the class started to spread out.

So I was in a class with people that were also in higher classes for other stuff. So my form was D. E-O-S-P-R-E. O-S-P.

O-S-P-R-E-Y. So I was an R. But I used to sit at the back. I used to sit with some kids, cutler kids, that were way more intelligent than me, were higher up academically, really.

For some reason, they weren't in the top class, but they were in other subjects. So they were different classes for maths. That was my home place.

It was the home room, the registry room that we all went to every day. So they'd go into the top class of maths, science, all that stuff. And then I think I was in the same class as them for English for the first year.

And then they moved up to a higher class. They might have even been in a higher class for English. I don't know.

I was in the average class of maths at the very beginning. And then I got moved to the lowest class for maths after probably a term, maybe a little bit longer. The first term, we had a teacher called Mr. Johnson.

Big, cuddly. I didn't cuddle him, but he was a big, cuddly man. Big beard, beautiful, really nice man.

Really, I've got real nice, certainly a lot of nice things today. I really got to stop this. But he was lovely.

And I didn't always have great experiences with teachers. What are you doing? Level 17. Okay.

Nothing but adverts on this thing. Anyway, he got ill and he left. And then after that, we had substitute teachers, which meant I could get away with not doing anything without them really knowing.

And I think we, well, not just me, but the other kids, caused quite a few of the substitute teachers to give up teaching. And yeah, it's a bit weird. But then once they found out that I wasn't, well, they basically, I'm not sure how it worked, but they moved me anyway.

Physically, they moved me. And they moved me into this room, which was above the stairs. So the maths room was the original maths room, which actually ended up being my form room later on, when I actually left school the last year or two.

But before that, I, yeah, I'm not sure what my first form room was. I think it was the English room, which was connected to the library. And there was a lady that was a teacher that was in the next classroom.

And she used to walk through the library and sometimes walk through the room. And I still love her. Even though she's probably about 70 now, I still love her.

And I forgot all about her just now. But now I remember I love her. Absolutely.

Wasn't a big fan of the teacher that I had. And he, anyway, I got moved to this room, which was above the stairs. It wasn't underneath the stairs, which is good.

And that was reserved for being at home. But it was above the stairs, and there was this big playroom with toys and stuff, which didn't really make sense for, because we weren't kids. Well, we were, but we weren't at junior school anymore.

You know, there was board games, there was all kinds of stuff. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I had no idea what it was.

But I was in there with a bunch of other kids who were very unruly, refused to do anything, perhaps aggressive, you know, whatever. And some of which I've been to school with previously, you know, my junior school. Some that I'd never met before.

So I got to know that whole collection of people that were not the misfits, but just the naughty boys, the naughty ones. Not the only naughty ones, there was other naughty ones that got away with it. But these were naughty ones that really refused to play ball.

And I was in with them. But just for maths, not for anything else. English, I carried on with English, didn't do any work there.

I was carried on in science, didn't do any work there either. Carried on with geography, didn't learn anything, put no effort into geography. Well, I just dropped my phone on the floor.

And what other things? RE, I learned stuff in RE. I don't know why. I genuinely do not know why.

Well, I do know why, but I don't know why. The two teachers I had in RE throughout my school were both lovely, very nice to me, kind. And I just seen a picture from Rhianna on Facebook.

And, you know, you get one of those wow moments. It's like, wow, wow, wow. Almost like if you put together, it's like, do you remember that film? Is it something science where they put, these kids put together pictures of a woman to make that perfect woman.

That's kind of what happened with this picture of Rhianna. Wow. So that's enough perviness.

Right back to reality. And wow. So yeah, I was in this RE, the first RE teacher, religious education teacher, who gave me or lent me anyway, a copy of, it was Joseph and his Technicolor dream coat, raincoat, dream coat.

And the original album, the original version, because this was in 1981. So it's a long time ago. And he lent it to me.

And I loved it. I absolutely loved it. So he, I got on really well with him.

I don't know why, I just did. And then the lady that took over from him, she might not have took over from him, but she just might have been another RE teacher who I had in the last three years or two or three years. And she was, I think like Indian descent.

She was lovely. Really, really, I really liked her. She introduced me to stuff that I didn't really know about before.

And so I got more into the religious, but also the spiritual, the occult and all kinds of just, I don't know, I just found it all very interesting. I got completely obsessed with the occult, to be fair. I did, especially things like witches and vampires and werewolves and all that stuff.

I mean, when I say I got obsessed, I would spend my weekends, my Saturday in the library researching. Seriously, I was that into it. That's what happens sometimes.

And so yeah, I got into all that stuff. Cookery, I think I did cookery because my family thought I liked it, but I didn't. It's just what were the options? In the last two years of school, I had to choose lessons to do my, we didn't have GCSEs back then.

It was CSEs or O levels or even City and Guilds, which was what I did for maths because I wasn't even at a level to even do CSE in maths. And I still failed. I failed every single exam I did.

And of course, I don't put that on my CV, but I've made up for it with a degree, I think. So that's a bit higher than an O level. However, I didn't put any effort into any of the exams or even the studying or anything at all, which was kind of, I wish I had.

I wish I had, I do. I think it would have, yeah, my life would have been different if I'd actually done the exams, taken it all seriously and did it. But I just didn't.

And yeah, Geography, RE, RE was okay. I didn't mind RE, but it was the only lesson I didn't mind. English even, I didn't enjoy because it was just, yeah, I didn't really enjoy it.

I didn't mind it. And, you know, the ideas, trying to write and trying to, I think I kind of kept up with the English and I could be quite creative when I needed to be so I could make stuff up on the spot. But yeah, I liked reading, but just in my own time and the stuff that I wanted to read, not what other people told me I should read.

But anyway, this detective agency that I was in with my friends, the intelligent ones, there is, I think there was two or three of us and they invited me to join, which I couldn't believe. And how it worked is at school, we used to do like learn, they taught me how to do codes and how to write in code, not like computer code, but, you know, a code where you sort of, at every, whatever word you use, you'd have to look on a graph and it would have a, you'd have to go three words, three letters ahead for each word so you could find out what the word was or it'd be backwards or it'd be back to front or, you know, whatever.

And which technically is quite a complicated mathematical formula in some ways, but I loved it.

Just don't mention the word maths and I can do it, you know, but I used to have, and I used to use the mathematics textbook and the, not textbook, the book you write in yourself. And I used to use that to do loads and loads of different versions of codes that I would just call create of my own. And it's kind of infinite, it's an infinite thing, but you have to know, everyone has to know what the codes are.

So everyone needed to know. So you could say this is code 15. So then they could look in their code book, but you could get secret agent code books, sort of, you know, that were published.

So it was, you know, for kids, it's just a kid thing, but it was a lot of fun. And then you used to sort of take it a little bit further and sometimes I'd take on the role of the riddler, Batman, and I'd do riddles and I'd hide stuff different places and we'd always sort of search for stuff. So it was quite a more in school kind of play in really.

But then we used to meet outside of school sometimes and then invite me around. My friend, he lived around the corner from me. And I remember one, it was Christmas, it must have been Christmas 1981.

And we were running around with little guns, like, you know, like cat guns that just went bang. They didn't go bang, they made the noise. I wasn't like a little man inside going bang.

But it was just really good fun. And it was very different. It was very nice to be around.

I know it sounds weird, but just being around people that were really, they were nice, but they're intelligent, really intelligent kids. And after the first year, they went on to be like the top, all the top lessons. And I don't know how they ended up being in my class to start with.

And they went on to, in the middle, they should have been in the top to start with, I think. But apparently, O, S, P, R, E, O, S, P, O, S, P and R were level. That's what we were told.

O, S, P, R, E, Y. So O, S, the top, O being top, S being the second of the top, P and R were supposed to be equal, E and Y, Y was supposed to be the lowest one. Now, in maths, I was in Y, actually below Y, really. Realistically, I don't know why I wasn't in Y from the start.

It had to be, I think they got rid of it after a couple of years. I don't think they kept, I'm pretty sure they just got rid of the whole, that system. But again, I might be wrong.

I might have made that bit up. It's unlike me making things up. No, I wouldn't do a thing like that.

Yes, yes, I would. Oh, someone left a message. So Rachel Elizabeth wrote, you really helped me loads.

Thanks, JJ. And it's at number 379, Let Me Bore You To Sleep on the 80th of April. So she just posted that just now, posted it on my Spreaker thing.

Oh, thank you, Ray Ray, Rachy Rachy. So, yeah, we, I'd go, I remember Christmas 1981. It was like the Christmas period beforehand.

And, and Christmas. And we went in, there was this shop. What was it called? Girlin's or something.

It was, but it was really brilliant toy shop. Like old fashioned, but big. Everything was old fashioned.

You think it was the 80s, wasn't it? But I think it was like quite old fashioned even then. And I think there's, yeah, it's not there anymore. Not for a long, long time.

But it was big. And there was also trains, you know, like toy train sets and like proper Corgi, not Corgi, Hornby, Hornby trains and big old thing. And at Christmas, they'd have a Father Christmas in there.

That's Santa Claus for those that don't know the correct term. Father Christmas would be there and he'd go in there, sit on his lap and he'd give you a present. And it was good because, to be fair, he did that all year round, but it just didn't, he got away with it at Christmas.

And he got paid for it as well. And it was really nice because this whole place was, it was the most Christmassy shop that there was in town. And we went in there.

I just remember Christmas there and I remember going up to my friend's house and all his family were like really musical. There was a piano. I think he played the, what's that big violin that you lean up against on the floor? Something like that.

He played one of those. And his room was right at the top of the house. It was kind of a similar house to the one I had, about the same kind of size, I guess.

So he was right at the top and he had an office. It was like an office in there. I'm not saying he had a filing cabinet or a secretary, but he did.

And he, I was the secretary, but he, I just wanted to be part of that. He was so organised and I really liked him. And he said I've got some bad news for you.

I said, are you pregnant? He said, no. Why would you, why? I said, I don't know. I said, okay, what's the news? He said, we're moving away after Christmas.

We're moving. Your parents sold the house and we're moving to a different part of the country. I said, well, at least you're not pregnant.

He said, what? I said, don't worry about it. I thought it'd be funny to say. He said, yeah, but you said it twice.

It might be mildly humorous the first time, second time, a bit repetitive. I said, I'm not going to miss you at all. He said, I don't care.

I said, do you have to go? He said, yeah. I said, why? He said, because I'm 12. I don't have a say really in anything.

And, you know, I just felt like I was part of something, something, I mean, you know, realistically unimportant, but it's still just, I don't know, there's probably something nice to be around people that are cleverer than me. If, I don't know, maybe it felt nice, but they weren't talking down to me or making fun of me. Well, not to my face anyway, unless they were making fun of me and I didn't realise it.

Because I'm sort of dumb, you know, but I don't know. It's a shame I liked him and he moved away. Of course, we kept contact for a while, spoke on the phone, Skyped sometimes, be on the phone, you hang up.

No, you hang up. You hang up first. I can't believe he's hung up.

Oi, why are you bringing me back? I'm bringing you back because you hung up. Why did you hang up? Why did you hang up? You said hang up. Yeah, I didn't really mean it.

I miss you. He said, this is getting weird now. I said, what do you mean? He said, well, that's why we moved.

I said, what? Because of you, we moved because of you, because of your strangeness. No. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Well, Merry Christmas to you. He said something to me after that, which I'll never forget.

He said, Jason, it's July. Kids can be so cruel. So yeah, I think that's probably enough for me.

This is one of the longest ones that I've ever, what was I going to say, had in my mouth, I mean, talked, longest chats that I've done. It's the longest and it feels quite nice. I think I'm going to save Rihanna's picture, I think, stick it on my wall.

Oh, Rachel Palmer. She's got a picture of a little baby. He's got food on his nose.

It's so cute. What is it about babies and their eyes? Don't babies have the most beautiful eyes? I mean, every single baby, their eyes are just phenomenally beautiful. Hey baby, where'd you go, my darling? I can't find Rihanna's iris.

How do I save a picture? Copy photo. Oh no. Save photo.

Save photo. Please allow photo access. Allows you to share photos from the library and save photos to your camera roll.

Okay. Facebook like to access your photos. Okay.

Photo saved. Good. I think I might use that on a screen saver.

There's nothing creepy about what I'm doing. There isn't. It's normal behaviour.

Rachel sent a voicemail message. Is the latest podcast uploaded yet? Really need it. Stop, Rachel.

If you're listening to this now, stop being so impatient. Stop it. Stop, stop, stop.

Rachel. Rachel. No.

Behave. Behave. I know how to talk to women.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. So, probably the end of this. I could talk for hours.

It's weird. I literally have. I got a message from Georgie as well.

Oh yeah, she just said hi, Georgie. Hi, Georgie. How you doing, Georgie? Georgie.

Wow. If you know, if you don't know me by now, you will never, ever, never know me. If you don't know me by now, you will never, ever, ever know me.

Of all the things we've been through, you don't understand me the way I understand you. Girl, I know the difference between right and wrong. There's nothing in it that can break up our happy home.

Girl, don't get so excited. I want to get home a little late. At night.

Cause you're only there when we argue, fuss, and fight. If you don't know me by now, you will never, ever, ever know me. Never know me.

No. If you don't know me by now, ooh. Of all the things that we've been through, you don't understand me the way I understand you.

Girl, I know the difference. Bing bong, bing bong, bing. I'm gonna stop now.

I shall stop. I'm so sorry. I didn't know how wise I completely forgot myself temporarily.

Very much so. Temporarily forgot myself. But it's okay.

I'm back now. Everything, everything's back. I'm back.

I really am. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

You may wonder what I'm doing. And I don't know. Move.

For what? All these adverts on my felon. He's come on. Must be kerneled outside.

So yeah, that's it. This is the recording. I should tell you about the stats, cause I know you love hearing about it.

The stats have been going quite well. In the last 10 days, I've only had one day that's been below 4,000 downloads in a day. And most have been, the lowest one was like 4,200, highest 4,900.

So yeah, I'm quite pleased. I'm quite pleased. I'm quite pleased.

Yes, yes, I am. So that's it. Thank you very much for being part of this wonderful experiment.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.