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Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.
And just like to say a big thank you to Susan. And it's a big shout out there for Susan. And also hope you're all well.
Hope that those of you that are going through some stuff are managing okay and you know sending love to you all. I should just get on with the recording or whatever it is. Kraftwerk co-founder.
Died at 74. Kraftwerk. Is that an 80s band was it? She's looking good.
Was that them that did that one? I don't know. Might not be. So I'm just looking at the... I've got the news on the telly but it's on mute.
Boris Johnson's on there with his hair. My PPE equipment arrived. My balaclava.
So I've got a black balaclava. And it's not like the old SAS slash bank robber bank balaclava. It's a bit more trendier.
It's more like something that you'd wear under a motorcycle helmet. If you had a motorcycle helmet and a motorcycle and a motorcycle license I guess. And somewhere to store the motorcycle.
If I had a motorbike around here it'd just get stolen probably. Morsemoney. Oh man.
Also got some gloves and they are... they're quite cool gloves. Now they're not the ones that are used by nurses or anything. They're not plastic.
Or latex or whatever. Put it this way. If I'm walking along the road no one's going to think that I'm trying to do a prostate exam on them.
They're not that kind of glove. And it said on the description there's 12 pairs in the pack. I've used one pair today.
And as I said, useless for prostate exams. And they're white so exactly the wrong color. But they said on the description that they were more for people that touch jewelry.
Not the crown jewels but jewelry sort of so that you... I guess if you worked in a jeweler's shop you could pick stuff up without marking it or leaving any fingerprints. That kind of stuff. But what I realized as I was wearing them is what I really looked like was the person, you know snooker tournaments, and the man.
I don't know if he's the referee or the umpire. I don't know what it's called. But he takes the balls out of the pockets and he just cleans the balls with his gloves and puts the ball back on the table.
They're the gloves. I think they're the exact same gloves. I mean not... I'm talking about they're not the exact same gloves that have been worn by the referees of snooker games on television.
But that's what they look like. He said, yeah. He said, I went out today or yesterday.
Yesterday. Yesterday I went. So I got the delivery early and I phoned up the doctor, the doctors, to try and get my prescription changed over because adepico is... it needs to be changed to the generic sodium alprate or whatever it's called.
But again, the doctor didn't answer. It's hard getting through to them. And I phoned the chemist and they said, no, it's not been updated yet.
But you have got the other prescriptions, the other, you know, bits on there. So I thought, okay, I'll just go and collect them. Then I'll go to Iceland and get some food.
Just a bit of stuff, the sandwiches and, you know, some margarine, some bread, some tea cakes. I haven't had any tea cakes for ages. Anyway, I leave off about, it was... I get to the bus stop just before four o'clock and the bus is supposed to be there about four.
And it didn't get there at four. And I was waiting and waiting and waiting. And eventually I think quarter to five, I don't know.
Anyway, it turned up eventually. What was it? Half past three. No, that's it.
I think I got there at half past three. And then the bus didn't turn up till gone half four, something like that. So I was waiting for a long time.
And no, I got there at 10 o'clock in the morning and I arrived at 11 at night. Yeah, that's about... It was a long wait. And I just thought, oh, I didn't know if it was going to turn up.
Is it going to come? Is it going to come? I'm waiting here, the only person there. So I've got my gloves, my little white gloves on. I've got my balaclava on, but I've got it off my head.
So it's more like a scarf. And I've got my face uncovered when I'm outside. But I can just pull up the bit over my mouth and nose when sort of I'm near anyone.
And I've got my headphones on. So I'm listening to some music. And I'm waiting and I'm waiting and I'm waiting.
So I've got these gloves on. I've got this, it looks like a scarf, but it's not. But that's just the way it looks when it's not on the head.
It's thermal, which is not ideal on a nice hot day, which it was. And I'm just seeing people walking past with shorts on, t-shirts, basically just enjoying the summer. Just walking past me, not actually past me on my side of the road.
But just I'm thinking, I felt a little bit silly, me standing there, all kind of protected. I mean, you know, I wasn't completely protected. I didn't have everything covered.
But because I wear glasses, my eyes should be covered. I mean, covered, they are covered. They should be protected, you know, pretty well.
It's like when it's windy, you know, if you don't wear glasses and it's windy, you can get bits of sand and stuff in your eyes. I don't know why I mentioned that. Yes, that was really boring.
That was even more boring, too boring for me. You know that if it's windy, you get dust in your eyes, but if you wear glasses, you're less likely to. Oh, thanks for that.
Wait a minute, let me write that down. That's the best information I've ever received. Thank you.
Well worth the admission cost. Wow. So basically, I sat there, I'm waiting, I'm waiting and I'm waiting, leaning against whatever it is, I don't know, lamppost, and then walking back and checking the bus timetable, just in case.
It's been changed since I last looked. Walked up to the end of the road, realizing that if I walk back, if I don't see the bus, it'll just drive right past me. So I'm walking backwards, hoping that I don't trip up.
And then I end up putting my foot in almost like a pothole in the pavement. And I start pretending to do stretches, to see if that will fall over. So I'm pretending I was not meaning to do it.
And then I go back and I lean against the lamppost again. And away around, I see people, a couple walking their dog. It looks like they were going to walk down my part of the pavement, but decided to make a left instead.
I saw some people cycling by, couple of people just walking past, a young female with an old, not elderly, but older female walking. And yeah, saw a few people, it was quiet. I'd actually say there's probably no less people out than there would be normally walking around in this weather.
Well, I might be wrong, but it seemed quite, you know, people seem to be just doing their own thing, as was I. So I'm waiting for the bus, waiting for the bus. Eventually it came. And so I had my headphones on.
I pulled my balaclava thing above, over my face, but I didn't put the whole thing on my head. And, or I might have done. Yeah, I think I actually, no, I didn't.
No, I didn't, because I had my, I had my headphones on. So I wouldn't be able to listen to the headphones if I'd had the hoodie on. It was not a hoodie, but the balaclava over my head.
So I wanted to continue listening to music. So I sit down near the, I sit down at the front of the bus, because there's nobody on the bus, but the bus driver. I mean, that was lucky he was there, otherwise that'd be the end of the story really, wouldn't it? And then I thought, no, I won't sit at the front.
I'll sit at the back in case, because the way I'm figuring it is the buses, the trains, the pavements, they're going to start getting busier. They have done over the last few weeks. More and more people are going out than were before.
It's just, I think it's the gradual, natural way of things. So there were more people on the bus that did get on, but only a couple. There's the first, the last couple of times I went on a bus, which was a month ago, I think, three weeks ago, there was no one on the bus.
Every time I saw a bus, didn't see no one on it. And one of the people was on the way to work, because he was going to Sainsbury's, because he had the Sainsbury's uniform on. Either that or he wasn't going to Sainsbury's, and he had the Sainsbury's uniform on, but he was getting off just near Sainsbury's.
That could be the case, but I'm just putting, I'm assuming. And so he got on first, and he sat right at the, he sat near the middle, or near the front-ish. And then another bloke got on, and he sat two seats ahead of me, in front of me, on my side.
And in all fairness, I don't think he could have sat anywhere that wasn't near me. It was, or not near me, but he was, either he would have been close, closer to the other bloke, or closer to me. So what I did is I moved right to the back of the bus, on the opposite side, and I made sure I made lots of huffing sounds.
I didn't, I didn't. This, you know, after paying that money out, I mean, this PPE stuff, this, the gloves, the balaclava, and the face masks that haven't come through yet, the clinical surgical face masks, that cost me £40. So I've invested money in this stuff.
So I want to, I want to be able to, I don't know, just, well, if I'm going to wear it, I might as well do everything else as well. But it doesn't seem like a point of me putting this stuff on and then just go and sit in on his lap. You know what I mean? Just... So we got, I got where I was going.
It's only a short journey on a bus. It's an hour walking, but it's 10 minutes on the bus, even less when there's no stops, you know, because hardly anybody, it only stopped twice for people to get on. Normally, the bus would stop maybe five, six times, seven times.
So yeah, it's just a really quick journey. I went to the chemist, I waved, I got off the bus. There's only one man left, and I kind of made sure I turned my back on him just to let him know that he shouldn't sit so close.
I just didn't want to go anywhere near anybody. So I'm just like sliding through, sliding underneath the chairs, just trying to avoid anyone. And the bus driver starts to drive off and I said, well, wait, wait.
He said, who said that? I said, it's me. Then you hear the buzzer. He said, I heard the buzzer, but I can't see anyone.
I said, it's me. Look, you see my hand, look. He said, what are you doing underneath the chairs? I'm stuck.
He said, why did you even attempt to do that? I mean, haven't you seen your belly? I said, yeah, well, I've seen my belly. I haven't seen anything underneath my belly for years, but I can see my belly. And he laughed.
He said, are you talking about your willy? I said, no, my feet. He said, are you talking about your feet? I said, can you help me, please? So he unscrewed all the chairs and got the fire brigade out. So there's lots of Vaseline got me out.
And that was good. And then I got off and I waved my hand. I didn't even wave my hand.
I mean, I just didn't grab my hand and start waving it. I just waved with one arm to say goodbye because I had my headphones on. So I didn't want to be too loud.
Because sometimes if you were in headphones, you're listening to music. Sometimes the voice, your voice can be a bit like really loud. Thank you very much, Mr. Bus Driver.
So that's not always conducive to a calming, relaxing environment. So I got off the bus. There wasn't anyone waiting to get on the bus.
So I woke up, I got across the road at the zebra crossing. Never called a zebra crossing before. But it's actually called a zebra crossing.
But I know that zebra is used in some places. But the correct pronunciation is, the correct pronunciation is zebra. Not zee.
I don't care. And I got across and there's no, there's no cars. There's literally no cars.
So I don't even walk all the way to the crossing. I just walk across the road to the pharmacy, the chemist pharmacy place. And I go in there and there's a queue.
There can't be more than one, two, three, three people ahead of me. And it's me. So I've got my, I think I've actually got my balaclava up on this time.
I took the headphones out on my head. Well, they weren't inside my head, but I took them off my head. And I've got the balaclava on and I've got my face covered.
And I'm waiting and I'm waiting and I'm waiting. And it looked like they had two members of staff in the pharmacy area and other staff pouring around. And the shop was very, very quiet.
There wasn't anyone in there. Hardly at all, but there was a few, but not many. It's only, it's quite a small shop.
So I ended up looking around at things to buy. So I bought, I saw something. I thought, you know what? I was basically, I was at the aisle where the baby stuff was.
As you know, like baby's milk and all the kinds of stuff that I know very little about. And I don't even think that stuff existed when I was a kid. I think it was either tit or cow milk, I think that was it.
Didn't have, I don't think they had formula in 1970. Tit or cow. I do wonder if I was breastfed.
I don't think I was. My mum liked me as a friend. Oh dear.
And is she? Yeah, I don't know. It's not, I can't remember. I wish there'd been more pictures took of me when I was a baby.
I don't mean necessarily doing that, but that'd be a bit weird, wouldn't it? Stick that on Facebook. Here's a baby photo of me. Just tried to ignore the breast in my mouth.
Just, you know, I'm a baby though, look. It's natural, it's feeding, I'm feeding, it's food. There's nothing wrong with this picture.
Forget the fact that I'm smiling, just, I'm holding one thumb up. Not up anything, just light in the air. Just like, eee, like the Fonzie.
Yeah. I distracted myself then. What was I talking about? Yeah, so I'm waiting.
I'm waiting. And what I see, I'm getting very excited about this. Very excited.
What I see is a box that looks very, very familiar to me. Very familiar. And it's a, it's a tall box, not tall, tall, but I don't know what the, what's the correct shape? Anyway, it's a thing.
And I've got it in my hand now. Well, I have now, I didn't before, but now I have. I need two hands to hold it really.
Really. It sounds like I'm showing off, but it's called Farley's Rusks and golden baked goodness. Reduced sugar.
Now that's wrong. I don't think anything, that's, I suppose, no, reduced sugar. If I'd have seen that on it, I wouldn't have bought it.
I don't buy reduced sugar anything. Now Alpen, I love Alpen breakfast cereal. There's a few breakfast cereals that I love.
Golden Nuggets. You know, going back right away, back to childhood. Golden Nuggets, Corn Flakes, Alpen.
Alpen's more, it's not a childhood breakfast. I'm not saying that children aren't allowed to eat it. I don't think there's any laws on that one.
But I think I never had it as a child. But as an adult, when I was in my, yeah, sort of teens, late teens, twenties, thirties, you know, right the way through, I used to have Alpen. And the original Alpen with the brown box, or was it a red box? Was it red and brown? Or was it beige? Is beige, is kind of yellowy brown, isn't it? Pale.
But the original Alpen love it. But they didn't used to be called original Alpen. They just used to be called Alpen.
And then they came up with reduced sugar, or reduced salt and all that stuff. And I got very annoyed, very upset with that. Because it didn't taste the same.
And I used to like it because Alpen, you put it in, and you soak the milk in. And just thinking going back to a few times that I used to like to eat Alpen. There was one time when I was working, doing night shift in a meter factory.
I was actually living at my dad's at the time. I was just living there temporarily. And everything's temporary, isn't it? But you know, I mean, I was staying there.
And that was a good time because he was hardly ever there. I was working nights, he had a girlfriend who he's been married to for about 100 years. And so he was at her place at weekends or most weekends.
And he was at work when I was awake. And I was at work when he was asleep. And that doesn't make sense, does it? But we had two opposite shifts.
So I'd work at night, he'd work during the day. So we kind of see each other now and then, but that was it really. And I'd get home, I finished my job at six in the morning.
I'd get home by about half six and have an orange juice and a bowl of Alpen. And the good thing with Alpen is you can eat it straight away. I mean, not without milk.
It's basically dust, you know, if you don't have milk. But if you put milk in, it's nice. But if you let it soak, it just becomes nicer.
And then it gets to a point where it turns to glue. So you know, it's a fine line. And you can build a house, you could literally do some bricklaying with the stuff.
You know, you can't get it. If you don't soak the bowl, or wash the bowl up straight away after having your breakfast, you have to soak it. Otherwise, you're not going to be able to get that breakfast off.
You just have to chuck the plate away or the dish. It's just honestly, it's worse than porridge for that. So I used to have my Alpen, my orange juice.
And then I'd go to bed. So I'd have my breakfast before going to bed, which might sound a bit weird, but probably not compared to anything else that I've said in the past. And then I had these thick glass, you know, a blanket over the window, over the curtains to sort of black out the room.
Now I don't need that now. I can sleep during the day. It doesn't matter how bright it is.
It doesn't matter if the window's open, it's sunny. I can sleep easily during the day. So I have no problems with that.
Back then I couldn't. I had to have complete silence and had to have complete darkness. Not now.
I'm just, I'm never more than about 10 minutes away from being asleep. Asleep is easy, just during the daytime. I find it easier during the daytime, just me.
So that was the, I think that was the first night shift job I'd ever had. And it's then that I realized that nights are good for me. It suits me as a person, being awake.
I mean, it's, what time is it now? It's 3.58 in the morning, nearly four o'clock in the morning. And I'm, this is my, this is my time. It's brilliant.
There's no one around. It's quiet. Even Andre's asleep, surprisingly.
I can hear him going, in other words, Daddy, shut up. Will you shut up? I'm trying to sleep. I've got his cage out, the storage room, and it's in the corner of the room here.
And I decided that, for a couple of reasons, I decided to bring it out because him scratching at the door in here has prevented me from making any deep sleep whisper recordings or any relaxation recordings that, or the sleep hypnosis weekly. Because even if he does stay asleep for that period of time, I'm still wondering if he's going to wake up and it's a little bit distracting. So what I did today, I got out the cage out.
I'd already cleaned and tidied it up a couple of weeks ago, but I don't want to put him into the storage room. This doesn't, I just, I've been, I've been locked in a cupboard in the past. I don't, didn't like it.
And I don't think he, he should either. I don't want to, I don't want to lock him in a cupboard or put him in a cupboard. I just, even though it's a fairly big room, it's not a big room, but it's, for storage it is, but it's full, it's full of stuff.
And my little Andre is not storage, is he? He's not, he's not something to be stored. He's not a box. He's not just like something that I don't, that's unimportant.
He's the most important. So what I've done is I've brought the cage out. It's in the corner near the TV, but not in the way of the TV.
It's near the punch bag, but again, not in the way of the punch bag. Actually it fits there perfectly. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.
I did, I just didn't do it. I just, I've been thinking about it for weeks. I just didn't, couldn't be bothered.
And it's also the other side of the room, but nowhere near the door. The other side of the room, which means the other side of the wall is the garden shed. So basically what I did, I tested it out.
I put him in there. He weren't happy. He didn't want to be in there.
So he was rattling, rattling the cage and everything. I closed the living room door. I left the light on.
Not that that would affect him. He don't care about that. I think he sees better in the dark anyway, but it doesn't really make sense, does it? But I left the light on anyway.
I closed the living room door. I closed the kitchen door. I closed the bedroom door and I didn't even go into the shed.
I just sat on my bed and I made a deep sleep whisper recording, which lasted about 20 minutes. And I could faintly, really only faintly hear a little activity. It didn't seem to register on the recording.
I've no doubt that if he really wanted to, he could cause a fuss. You know, he has done in the past that he could really rattle that cage. In fact, he can get out if he wants to.
He's an escape artist. If he wants to get out, he will just rip through it or bite through the bars if he really wants to. He did it with the other cage I had when I was a baby.
He actually ripped, he bit around. I couldn't believe it. He was scratching at the door.
He was in the storage room in this cage, which was pretty much the size of a cage for a rabbit. And he was scratching at the door of the storage room. I'm like, what's going on? That's weird.
And it's him. He escaped. He basically ripped open the bars, ripped them apart.
And they were metal bars. Not metal as in prison bars. Not really thick like that, because obviously it's a ferret.
He'd just walk through, wouldn't he? Because he's little. He destroyed the cage. He ripped all the wood off.
And he just honestly, and that's when he was a baby. Imagine what he could do now. He's escaped through there before from the cage.
So what he does, he's only got to push one lever through. And because there's just, you know, it's hard to explain really. It's probably not hard, but I can't be bothered.
But there's a lever on either side of the door that closes. If he pushes one, he can get through and get out. And he has escaped a few times.
But that's in the past, although most things are really, aren't they? And at least 72% of things are in the past. And he hasn't been in the cage for absolutely ages. But he was in there.
And I managed to do the recording and it felt so nice. I felt relaxed. And I could just do the recording and just, it was nice.
And because, and again, I'm not showing off or any bragging or anything when I say this, but I've got different audiences. I've got different people that like different things. So I've got those that like the Let Me Boy To Sleep.
And I get quite a few people that let me know that. Plus the stats as well. But don't mention the bloody stats, Jason, stop going on about the stats.
Sorry, sorry. And the recently I've had quite a few people tell me how much they love the Deep Sleep Whisper ones. So that's a different audience.
There's a crossover. I know there's some people like, but maybe all the things I do, I don't know. But there's a I really, really like the relaxation for stress podcast, which means for me, and I had a conversation with someone today, have a conversation with someone, a few people over the last week, telling me what they like, what they like to listen to.
And usually I hear the most feedback I generally get, generally is for the Let Me Boy To Sleep. So it's nice to get feedback for the Deep Sleep ones and the relaxation for stress and the Sleep Weekly ones. So I need to start putting a bit more focus and attention on those as well, which I was a few weeks back.
But then I had my little brain fart and deleted lots of stuff and deleted. Yeah. 99% of the website was deleted.
So I had to sort of rebuild all up again, which I have nearly done. I've got all of the Deep Sleep Whisper ones on there, including the latest one today on my website, the Sleep Weekly and the Relaxation For Stress. And at this moment, I've got 371 recordings of the Let Me Bore You To Sleep.
Excuse me. And they're all available to download for free. So I'm literally 20, got 20 left to do.
So I'll do that before I go to bed, which is nice. That'll be done. It's only partly what's done.
I've still got, there's a lot more to do, but at least that's probably the most important part. And then I'll start embedding the recordings into there. And just let you know that all my podcasts you can listen to them ad-free on continuous play.
They're in the menu of the website. So if it's this one, or it's the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, or the Deep Sleep Whisper, you can just press on it and it's press on that page. And there's a playlist and you can, it just streams continuously from the top.
Or you can choose an individual recording, but all of them are in there. And you can also download bulk downloads of all of the old stuff that I did as well, different courses and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Another memory of Alpen was when I lived in that room, it was upstairs in Stratford, East London.
And it was weird. I've never lived anywhere like that before. Although I lived there for, I lived there from January 1991 until probably May, June 1994.
And yeah, it was weird. The thing is, I kind of fell out with my landlady. A couple of things happened.
And is she, we had someone move in there. And I got on really well with him. He was probably about the same age as me.
And he was a really, really nice man. And we used to stand outside smoking and just have a chat and just have a laugh. He's funny.
And he was in the next room to me because there's only two rooms upstairs. And I come home one day from work. And he's standing on the pavement with all his belongings, like black bags and stuff like that.
I said, what are you doing? He said, let's wait for my brother. I said, yeah, because his brother used to visit him regularly. And I said, what are you doing? Why is all your stuff on the pavement? And he said, oh, he explained it to me.
He basically had a seizure in the kitchen, had an epileptic fit in the kitchen. And my landlady kicked him out because I said, get out now. Not right as it was happening, but afterwards, it freaked her out, which is fair enough.
I've seen them and it is scary stuff. But she, I mean, you wouldn't be allowed to kick someone out there and then these days. But she literally just kicked him out and said, I want you out right now.
So I kind of didn't like her anymore after that, a bit. I wasn't a big fan. And then she asked me to chuck a brick through, this doesn't even sound real, does it? She asked me to chuck a brick through the children's home that was next door to where we lived because the children were being too noisy or something in the the road outside because it was a cul-de-sac.
She actually asked me to chuck a brick through the window. And not joking, just genuinely wanted me to do that. And I said, no.
And then she asked her gardener to do it because she had to be someone who used to come in once a week to the garden because she was disabled, so she couldn't really get around. And she had to have someone come and do the garden. And she asked him to do it.
And he said no. So she sacked him. I think she was shouting at him and stuff.
And I was like, yeah, you could at least do that. And then she sent me to the vets with her cat to have the cat put down. But she didn't tell me.
That was the reason that I was taking the cat to the vets. And there was nothing wrong with the cat. It couldn't be dealt with like medication and stuff.
So a few little things kind of started not really. And she'd ran in a rave. It was weird.
She had some issues. When I first moved in there, I got on really well with her. And I was 20 and she was 152, I think, back then.
And I just got on okay with her. And then this man moved in and became her bestest friend in the whole wide world. And he started trying to give me a hard time.
And just, they kind of started ganging up on me a little bit. I don't like this. So I'd had enough.
So what I did is, I decided to move out and just not give her any notice, because the same way she didn't with my friend. And I went and stayed with my friend, Kev. I just moved out.
But what I did, and I'm not proud of this bit, but this is what I did, because I was a proper coward. I was a bit scared of her, really. And I moved all my belongings.
I put them into black bags. And I phoned a taxi from her phone. I didn't have mobile phones back then.
Or I might have gone around to the phone and phoned for a cab. No, I probably didn't do that. I probably did it from her phone.
I waited till she was on the toilet to do this. Again, this might sound a bit weird. But I was only young.
I was only 38 at the time. And I wasn't. I was 23.
23. Still not really an excuse. But it's not really that young, is it? At 23, I think my nan had had her 14 children by then.
And I just, I knew she was going to be a while. And I didn't, it was a little bit like a bank job, you know, where they're like, when someone's trying to escape from prison, or they're about to rob an art gallery, and they click and count how many steps a security guard takes to get to do their parole, their patrol, you know, around the security guard going through the different galleries, the paintings and the statues and the, I don't know, the shop where they sell stuff. And it's like, okay, well, it takes 15 minutes.
So that's how long we've got to get in and steal that thing. It was a little bit like that, except it was her on a toilet. So I can't count how many toilet roll.
No, I didn't. I just knew, I kind of had an idea that she'd be there for a while. I mean, maybe the prune juice that I gave her helped.
But no, I didn't give her prune juice. So I literally, in the time, in the time it took her to go to the toilet, I packed up all of my belongings into black bags, moved them all outside. And I had hundreds of books at this point as well.
It was mainly books and the rest was just some clothes. And that was it. And bedding, I guess.
I didn't have any furniture. I didn't own anything like that. A few, not CDs, a few tapes.
CDs, didn't have CDs back then. I didn't have CDs back then. And I moved all the stuff outside, phoned for a taxi and then waited for the taxi.
Packed all the stuff up. This was in the evening as well. And I drove around my friends and I said, that's when it dawned on me.
I got out of the taxi, took all the stuff and put it near my friend's front door. And then I thought, well, what if he doesn't let me stay here? And what if this is the wrong house? There's always a chance. I don't think I've ever been there sober before.
So I was kind of like, well, I hope this is the right place. Let's have a little drink. And he opened the door, looked at me and my 12 black bin bags.
And I can honestly say, I've known him for quite a while. I've known him since 91. So 2001, 2011, 2021.
So yeah, 29 years I've known him. I can honestly say it's not the happiest I've ever seen him. The expression on his face when he saw me with my 14 bags of belongings.
And I remember him saying, why have you got 18 black bags with you on the floor? I said, well, I've moved out. Can I come and live with you? And I'm guessing, but I think I might have put him under a little bit of pressure. I must have been given the impression that he liked the idea of me living there.
But we talked about it afterwards and even years later. And neither of us could come up with a scenario where that was even discussed. You know, neither of us could come up with a, how did I come up with the idea that he wanted me to move in? But move in I did.
And there was a room downstairs, because that's where Andre used to sleep. But he moved in with someone else, with another friend, who I eventually moved into that place. And I ended up sleeping in Andre's bed again.
It's weird that, isn't it? So I slept in Andre's bed after he moved out. And then when I moved to the other place, Andre got kicked out of his bed, because he wasn't paying any rent to live there. So he slept on the sofa downstairs.
I was paying rent, so I was given a bedroom. Well, I didn't kick him out of his bedroom, but you know. So basically, I slept in two of Andre's beds, or three, if you include the one in Ireland.
But that was only, no, that wasn't actually his bed. That was his sister's bed. When I first moved to Ireland, we stayed with his sister overnight, and me and him stayed in bed together.
And he was trying to wrestle me, which I found a bit weird. I remember him saying, I sort of thought, this is strange. I said to him, Andre, what's up with all this wrestling stuff? Can't we just make love? No, I didn't.
I said, what are you doing? And he said, wrestle me, or I'll take my socks off. And I said, okay, do anything you want, just don't take your socks off. Stinkiest thing in the world.
But, you know, it was weird. But it was against my best friend, so I didn't care. It was quiet.
I'm not one to really sleep with anybody. I don't, generally, don't feel very comfortable. It'd take a lot of getting used to, to sleep with someone.
There's been a couple of people that I liked sleeping with, like girlfriends. There was someone, 95, who I very much like sleeping with. I'm talking about sleeping.
I felt very comfortable with her. And there was another, 1996, a girlfriend. These are both two, my actual girlfriends, at different times.
And I liked her because she was very quiet when she slept. And she slept soundly, like really. And it's just, yeah, something perfect about her when she was asleep, when I wasn't being told off.
Who else? Anyway, I'm not going to go through different people. But the last person I was with was lovely. I couldn't get no sleep.
I was, honestly, it was, the heat that was coming out of my body was ridiculous. I've never known anything like it. I was absolutely burning up.
I wasn't ill. I was just, honestly, never. It felt like there was a radiator underneath the bed on full heat.
That's what it felt like. So I was laying there, completely naked with the windows open, trying to cool off. Never.
Well, I might have experienced that before, but I don't remember. But I used to have, I used to have Alpen in this place, the place that I used to live before I moved out when my landlady was on the toilet. Sounds bad, really, doesn't it? But I didn't mean it in a, from my perspective, it was just cowardice.
I'll agree, I'll admit to that. I was scared. I mean, because she just, I didn't know what she would do.
She'd be very, very aggressive. So I just ran for it. But I had to get out of there.
I had a dream that I visited her. And I actually did call her to see how she was. And she started shouting at me down the phone.
So I kind of called to apologize. Sorry that I left it that way. But I think I wasn't in a good state.
My brain was a bit weird at the time as well. And I just sort of, it's not something that I would normally do, although I have done it many times before. But usually, yeah, I've left places before.
I got used to it, I think, up to that point. So especially in my teens, from sort of 17, 16 onwards, I was able to pack up my stuff in about 15 minutes and be out of a place, move out. I was always ready to move.
And even if it meant leaving stuff, I've left. Even when I moved here, it was really weird. And I don't know why I did it.
Not why I moved here, but this was an opportunity of a lifetime. That's what I thought. And even though I had booked a delivery lorry, not a big lorry, but you know, a van, a big van to help me to move, I still ended up giving my stuff away before moving.
So I had an electric guitar. It wasn't expensive. One is probably £100 or something, but I gave it to one of my neighbours.
My punch bag, which was a stand-up punch bag, I think I just trashed it. Why didn't I bring it with me? Why didn't I bring the guitar with me? It's like I had a delivery van coming. I could have brought all this.
I had weights I chucked out. So I've ended up buying another punch bag and re-buying the weights, you know, a few years back that was. It's a different punch bag.
This one's on the wall rather than a stand-up one. A stand-up one would be no good in here because it'd just rattle the floor. I could probably have it outside or, you know, something would even drag it to the park, maybe, I don't know, which would be a bit weird.
But it's really, yeah, but now I kind of think I'm not going to have to do that again. I won't do that again. I'm not going to pack all my stuff up in a black bag or a few black bags and run off because there's nowhere else to go now.
This is, yeah, in some ways I suppose it feels quite nice because this whole place is built around these recordings that I do. It's built around Andre. You know, I've got things that I like, like my punch bag, and I don't know, I just like punching it.
It's quite handy for that. And I've got space and I'm not staying in the same room as my bed like I did for so many years. I don't go into the bedroom unless I'm going to sleep or if I'm going to make a recording.
Well, of course, I've got my shed. I'm going to be using that more in the future as well to make recordings. So it's kind of, it's sort of worked out already.
It's working out okay over time, over time, over time. But the Alpen, they started making it, not only did they make it low sugar, but the supermarkets, or the ones that I use, stop selling the original Alpen and only sell, I think it's got a red cover and brown and maybe a bit of white. But the Alpen lower sugar has got blue, sort of like a blue cover.
I don't like it. It doesn't taste the same. It doesn't become as soggy with the milk as the original.
So no, I don't, I'll only buy the original. So I wouldn't have bought these Farley's Rusks had I known that they were low sugar. But the reason I bought them is because my nan, my grandmother, used to give me Farley's Rusks like when I was an older child, even a teenager.
And I loved them. And I've eaten them as an adult as well. It's very rare.
I'm not always eating Farley's Rusks. But this part of me thinks, you know what? If they're good for babies, then they've got to be good for adults. Because you don't feed babies crap.
We don't, you know, we're very careful what we feed little babies, aren't we? Generally try to feed them nutritious food, food that's good for them. So I might start eating baby food. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, judge me when you like. Actually, I might start eating baby food. Maybe that's the secret.
Bodybuilders eat baby food. So I have to eat all the time, literally every hour or so. They're eating something.
But they're also training. So maybe I'll do that, start eating baby food. Just don't do any training.
And then as I was in the pharmacy, moved along a little bit as the PQ reduced a little bit, slightly, I got to the next aisle. And I saw some tissues, you know, for emptying snot out of your nose, tissue tissues. And I've not bought any of those for years and years and years.
And they're the double pack. I thought, you know what? I'll treat myself. So I did, I got some of them.
And then I saw at the bottom of the shelf, the bottom shelf on the right-hand side, some toilet wipes, that sort of, you know, the moist toilet paper wipe things. So I got four packs of them. They were a pound each.
So then I'm holding this stuff, and it starts falling out of my hands onto the floor. Anyway, eventually, I'll get my prescription. I'll pay for it.
I'll pay for the items I've got. And then I get out and I take my hat off. And I'm just walking.
It's not a lot. There's hardly any cars in the car park. I walk towards Iceland.
There's no one there at all. And the doors are closed. Normally, they're open.
But just as I'm walking up, two cars pull up and two people get out. So I walk a bit faster. So I'm in front of the second person.
But there's one lady there. But the door's closed. It's locked.
And then one of the shop assistants came out and she said, Oh, it's NHS staff only. And this was about quarter past five, 20 past five, something like that. And the shop's supposed to be open till eight.
And the NHS staff is the last hour, supposed to be like between seven and eight or something. So I shout a few. I get a little bit angry.
And I just storm off in a huff. It's like another wasted journey, you know. And go back and wait for the bus.
Luckily, don't have to wait more than about 15 minutes. The bus turns up. So I put me full balaclava on.
Because there are people on the bus. There's probably five or six people on the bus, all sitting down. So I stand right at the front.
And I stand up for the whole journey, me and my little white gloves. And then as the bus pulls up, you know, it's all turning around as it goes to the bus, just goes past the bus stop before mine. I press the buzzer.
And then I walk and I stand right near, not near the bus driver, but near the entrance. So I couldn't be, the bus driver is seeing me standing there. And he goes to slow down, I think, you know, good.
And he carries on. And I said, Oi, I pressed the buzzer. So he pulls the bus up.
He said, I didn't hear it. I said, I definitely pressed it. And he said, Oh, and he opened the doors and said, Thanks.
Oh, I've never been so angry. And he said, Are you going to take those 16 black bags with you? I said, No. So why are you going to leave them there? So I get off the bus, walk, walk through the park.
Not one person around, which is nice. I take the balaclava off my head, but I still have it available to put over my face if I need. But I don't need that.
There's no one around. I walk back. I've got a little bit of shopping, you know, it's basically the stuff from the pharmacy.
And then get home. Andre's still asleep. At least he was still asleep.
I think he I think he came to investigate my bag. Then I unpacked that. He wanted to go out for a walk, but I didn't.
Not till a little bit later on. And I just needed, what I needed more than anything in the whole wide world was to lay down, to relax, needed to really needed to relax. After all that, it was just, I know it don't sound like much, but for me, it was, it was a real, so I lay down, I cuddle up.
Andre comes onto the bed and has a little bit of a play with him. I sort of cuddle him a bit and he bites me a little bit and then he goes to sleep near my legs. And I think I turn over and I kick him by accident and he gets off the bed, swearing at me and he runs off.
Something about, I can't believe I can't find anywhere to sleep. Yeah, Andre, you've got about 15 different places to sleep. I've only got one.
Anyway, that's what I'm thinking in my head and I fall asleep. And when I wake up, I feel good. I feel, I suppose I feel like I've accomplished something.
I get my perspective about the whole supermarket thing. It just, I didn't have a go at anyone. I just, I was just, just, it was annoying because I'd put off going there for weeks.
I've not been to the supermarket for probably a month, been getting everything, even bought stuff from Amazon, paying over the odds, going to the local shop, to the garage, just, and then when I did finally build up the courage to go into the supermarket, I wasn't allowed in. It's, it is what it is, what it is, what it is. So I would, if it, I wouldn't have gone there at seven o'clock because I know that the last hour is reserved.
So they must be closing at six, I guess, unless they've just changed their closing times. But part of the reason for that, I think, is because the supermarkets have made so much damn money, so much, especially with all the deliveries. They're guaranteed, I would say, every, all the major supermarkets have made more money this year than in any other year in the history of their existence.
Sainsbury's, Tesco's, Asda, I'll bet you anything that they've made more money than they've ever made, ever, just in that month period where everyone was buying lots of stuff. It was like Christmas, it was like Christmas Eve every day for about a month. And it slowed down a lot, less people going into the places, but they're still, they bought a hell of a lot and every single delivery slot and click and collect slot is gone.
They have made so much money. Bless them. Yet they didn't want my money.
My money was not good enough for them. Did not want mine. I couldn't get any deliveries.
I'll start crying in a minute. No, I'm not. So I woke up, my voice is going, and that's better.
And I woke up and I felt in a good mood. It's, and I have been ever since. So that was, I went to sleep about seven.
So I got home about six, just after six o'clock. Went to bed at seven, got up about half eight. And the whole time since half eight, I've been in a good mood.
So what's that? That's eight hours. That's pretty good going for me. So yeah, plus I've nearly finished the whole, the website, uploading the recordings.
It's nearly done. So I'm nearly updated on that. So that feels quite nice.
See, that's groovy stuff. And also, I had a really lovely conversation with someone earlier on. And someone that listens to my recordings also.
So one of my biggest supporters as well. So yeah, it's, yeah, it's, apart from the first part of the day, it's been good. Well, technically, technically, it's a result as far as I've now got my medication, not all of it, but I've got a fair bit of my medication, three out of four.
And I've also got a few little bits as well, that from the chemist as well. So like the toilet wipes and the tissues. Yeah, that's not very exciting stuff, is it? At least I did it.
At least I went to the supermarket even though I kind of mistimed it. I think the annoying thing was for me is I'm pretty good with timing when it comes to, you know, I actually check online what time shops close and open and stuff like that. I don't just turn up with the hope that they'll be open.
I do a little bit of research first. So but I think the thing with Iceland is is the owner of Iceland is a maverick. He's pretty much, he's this Irish man.
That's not nothing to do with where he's from, but he does what the hell he likes, says whatever he likes. And he's a billionaire. So he kind of does not care.
His son now runs it, but he still owns it. He's, you know, he's, is it O'Leary or I don't know. But it's a bit like the bloke who runs the Ryanair, another one of like, very similar character, does not care.
Very, very outspoken maverick, sort of a maverick person. So I guess with Iceland, he's going to do whatever he wants. So he'll just open and close the stores as he pleases, I guess.
But then I suppose you can, can't you? If it's your shop, you can do what you want. Doesn't work for me, but it's, you know, I think if you've got opening times, you stick to them. But I think I'm quite, I'm just a bit of a stickler.
I'm a little, I'm a little stickler, stickler. I like to, it's weird, because in some ways, I can't stand being told what to do. But in other situations, I really like to abide by the rules.
Isn't it weird? What a weird kind of, I think it's, I think everyone should, like with, you know, current situations, you know, I think everybody should do the same. Because then it's otherwise it's not fair on others. You know, I see people that are going from house to house around where I live, going from house to house.
And I don't, I don't feel sorry for myself. But I feel sorry for my dad and my stepmom, because they can't see their grandchildren. And for my dad, they're the joy of his life.
That's everything to him. His grandchildren are everything to him. And one of his grandchildren, a little girl, she actually lives around the corner.
It's less than 10 minutes walk, probably less than that, maybe seven minutes walk to their house. But he's not allowed to go around there. And they're not allowed to come around his.
But I see people doing that here. And it just, for me, it doesn't upset me, for me, just I'm thinking of people in his, my dad's situation, and just like, yeah, he should make sure he doesn't have anyone go there because he's got a history of chest problems. Just like my nan did, had chest infections.
And, you know, it's, it's weird. My dad went to Russia about, it's a long time ago, probably about seven, seven years, and he got a chest infection. He ended up in hospital, but his insurance didn't cover it.
His travel insurance didn't cover it. They wouldn't let him leave until he paid the bill. So he had to pay, you know, a few thousand pounds out of his own money.
I'm part, this might be wrong, I might be making it up. But excuse me, for the sake of the story, just imagine it was a hundred thousand pounds, 10 million pounds. And he had to pay it out of his own cash.
And then try and get it back on the insurance afterwards. It's, so yeah, I don't, plus he's, I think he's 74 now, but he's a fit 74, but everyone's fit until they're not, aren't they? Everyone's healthy until they're not. So, you know, my, I don't, again, I don't want to talk about this stuff.
I try, I like these recordings to be a little bit of a break from all that stuff. And they are generally, but I notice it's probably not anyone still listening at this point. It's an hour and a half.
But if there is, you know, I really do send love out to you all. And there's a lot of love out there. There's a lot of people that do care about each other.
And yeah, just keep going. That's kind of all I can say on that. Just keep going.
This is temporary, just like this recording. And I've got so much more to tell you. I've had an action-packed day.
I went to the toilet. I went to the garage and got some stuff as well. But there's not enough time to tell you that.
So I'll have to tell you that another time. But yeah, I phoned my parents up to see how they were. But it's kind of a boring conversation in the sense of there's nothing to talk about.
How are you? Yeah, I'm all right. What's happened? Nothing's happened. You want to know what's happened? Watch the news.
I mean, there's nothing. Plus, they're not interested in anything that I do. But then I'm not interested in anything they do.
So it's not, not in a horrible way, just because they're grandparents and they're all about their grandchildren and stuff like that. And I'm all about this. Andre and this, what I'm doing here, making recordings and a website, podcasts.
And Andre, that's my life. And so yeah, I suppose I can't talk to them about this because zero interest from them. But trust me, I've tried.
Was it 14 years? I tried. And I feel the only response I ever got pretty much from most of the family was, why aren't you making any money? You know, sort of in the past, maybe 10 years ago, even 12 years ago, I remember saying, I've had 100,000 downloads of my podcast, which I did. This is a podcast back in 2008.
And the first thing is, well, how much money have you made? Nothing. If you made one pound for each one, and it's like, not much money you made. And my response is always, yeah, I do.
I can, I can do that maths. I can. That kind of maths is easy.
You know, one time something is quite easy to, you know, so you've got 100,000. Imagine if you got a pound. Yeah.
Would that be 83 pence? No, I can work it out. And I suppose part of the reason I kind of stuck to the free aspect is because there's a part of me that rebels when I'm told nothing is free. No one does anything through kindness.
It's always an ulterior motive. Everybody wants something from someone else. And I kind of wanted to prove that that's not true.
Even though I think deep down, we all know that that's not true. And again, I'm not comparing myself to Mother Teresa. Okay.
I'm just saying this, but she wasn't after money, was she? Even someone like Princess Diana, she didn't have to go into fields full of mines. She didn't have to go and hug and kiss babies and children that were very, very, had serious illnesses and diseases. She didn't have to do any of that.
She chose to do that because she was a really lovely person. And I'm sticking to that because the only fairy tale wedding I ever saw in my life, in real life, on telly, I mean, was Princess Diana and Prince Charles' wedding when I was a kid. And that is the only royal family, the only royal wedding that I will ever remember.
Because I was in Wales on holiday. We watched it on a black and white telly outside the tent, being my family. I had three brothers, a couple of parents.
And we sat there. It's a beautiful day watching the whole thing. And it was beautiful.
It was wonderful. And I was, I mean, I don't know what year it was. Was it 1980? So I was about 10, 9 or 10.
I was 82. I think it was eight, it was something anyway. But I was, I was young.
And I've seen every other wedding, every other, pretty much every royal wedding since. And the, what's his name? Prince Charles' brother, Andrew. Andrew and Fergie, when they got married in 1987.
I watched that in the chip shop because it was open. We had to move the TV downstairs in a chip shop. And there was hardly anybody out because that was a huge event as well.
So I remember that, but it didn't match Prince Charles and Princess Diana for me, just personally. And the only other really, I mean, there's been two big weddings, Prince William and Prince Harry. And the Prince William one was like a massive thing.
And I did watch them on telly. And, you know, there's a feel, there's a good feeling going on with that. But with Prince Harry's wedding, it left really, it felt wrong because, what's her name? Prince Harry's wife, Madeline or I forget her name.
Her mum was sitting on her own in the church. Because they had the family either side, her mum was sitting on her own. And all I wanted to do was just, I wanted to go into that church and just sit down next to her mum and give her a big hug or just hold her hand.
Because, and I know that I'd have got shot if I'd have tried to get into that church, I realise that. But the mother of the bride should have someone sitting next to her. And you know what? If I was, if I got married and the mother of my bride was sitting on her own, I would actually get her up with me.
I'd get her to stand with us as we got married. Or I'd move her to the other side to sit with my family. But more than likely, I'd try and just, I'd get her to sort of just get up and I'd hold her hand and cuddle her while I was getting married.
Can't leave her on her own, especially not with the television cameras. And she was there, there's no one either side of her, just sitting there on her own. So what Prince Charles should have done? I do believe this, and I'm not in a position to tell anyone what they should do, but you know what? He would have been my hero if he'd have got up, walked across and sat next to her and just gave her a big hug.
And either sat there with her or just grabbed her hand and pulled her, not pulled her, but led her over to the other side to sit with him and his wife. That for me, it would have made it perfect. Or if Prince William and his wife had gone and sat either side of her, just gone the other side, she shouldn't have been sitting there on her own.
I find that, I found that upsetting. She deserved more than that. She's Meghan, that's it.
She's Harry's mother now, his mother-in-law. She's the person that gave birth to the love of his life. I realize this isn't particularly topical now because it was about 10 years ago, but nevermind.
If I haven't met her, you know what? I'd rather meet her than Meghan. I'd rather meet Meghan's mum, just to give her a big hug and tell her exactly why it's said there. I said, I wish I'd been there so I could have given you a big hug and held your hand during that wedding.
That's what I'd like to say to her. Anyway, that's enough for me. So remember, remember to be kind to yourself.
Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. In fact, do something kind for yourself today. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it doesn't have to cost any money, doesn't have to take up any time.
Whatever it is, just be kind. Give yourself a break. Give yourself a bit of time, a bit of space.
Be kind to yourself. Lots of love. Bye.
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.