#81 Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety & Panic Attacks - MEANING PURPOSE - (Jason Newland) (27th January 2020)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety and Panic Attacks. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And although this recording isn't necessarily to help people to sleep, it's just good to make sure that you are safe to close your eyes in case you do fall asleep. Because I've got a very boring voice. And also, I do a lot of sleep recordings.

I've got podcasts for deep sleep, whisper hypnosis, Let Me Bore You To Sleep, sleep hypnosis weekly. So probably 80% of what I do is sleepy stuff. So I think my voice is kind of perhaps suited to that.

However, I also do this, also do chronic pain relief, and other like self development self help recordings as well. And some stop smoking ones. I've got lots of different things.

Now, before I start, I'd like to give a big shout out to two people, I think. Let me just say. Yeah, two people.

Firstly, Vicky, who sent me an email. And it's on the review page of my website. Hi, Jason, I've been listening to your Spotify.

Listen to read it wrong. Hi, Jason, I've been listening to you on Spotify. Since I had a stroke in July 2019, age 34, which has left me partially sighted with severe anxiety and depression.

And I find your podcasts really helpful. So thank you, Vicky. And I got left a video review from Boston chicky, which you can also view on my review page of my website.

Saying thank you and she listens to these podcasts. And she's been listening from the start actually, from the not only from the start of when I very first started making this podcast back in I think it was the beginning of 2017 might have even been 2016. But I think it was 2017 where I did 34 recordings.

I think I did them every day for 34 days. And then I stopped. And picked them up again last year.

And now I've got this is the 81st recording. So I just like to say thank you to Boston chicky. She mentioned some stuff on there about getting in touch with you know, remembering that you've helped people.

And also, she reminded me that I've also helped people, which is nice to hear as well. So thank you for that. What I'd like to talk about, and also leave a review if you like what I do.

It rhymes. And Andre just appeared. He likes to do that when I start recording.

He likes doesn't like to be left out. I'd like to talk about purpose. Purpose.

I watched a video earlier. And it was about procrastination. And it was Russell Brand.

And he was saying, procrastination can be caused or is caused by not having a purpose. Or being lazy can be caused by not having a purpose. And it didn't sit too well with me, if I'm honest.

I think if you're not ever doing anything, then that's probably caused by depression. And it could definitely, you know, be caused by not having a purpose, or not being in touch with that purpose. Or not, more importantly, not remembering what the purpose is.

Because that can be something that may be necessary, necessary, is not just to have a purpose, but to remember it every day, to have it with you wherever you go. Almost like a mole on your chin. You know, you take it everywhere you go, or your favourite hat, or your glasses, if you need glasses.

Make sure you take that purpose with you. And this isn't even a suggestion. This is a must.

This is a definite necessity that all of us keep in mind and keep hold of that purpose that we have in life. The reason, the big thing that we get up for, and I know some people, they lose track of that purpose. Sometimes they feel that they don't have a purpose at all.

Or maybe the purpose they used to have has come to an end for whatever reason. So for someone, maybe the whole purpose of their existence may have been connected to raising a family. And maybe now the family's left, they've all gone to college, or now they're married, or maybe the relationship's split up.

Their purpose might have been to support their partner, or their purpose may have been connected to their job. But now the job's gone for whatever reason, or they've retired. So there's so many ways to a purpose can change or possibly dissolve, because it's no longer relevant.

So in that situation, and I have dealt with people in the past, clients in counselling, when I was a counsellor, who didn't feel that they had any purpose. And that's one of the worrying things with things like suicide. I don't think, I'm generalising here, but I very much doubt that anyone would kill themselves if they felt that they had a really important purpose in their life, or felt that their life was purposeful.

Regardless how bad things got, they'd stick around as long as they could, even through ill health. Again, that is a generalisation, because each individual situation is different. But the amount of people I've heard in the past tell me there's no point to anything.

There's no reason for them to be here, which means they have no purpose. They don't feel that there's a purpose to their life, or that there's a purpose to them, or that they're important, or that they mean anything, or that life has any meaning. Which is the main thing, is it? The word meaning.

A purpose sometimes feels a bit like something you do, like I purposely do this thing. Meaning is, it's deeper, it feels almost deeper, for something to actually have meaning, true meaning to you. So that's another must.

We must have meaning in our lives. We have to. There's no option other than to have that.

We need to have that. It's just as important as eating, breathing, drinking water, you know, those things that we have to do. Some people might say, well, I never drink water, I always drink squash, and milk and juice.

I don't care, just, you have to drink something, don't you? We have to have meaning and purpose, and I class those two as the same. Purpose and meaning, I'm going to use that as the same word. Meaning, the same thing.

So these are things that we have to have. And it's not me telling you, you have to have it. It's me just pointing out that we all have to have it, in order to survive, in order to live a life, which, well, maybe also to make sense of things that, or at least accept things that don't make sense, but accept that that's part of being alive.

Being human. You know, kind of moving onwards, moving forwards. Because that's all we can ever do.

You can't go backwards. It's impossible. I read something earlier.

That's it, Andre, run around in a plastic bag. That's good, good boy, while I'm making a recording. I read something earlier which said, today is the tomorrow that you were worrying about yesterday.

Today is the tomorrow that you were worrying about yesterday. And worrying about today, yesterday, which would be your tomorrow, hasn't helped today at all. So, being concerned about it, making arrangements and necessary changes, necessary, can be useful.

But worrying isn't useful. So, going back to this idea of procrastination, if I can say the word, the idea that procrastination means that someone's got no purpose or meaning to their life, I think is actually wrong. It's quite a horrible thing to say, really.

It just means that in that moment, and that moment may last a few weeks or a few months even, but in that moment of their life, they're not maybe in touch with the meaning of their life. So, the question could be, how do you get in touch with the meaning of your life? And I would suggest maybe having more than one meaning, instead of putting all your meaning into just one thing.

For someone who says, oh, my purpose in life is to be a parent, my meaning is to be a parent, that's what gives my life meaning.

Brilliant, but it needs to be more than that for you, because your children are never going to appreciate what you've done. It's never going to happen, they're not going to know what you've done, what you sacrificed to bring the children into the world and to raise them. Just like we are never going to, adults who are adults now, never really going to appreciate what our parents maybe did, those that had, you know, nice parents.

So, what meaning can you give to your life that's for you, just for you? You alone, that's not connected to anybody else. And it's not about giving up the meaning that you already have, the motivation that you already have to get out of bed.

Because if your motivation to go into work is because you want to make sure that your teenage daughter or son has enough money to go to college, when they're, you know, in a couple of years' time, yet you've got, you're sitting there at breakfast and your teenage child is being an utter arsehole, which teenagers do have a tendency to be, it's part of, they're supposed to be like that, being a real, not very communicative.

And you're driving to work thinking, what's the point of me doing this, working all these hours, he or she doesn't even respect what I do, doesn't appreciate what I do. So, that's in putting that meaning of your life, categorizing it and putting it into someone else's, or someone else's shoulders, almost blaming someone else for your choices. So, you need to be able to have that, you know, be going to work for yourself as well.

And that's, maybe some people think that's selfish, or we shouldn't be thinking of ourselves, we should only think of our daughter, we should only think of our parents, we should only think of the mortgage we've got to pay, or should only that, you know, whatever. Is that realistic, though? Is it healthy? Because ultimately, you're going to be with yourself, and you have been with yourself, and you will be with yourself every second of every second of your life, you have been with you.

And you're the only person that's done that.

No one else has been with you the whole of your life, you have. No one else knows what you think, except you. You're the only one that knows the thoughts in your mind.

You're the only one that really knows what you like, what you want, and what you would like to do. I mean, deep down, I mean, you may share a lot of this stuff with friends, family, but you're the only one that really knows you in that way. You know, it's not about, oh, that we're being false, so other people can't get to know us.

It's not that. It's just, there's a level, isn't there? There's a level that we know ourselves that other people won't know. There's times when perhaps we feel crappy, but we tell the person we're with that we feel fine, because we want them to have a good time.

And we know that they're going through a difficult time, we want them to feel good. Or someone buys you a present that you don't particularly like, and you say, oh, it's lovely, thank you. Thank you for that hat that doesn't fit on my head.

A big woolly hat, that's going to go really great with a suit for work. Thank you. Lovely.

You know, it could be, my nan used to give me socks for Christmas when I was younger. And she used to knit these jumpers where I couldn't actually get my head through. They were actually, the neck width was actually the size of my neck.

It was the width of my neck. Once I got it over my head, not realizing I wasn't going to be able to get it off, I had to cut the thing off, or wear it for the rest of the year. Hoping that it didn't grow.

But I'd never said anything, I would never say, oh, what is this rubbish? Nan, what is this crap? Take it back. I want a bike. Give me a bicycle.

Of course I wouldn't say that. But I might think it. And that's what's really happening, is what you're really thinking.

It doesn't mean you're going to say it. It doesn't mean it's necessarily true either. It might just be anger.

I wish that person would run away. I wish that person would do this. You might not really wish it.

You're just daydreaming, or just thinking these things in anger. Or you might think, oh, he's nice. Or he's so much nicer than my husband.

But it might be a fantasy. It doesn't mean you're going to leave your husband or anything. But if you said it out loud to your husband, it could cause problems.

Possibly. So we're the only ones that know what's going on in their mind, what's going on, I'm not going to use the word soul, but what's going on in their hearts, what's going on in their body, how we physically feel, how we emotionally feel. We're the only ones that know that.

And we can share it sometimes. Maybe we can share it a lot. You may have a relationship where you do share an awful lot of how you're feeling.

But you can never share all of it. Because that would be a 24-hour conversation that would never end. It'll be just constant.

Which brings back, it turns it around with the anxiety part. If someone was telling you all their thoughts, and verbalizing it to you, you would have to leave them. You would not be able to stay around them, because it would be too much.

If someone told you, no matter how much you cared for them, if they blurted out every single thing that they thought, I'm talking about every single thought. Thousands and thousands and thousands of thoughts every day. I don't know how many there are.

It would be overwhelming. It would be too much. It would be, it'd just be awful.

Flip that on its side, on its back, on its tummy, tickle its tummy. And you get it back and say, well, actually, that is going on inside your head. But they're your own thoughts.

So we've been bombarded 24 hours a day. I say 24 hours, we're asleep for maybe eight hours a day, as it may be. So let's say 16 hours a day, you've got these thoughts.

Now, if that was another person, you would have to get away from them. You'd need a break. Which means I think we possibly need a break from ourselves.

We need to take a break from that thinking. And that's where these recordings come in. That's where meditation comes in, relaxation techniques, being able to just sit and let those thoughts just float away.

Maybe having a long bath. Maybe eating a meal, something that you really enjoy, but you're focusing on the food and the taste of the food. Or maybe getting engrossed in a movie for an hour and a half or two hours, where you're not thinking.

So going back to the idea that you need to look after yourself. To have that meaning. There's more than other people.

Now, I believe helping other people helps you. I do. I think helping other people is the best thing in the world.

It's not necessarily the most important thing. I do recognize that in a sense of, I can help as many people as I can. I could have millions of people every day listening to me.

But that's not going to get me out. It's not going to help me. It's not going to cook my dinner.

It's not going to get me out of bed. I have to do that myself. It's not going to get me dressed.

I have to do that myself. It's not going to help me with my relationships with my family. I have to put that effort in myself, like we all do.

But helping others is, I think it's one of the best things. Helping others helps you. But the simple fact is why I mention at the end of every recording that you deserve to be happy.

Remember to be kind to yourself. It's because you have helped other people. And I won't go into a big thing about it, but it's true.

These are facts. I could argue for the rest of my life, and I will never back down on this. It's a fact.

You, everyone listening to this has helped other people. Not just people that you know about. Not just people that you're aware they've told you you've helped me.

But also people that you've never met. Indirectly. People love to talk to each other about what someone else said.

Sometimes, don't they? So you might have said something to a friend. You might have been talking on a bus. Someone behind you is listening.

They hear it. They might think, what a load of crap. What are they talking about? Go home.

Talk to their partner. Tell them what they heard. And their partner might think, wow, that makes some sense, that does.

Because that person sitting behind you on the bus, I might be talking to my friend saying, you've helped people. Remember, you've helped people. Sometimes I do say this to people.

And the person behind me thinks, what's he talking about? Goes home. Tells his wife, you've never helped anyone, have you? This person was saying about buses. He might be having a go at her.

Or it might be a woman having a go at her husband. You've never helped anyone. You just think of yourself the whole time.

And then she's in bed, or he's in bed, thinking, well, actually, I've helped a lot of people. And start to remember what they've done. And maybe start to have, start to notice that sense of self worth, growing, blossoming, coming out from underneath its rock, that it's been, you know, crushed by the person maybe that they've been living with, telling them that they're no good, and they're this and that, putting them down.

I'm not saying this to split people's relationships up. But if you're with someone that's mentally or physically or emotionally abusing you, that is not a relationship. So there you go.

So this, this, that person could start thinking, and get in touch with that part of them that remembers, remembers actually, you know what, I have helped people. I remember when I called the ambulance. I remember when I visited that person and, you know, in hospital, and my friend, and there was a lady sitting on her own.

And I went over and spoke to her. And she thanked me because no one had visited her, because she's got no family. Well, she's got family, they live a long way away.

So she was on her own. And she was seeing all these other people coming in with their family members, and she was, felt really lonely. But she didn't want to, you know, didn't want to say anything.

And maybe during that conversation, she said to you, by the way, I don't feel very well, I've been having these pains. And you say what? So I've been having these pains in my chest, but I don't want to say anything to the nurses, they're so busy. So you go over get a nurse.

You might not know what's happened after that, but you might save that lady's life. I mean, there's once now I'm not blowing my own trumpet here. And I don't know why I did it, but it just came naturally to me.

And I found it funny as well. Not, not the first bit that I'm about to tell you. But I was, this lady fell over.

So that's not the funny part, obviously. And I think she broke her hip or leg or something. I never found out really what happened to her afterwards.

But she was lying on the floor. And it was cold. I think it was probably wet outside as well.

This is wintertime, not not full winter, but probably autumn, you know, pretty cold, windy. There's a lot of people about a lot of people opposite Tesco supermarket, lots of people walking past. Not ignoring her, you know, but just looking at her because that's what you do.

You look at her and you walk on, which must be horrible if you're lying on the floor. I've never been in that situation before. But I can imagine it's quite quite anxiety provoking, to be lying on the floor, unable to move, and being the centre of attention, and you really don't want to be.

As well as being in pain, and being, she was upset. She was shaking. She was, you know, it wasn't just the cold.

It was, she was very, very quite traumatised. She had a husband with her. He had a walking stick.

So he was with her. But he, he basically was, he had to stand up. So a shop came, that was near there, came and gave her a, like a cushion to put under her head and put a blank over her.

So that was nice. But I was looking at the situation, I thought, I walked up to say, are you all right? And she said, do I look all right? And I said, no. And so I'm just like chatting.

And I see that he's there, she's down there. And there's people just walking. And they're staring at her.

So what I do is I lay down on the ground with her. And it wasn't for attention. I wasn't taking notice of anyone else.

I just laid down on the ground. And I just be next to her, like face her. And I waited there till the ambulance got there.

And it was really weird. It's just, I was making her laugh. And I think she found it so ridiculous that I'd actually laid down on the ground with her.

It tickled her. It really kind of made her laugh. And her husband was laughing.

No one was looking at her anymore. They were probably looking at me, wondering, probably looking, why is there two people lying on the floor? Get a room. And that felt like the right thing to do.

So helping her helped me. Because I felt good afterwards. And I'm no hero.

I didn't do any first aid. I didn't do anything really, other than I distracted her from what she was feeling physically. I did a little bit of hypnotic kind of languagey stuff, but not kind of obvious stuff.

But I just kept her focused on me. And I thought I might have held her hand at one point. And then her husband said, oh, none of that.

She's my wife. I said, Okay, sorry. So I held his hand as well.

We were all happy. We ended up getting married. So I just looked after her and just sat down on the floor, lay down on the floor with her.

And it was the most weirdest thing to do. But it felt like I was almost fitting in with who I am as a person. Rather than trying to be something different.

I actually did what was natural to me. Now, if I had walked on, and that was what was natural to me, then that's also fine. Because there was people there that would look after her.

She didn't need me to look after her. There was plenty of people that could have come up and see if she was okay and stuff. And she got a husband there, and there's people in the shop.

So she wasn't on her own on the floor. Well, she was before I laid down, but she wasn't alone, alone. I suppose that kind of comes together with purpose, with meaning.

That felt meaningful to me, because I was doing what comes naturally, like a natural meaning, that gave meaning to my day. I don't want that to happen every day. And I'm not relying on things like that to happen for me to have meaning in my life.

I do this. This is what I do. I do these recordings.

I've done it since 2006. And that's what gives me meaning. But I'm also, I'm Andre's daddy, Andre the Ferret.

That gives me purpose and meaning. I have to get out of bed every day to look after him, to give him food, to take him out, give him cuddles, kisses, and just look after him. That gives me extra meaning.

And in some way, the meaning I get from him possibly outweighs the meaning I get from doing these recordings. Because there's that bond, that closeness, you know, physical closeness I've got with him. And I love him so much.

So having meaning doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with helping other people. But I think it's good to get in touch with the fact, the fact, I'll say again, the fact that you, everyone listening to this, has helped lots of people in the past, and will help many people in the future. Just a kind word, or a smile can make the difference.

For someone that feels invisible, or maybe someone looks at them and says hello, or they, you know, maybe someone that's sitting on the streets, they're homeless. You know what I noticed? I had this said to me, I had a bloke, I stopped, and he said, spare change, spare change, you know, standard kind of thing. And I stopped, and I said, I've got no money.

Well, I said, I've got money, but I want to keep it. I don't want to give it to you. I didn't say that.

I said, I've got no money. And he said, don't worry, I'm just, he said, I'm just happy you stopped. I've been sitting there for five hours, and not one person said hello, spoken to me, or even looked at me.

So even people that want money, and they're, they're, unless they're aggressively begging, then that could be off-putting and horrible, actually, for those involved. But people, I noticed, I didn't really think about it before, even people that are, you know, begging on the streets, they don't just want money. I mean, they probably, they wouldn't, it won't be any good to them if they had the whole day of people stopping and chatting to them, because they also need money for whatever they need to pay for.

But they also need that human contact, that little bit of humanity, to remind them that they are human, that they are part of society, even though they don't feel it. And I can kind of relate to that, being with anxiety, stress, mental health issues, sometimes I felt like I'm completely outside of society. I come on another planet sometimes.

And what's strange is, because of the older mental illness, in a similar way to some physical illness, like let's say fibromyalgia, people can't see it. They can't see it. And so they can't grasp it.

I'm not talking to everybody. I mean, some people can't grasp what it is, you know, you look okay. And I've been told, I've even been told by psychiatrists, and this not recently, but back in when I lost my job and had a bit of a, I suppose, maybe a breakdown, I don't know what you want to call it, in 2013.

And I had, I think I had three psychiatrists that I saw. And all of them were rude to me. One was rude without meaning to be.

He said to me, Oh, I saw you in the, not the changing rooms, the waiting room. I thought you was a doctor or something because you're wearing glasses. Didn't think you was a patient, because you're smart.

I said, okay. I don't want to break it to him. The reason I'm smart is because I'm wearing my work clothes.

Because that's all the clothes I ever have is my trousers and my shirts from working in the office. I didn't really have any casual clothes. And when I go out, I still wear shoes and trousers.

I haven't worn jeans for years. So like the idea that I look smart and I'm wearing glasses. Therefore, I must be mentally well.

Now he wasn't rude of it. But at the same time, it's like, really? You're a professional, you're a doctor. You really? Yeah.

And another person, another doctor said that they thought, Oh, you just you might just be shouldn't give me psychotherapy. He refused to put me forward to psychotherapy saying that I might just be blagging it just to get benefits. So, you know, I wish I recorded this stuff.

And I had another one. It was, I forget what he said. He was rude as well.

Now the ones I see are really good. But it's like, wow, if that's what the professionals are like, why would we expect someone that has no knowledge, no professional knowledge, no medical knowledge to think any different? If that's what the professionals are meant to know, I'm a psychiatrist. That's their job is to deal with people with mental illness.

That is their that's the sole purpose of their existence. You know, as a job is to help people with psychiatric disorders. Oh, there you go.

So it's remembering that people aren't going to know. And I went on tangent there, I know, but not necessarily going to know how you well, they're not going to know how you feel. No one knows how you feel going back to earlier.

We're the only ones that know how we feel. You can tell other people, but telling them doesn't even explain to them how you feel. Because words, I don't think words really do justice to emotions.

Because even though they might feel something inside, and they might have huge love for you and respect, and they're feeling a degree of pain inside themselves, in connection with what you're saying. And your energy and your body language and your facial expression and a tone of voice is still not going to be the same as what you're experiencing. Which means you need to look after yourself as well.

And when I say look after yourself, I'm not saying do everything on your own. Forget everyone else. I'm not saying that at all.

I'm saying you need to look after yourself. You need to be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break.

Give yourself some time off. Every day, make sure that you remember what's meaningful in your life. Because as I said, it doesn't necessarily have to be just one thing.

My meaningfulness is very limited. I've only got a couple of things in my life that I care about. Other people might have many things that they really, really care about.

Something that they really, that gets them through the day, you know. They might have a yacht, or a boat, a fishing boat, or a boat, or a little plane that they that they fly, or, you know, a car that they absolutely love. You know, more than just someone that drives, but they might really love cars, as well as, you know, have huge meaning in their family, as well as maybe having a huge amount of meaning in their job that they do, as well as maybe doing voluntary work, which has huge meaning for them.

So I don't think getting in touch with your life's purpose necessarily has to be about one thing. I mean, my life's purpose is this, but it's not the only thing that gives me meaning, that gives my life meaning. Andre also gives my life meaning.

Having my home gives my life meaning, because it's something that I had to wait 44 years for. I had to wait a long time to get this place. And even though it's a bit messy, and the carpet needs changing, because of Andre, it gives my life meaning, it really does.

But I forget that. I'll be honest with you, I forget it. Sometimes I lie in bed, and I think, what is the point? What's the point in getting up? Nothing to get up for.

But the fact is, there is something to get up for. And then sometimes what I do is I change that thinking from what's the point in getting up to, I don't have to get up. Give myself the option.

I don't have to make a recording. I'm not getting paid to do this. I'm not, I'm not obligated to do anything.

I do it because I choose to, because I love it. And I love the idea of helping people. That's why I've been doing it for so long.

But I'm not obligated to do it. I don't have to do the washing up, just means I'll have nothing to eat my food off. So it's a choice.

I don't have to have a bath, just means I'll be stinky. And you know, you smelly when you've got a ferret, and the ferret won't come near you. When the ferret starts opening the windows, you know, you need to have a bath.

I don't know how he manages to do it, but it's very clever. Sometimes I get up and actually I hear the bath running. He's actually run the bath for me.

What? It's like you cheeky little monkey. So my focus, I think because of Boston Chickie's video, I get, I get motivated by quite often by something that's happened. Something that I might have read, something I might have seen on television, something that I've just thought about, maybe a memory from the past, something that I read on Facebook, someone's profile, a message someone might send me.

It's a mix of different things and it triggers, it doesn't trigger, that's probably not the right word, but it stimulates my thinking to a point where I think, okay, I'll talk about this. And I know it doesn't always come out, I don't know what the right word is, but it might not all come out in order. You know, I don't rehearse, I'm not reading off a script, that's pretty obvious, I reckon.

And things do mix into other things, but that's life, that's reality. You know, I try and cover what comes into my mind when I'm thinking about it. I also do try and come back as well, to the to the kind of main idea of the recording.

Doesn't always happen, but I do try. So going back to Boston Chickie, we're going back to, first of all, her, thank you, Boston. And I just, I know a little bit about Boston Chickie, and I'm not going to share that on here, because she's a friend, but I know a little bit about her life, as she knows a fair bit about my life as well.

And from the past, I've talked to her and I've made videos online that are no longer available, as she has. And when we used to sort of talk about our lives, I don't really do that anymore. But I did one the other day, so it's not really a good example, I did one last night, Jason Chats, they're the videos that I do every now and then.

It's like a vlog, but I don't do many. But just to actually hear someone tell me what you're doing helps people. It feels nice.

It means more. What it does, it reminds me that I'm not telling myself enough that I've helped other people. I'm not practicing what I'm preaching.

And please, I hope I'm not preaching, because I don't want to be a preacher, but I suppose it can sound a bit preachy sometimes. But some things are fact. In my mind, they're fact.

And the fact that you have helped people, and you deserve to acknowledge that. In fact, the fact is, in my opinion, that you owe it to yourself to acknowledge that you've helped other people. And you do deserve to be happy.

And how often do you get told that in life? I've only had one person in my entire life, say to me verbally, I'm proud of you, ever. And that was my friend Noel. And that was after doing a therapy session with someone, just after I'd started learning hypnosis and NLP.

And I told that he let me use his room, one of his rooms in his club. Afterwards, he said, how did it go? I think he was listening outside through the keyhole. No, he wasn't.

And he said, how did it go? I said, yeah, it seemed to go really well. And I told him a little bit about the end results, not why she was there, but it seemed to go good. And he said, I'm really proud of you.

I nearly cried. Because I've never heard anyone's, no one's ever said that to me before. And you know, even, and that was back in, I was a lot younger back then, that's over 20 years ago.

So that would be 1990. Yeah, 1999. So over 20 years ago, that was, and I still remember it.

And it meant something. And you know, if it wasn't for him, if it wasn't for Noel, I wouldn't be doing this now. He's the one that kind of steered me towards NLP, which then led me to hypnosis, which then led me to doing this stuff.

He's the one that had faith in me. He helped me to get my counselling business going, supported me through that. He was supportive while I was at college.

So, and you know, he doesn't realise he's helped people. Again, I don't know, it's not fair for me to talk about someone else that I know, but, and I've reminded him, and I don't, I'm not even sure if he, if he, if he really believes what I'm saying. I mean, without going into too many details again, he gave me a job as a DJ.

And it wasn't about money, it was basically just, after I paid taxes to get home and travel there, it wasn't really any money really involved. It's really in a sense, it was just for me, it was a social life. And it was, it was, it gave me something to do, because I just had a big family, family problem.

It was a really huge thing that just happened in my family. And I told him about it. And then he came up and said, do you want a job? Do you want to do this? I said, yeah, all right.

Afterwards, he told me he thought I was going to kill myself. That's what he told me. A few years later, not at the time, but he said, he offered me that job because he thought I was going to top myself.

He really saw that I was so low down. And I was. I'm not saying I was going to do that, but I was really, really low on antidepressants, because it was a really, really hard period.

And I remind him of that every now and then. And I think sometimes he thinks I'm just saying it for the sake of it. And I'm being ingenuous.

Is it ingenuous? But I genuinely appreciate what he did. And I try to, I'm not even saying it in a sense of thanking him. I am.

It's more a case of, can you please grasp the fact that you, inadvertently, my friend, has helped all these people that I've helped over the years. Even though he's not been the one making the recordings. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be making the recordings.

I wouldn't have started the journey. I may not have ended up making recordings, to be fair. But I did start a journey that helped people.

I definitely, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been a counsellor. Because the counsellor led on from me doing the hypnosis and volunteering, using hypnosis in rehab centres. And I fell in love with the counsellors because they were so lovely.

And I wanted to be like them. Now, I wouldn't have gone down that journey if it hadn't been for my friend. So, unless you tell them, if I hadn't told him that, he wouldn't have connected it, I don't think.

He wouldn't have seen it. He wouldn't have seen himself as being important in the process. And he has been.

And he still is, as far as I'm concerned, he still is. And he deserves the gratitude from me, for as long as I'm alive. And I'm not talking about worshipping at an altar.

I've not got an altar with lots of pictures of him and light candles every day. It's not like that. It's just, I just recognise the gratitude I have.

And I want him to feel that as well. The fact that he has helped people, and we all have. So, you deserve to be happy.

I don't know if I'll go on, don't I? It's for 56 minutes. This is only going to be a short recording. I suppose I'd also like to just say thank you to Vicky.

I mean, that message, 34 years old, and having had a stroke. I mean, I can't imagine it, I can't, to be that young, to be going through that. And to know that listening to my funny voice is helpful, means something to me, to hear that.

You know, I had, years and years and years ago, I'm talking probably about 2009, had a message from someone, it was on one of those chat channel things that you used to be able to send messages on. I don't know which one it was, but this young lad sent me a message saying, my mum listened to you for the last six months of her life. And it really helped her cope with the anxiety and the physical pain and all that stuff.

You know, with all the treatment and whatever that she was going through. I just want to thank you. And that was it.

It's like, out of the blue. I've no idea who she was. I've no idea who he was.

Wasn't a friend, a Facebook friend or anything like that. I was like, wow. For every person that you know that you've helped, or that tell you that you've helped them, imagine how many others there are, that you're never going to know, you're never going to realise.

Yeah, it could be as simple as, seriously, I love this. This is where my brain works. It could be as simple, right, as leaving your paper, there's only one, leaving, yeah, okay, you've got the local paper, you leave it on the chair next to you.

Maybe you're sitting at the back of the bus, you leave the paper on the chair, on the seat next to you and you get off the bus. The person sitting on the other part of the chair picks up the paper. And they read it and they see an advert for a job.

Or they see an advert in the lonely hearts column. So you and they wouldn't have seen that otherwise. There were no other free papers on the bus.

It was last thing in the afternoon. So they weren't going to see that advert. And reading the advert, it might not be just an advert, but let's say reading the advert for the lonely hearts, they might decide, oh, well, I'll contact them.

And they could end up, you know, being blissfully happy. Having a child who finds a cure for some, you know, disease. They could just be blissfully happy, it doesn't have to be a child curing diseases.

But I'm just saying, or finding a job that transforms their life from being, maybe they felt that they were unemployable, but actually, it turns out that they were, and their self-esteem comes back. And perhaps they were on the edge. You know, perhaps they were down to the last 40 pound, and they thought, you know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to drink myself to oblivion.

But instead of doing that, they spend that 40 pound getting their shirt and trousers dry cleaned to go to the job interview that they see in the paper, and then they get the job. And it's a hell of a lot easier to borrow money off people once you've got a job, like from family and friends, than if you don't have a job. I noticed that a few years back, I've got a job now, Dad.

But I need a bit of help to buy food and stuff for the next three weeks. Okay, son. As long as there's a job, as long as there's money coming.

So you could even go even further. They might read an article that they would never have read anywhere else about somebody, let's say it's a man there, reads an article about someone that he likes, but no one else generally knows about, but it's sort of like a, might be a reality style, maybe a musician from the 70s, even someone that he, you know, really kind of is interested in.

And it talks about how they got tested, and they got found that they had prostate cancer and stuff like that.

And so you need to get tested. And all I had was just a, and they mentioned a symptom, just maybe not connect, normal people don't normally have that connection with it. And that person reading that was thinking, well, I've got that symptom.

I thought it was just nothing. Goes to the doctor, gets tested, and then has whatever treatments needed, and lives a long, happy life. Of course, you're not responsible for him reading that paper.

You're not responsible for him taking action on what he reads in that paper. But the fact that you left that paper there, next to him, affected his life. And you know, when I think about those situations, I only focus on the positive, the positive examples, the positive scenarios.

So maybe you can think of some in your life. Maybe some of those times in your life that someone else has helped you without realizing it. You know, maybe a conversation with someone.

I'll give you an example of another example for me, but I got helped. Someone I worked with in an insurance company, he left, and I was still there. And then I left due to illness.

This is 2003, November. And then I was working part-time in this gift shop, and they told me that they wanted me to leave. Basically, they wanted me to get a full-time job, because they couldn't support me.

Because basically, it was a Buddhist shop, so it's a charity, and they didn't, they thought, you know, they were worried about me and said, you need to get a full-time job, whatever. So, which annoyed me at the time. So I thought I didn't know what to do.

I applied in the insurance company. They turned me down. I was looking for everything.

So I'm in Blockbusters, and I see my friend I used to work with at the other place. Now, he was the only person in my office in that company that was a top salesperson. I was sort of just a little bit below him.

But I was good, but he was just phenomenal. He was the best. And I was sort of saying, how are you doing? He said, yeah, I'm working at this place.

I said, oh, cool. He asked me what I was doing. I said, oh, looking for a job.

He said, well, wait until tomorrow, and I'll have had a word with them, the managers, and I'll get you an interview. I'll put a good word in for you, because I know what you're like, I know that you're good. So I said, really? I didn't know if he would or not.

But I phoned up the next day. They said, yeah, you're Jodie's friend, yeah? I said, yeah. They said, well, come in then, come in this afternoon at three if you want.

Came in, and they didn't give me the job because of me. They didn't, honestly, they didn't give me the job because of me, they gave me the job because of him, because he was also the top seller there. And they put their trust in him.

And I became friends with the manager, you know, a few months into the job. And he told me, he was very, very honest. He said, no, I wasn't going to give you the job.

You didn't come across very positive. You weren't dressed particularly well. You know, you've been working in a gift shop.

It's like, you'd left to have a job because you've been ill. We just didn't really want to give you the job. Didn't think that you'd be any good.

But because my friend had put a good word in for me, they gave me the job. And I was terrible at it. I wasn't, I wasn't, I was okay.

I wasn't quite as great as in the other one, but I was okay. The place was full of really good salespeople. So they were very fussy who they took on.

But they managed to override that fussiness due to my friend. And me working there led to me going to college and led to me where I am now. So my friend changed my life.

And he's probably not even aware of it. Guaranteed he's forgotten about it. I haven't seen him for a long, long time.

Ill-forgotten, he won't remember that. So there might come a time in his life where he's thinking, oh, I've never done anything for anyone. Well, actually, he has done loads for lots of people.

In fact, he got quite a few people jobs there, I think, over time. It saves money, doesn't it? You know, if they don't have to advertise. They tried to get their salespeople to, you know, recommend friends that they knew were good.

But there you go. So that's another boring story done. I might put that in my Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast.

Which just brings me to just reimburse what I was saying, if that's the correct terminology, probably not. It's not just enough to have a purpose. I mean, you have to have a purpose.

You have to have meaning in your life. But that's not enough. You have to remember it.

You have to remember, you need to remember the reason, the meaning. So important. You need to carry it around like a badge of honor.

It needs to be with you. It's just like someone with a broken leg. For six weeks of their life, they're not going to forget that their leg's broken anytime because of that plaster.

Simply, even if the leg's healed, not hurting anymore, after the first week or so, you know, it's generally sort of getting better and healing. Seeing the plaster, knowing it's there, they can't forget because it's there. And of course, you can't walk around with a meaningful plaster, or I suppose, unless you've got a tattoo done or something, to remind yourself of how meaningful your life is, and how important you are, and how much you've helped other people.

So maybe find a way of doing that. Be creative. And also think about, I'm giving you homework now, maybe think about other times when people have helped you, and they're not aware of it.

Not just to create, you know, to increase your gratitude. It's not for that reason. Although I guess that will happen naturally, but not for that reason.

But just so you can realize, get more in touch with the fact that they're no different to you, in a sense of you've also helped others, you may have helped them, and not be aware of it. In fact, I'm pretty sure my friend got paid money after I'd been there for about three months, for me being employed. So he got like £500 or something, I think it's three months or six months, because it saved the company so much money advertising.

That, you know, anyone who brought in someone, I never bothered, because I didn't really know anyone that would, I was hanging around Buddhists all the time, so I didn't, didn't know anyone would be interested in doing sales. So maybe in his mind, because he got paid for it, because I was there for a couple of years, over two years, maybe he, nearly three years, actually, but maybe he in his mind, he thought, because he's getting paid for it, it's not helping me, which is completely wrong.

Because I'd have given him £500 for that job, because it did change my life.

Anyway, at the time that is. So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening.

I feel I don't need to say to be remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, because that's what I've been going on about for the last hour, and however long. But it's true. I suppose I want to get it across that I'm not saying it just for the sake, it's not a soundbite.

It's not just no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just saying it. It's true. It's really true.

And when you remember that, you thought you thought I was about to end in, and I'll start talking again. At least you can press pause and stop it. You don't have to listen.

Can you imagine having me as a friend just talking and talking and talking? No, I'm not really like this in real life. I do let other people talk a little bit. I do prefer I do prefer a monologue to a conversation.

Yeah, just just remember. Remember that you do deserve to be happy. And remember those things that are important to you.

The reason why you do what you do. The things that are meaningful and purposeful. And I will leave it there.

I will go. So you take care of yourselves. If you like what I do, leave a review.

And I will speak to you probably tomorrow or very soon. Lots of love. Bye.